Nice shirt, Hollister

Last time I went home to Orange County, Calif., I said something that stunned my friends: "I'm probably the only person in Indiana with an O.C. T-shirt who's actually from O.C."\n"What, you say?" they asked. "You mean people actually wear O.C. T-shirts in Indiana?"\nYes, they do. A big thank you goes to the fashion Nazis at Hollister, which once put its Orange County T-shirts on mannequins in front of its store at College Mall. Big thanks also go out to everyone else who jumped on the bandwagon.\nNot since the hype for the invasion of Iraq have I seen something make suckers out of so many people. They think O.C. is cool, but believe me, donning the T-shirt is like branding a symbol of shame onto your chest.\nSince most of y'all have never been to the Golden State, let me explain something: Orange County is not very popular with those who actually live near it. I generally try to be pretty quiet about where I grew up when I meet people from other parts of California. You just don't want to talk about being from behind the Orange curtain.\nYou'd think it's obvious something is wrong with a place when the two most famous people to ever come from it are Gwen Stefani and Richard Nixon.\nBut if that doesn't convince you, let me paint you a clearer picture. People from Orange County are infamous for being rude and inconsiderate. All you have to do is book a flight to John Wayne Airport on a Sunday night. This is when all the natives are flying back home so they can go to work the next day.\nMy favorite story involves a young child who sat behind me once and watched the baggage handlers. The kid couldn't have been more than 12 years old. But even at that tender age, he said, "Look at them. You see that? That's what happens when you don't go to college."\nAnd apparently, it's just too much to ask an O.C. native to carry less than three items on the plane and store one of them under the seat in front of them. On my last flight home, the ticket-takers made special announcement at the gate, before the passengers even board the plane, asking them to leave enough space for everybody's carry-on items in the overhead bins. I've only heard this announcement on the connecting flight to Orange County.\nThe image we see on the Fox TV show "The O.C." fools people into thinking O.C. is cool enough to put on a T-shirt and display on our torsos. But it's foolish to brand yourself with something because it's on a TV show -- especially when it's Orange County.\nIt's like that urban legend of the guy who wanted a tattoo that said, "brave warrior," in Japanese, but the cruel tattoo artist instead wrote "I have a small penis." The poor guy had no idea until he saw a group of Japanese people laughing and making crude gestures at him.\nNow, I know what you're thinking: "Wait, Dan said at the beginning of his column that he wears an O.C. T-shirt. Did anyone else catch that? Is Dan a hypocrite?"\nYou have a sharp eye. Go get yourself a cookie.\nMy mom got me an O.C. shirt for Christmas as a joke. I can wear it out here because most people here still think Orange County is cool. But when I'm at home, I avoid sporting the shirt in public. I only wear it when I'm going to be around people I know I can trust. Having an O.C. shirt is my dirty little secret. Don't tell anyone, OK?