Blitzkrieg bop

People are getting ready for summer tours to kickoff, but the hottest tour is about ready to wrap up. The Bush administration's take-no-prisoners, "strengthen Social Security," we-will-rock-you, "60 Stops in 60 days" tour is rolling across the United States until May 1.\nIts objective is to take the president's message about privatizing Social Security to the streets. Speakers range from President Bush and Vice President Cheney to Cabinet members and policy experts. With that lineup, it should be a great show. And the best part is, many of us already paid for it because it's federally funded. Travel expenses, the opening act, cheese platters for the groupies -- your tax dollars at work. While the cost of the tour is under scrutiny, we can't forget one important thing. The Social Security tour rocks so hard.\nI haven't actually been to a show myself, because you have to be a registered GOP member to attend, but I've heard rave reviews. The self-proclaimed "blitz" across the nation is done in the style of all the great rock legends from KISS to the Rolling Stones: town hall meeting.\nI can only assume fans camp out for days to see these meetings. I see fans building bonfires, making conservative s'mores and gently strumming their guitars while humming sweet songs of personal investment. With a twinkle in their eyes, they dream about the chance to see Michel N. Korbey, a senior adviser and hardcore rocker to the Social Security Administration.\nWhen the show kicks off, the crowd goes wild, doing the wave in a sensible town meeting format. As soon as personal retirement accounts are mentioned, everyone's lighter is in the air. It's magic.\nThe government spares no expense to make this magic happen for the American people, er, members of the GOP. Though the administration declined to estimate the total cost of the tour, The Washington Post says that it "may be one of the most costly in memory."\nThere's no doubt in my mind that the Bush administration has put together the finest in lighting displays and pyrotechnics. Cheney couldn't walk on stage without a shower of sparks in the background. It just wouldn't be the same. One expense under particular scrutiny was the cost of new employees hired specifically for the cross-country events. But every tour needs roadies.\nThere's no getting around it. To put on a killer show that keeps the fans screaming for more, you have to drop some moolah. But that creates a special problem. The president is spending federal money to tell people we don't have enough federal money.\nAccording to the government's fancy new Social Security Web site, www.strengtheningsocialsecurity.gov (which uses the term "nest egg" a lot), if no changes are made to Social Security, the program will be broke by 2041. Rather than changing how the government spends its money, President Bush wants to switch to private voluntary accounts that require investing in the stock market.\nIn 2000, the Government Accountability Office estimated that flying Air Force One cost $54,100 per hour, $60,250 today. Thirty-five days into the president's tour, The Washington Post estimated that he traveled at least 30 hours by commercial schedules, which totals up to $1.8 million. And that doesn't even include travel expenses for the rest of the staff.\nOne-point-eight million dollars is only .00000045 percent of the difference between Social Security inflows and outflows during the next 75 years (according to the fancy Web site), but it would still make a pretty nice nest egg.\nI guess you just can't put a price on rocking out.