Movies make the best medicine

I had a friend come down with mono last week, so I did what any good friend would do: I swooped in with a box of popsicles and an armload of DVDs. But this wasn't any hasty rescue mission, mind you. It was a well-planned humanitarian act. And she needed my help; when I arrived at her apartment she was watching an Oprah movie. And it wasn't even a good Oprah movie. Poor thing. \nLuckily, I was thinking on my feet, so I raided my DVD collection and, SWAT-style, I rescued her from the muddy, murky, illness-prolonging waters of made-for-TV movies. The popsicles were strawberry, by the way. One can never have too much vitamin C.\nThe obvious movie choice, obviously, is "Ferris Beuller's Day Off." Granted, the friend isn't skipping school to go joy riding in a Ferrari, but I thought it might make her feel better about spending 18 hours a day asleep and doped up on anti-mono steroids. Eighties antics are enough to make any sickie feel a little better about the state of the world, especially when it's '80s antics we all know and love. \nAdded to the pile was the classic "Benny and Joon." Granted, Joon is mentally ill, not physically ill, but the music is good and it features Johnny Depp before he got cool. And it's a classic love story, really -- crazy girl meets crazier boy, love blossoms, crazy girl's browbeaten older brother falls in love with a waitress. Good music plays, everyone ends up happy as clams. We all end up with the classic hit "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by the Proclaimers stuck in our heads for the next six years. I figured if she was going to have weird dreams because of all the medication, her weird dreams might as well have a good soundtrack.\nSpeaking of good music (thank you, Bob Dylan), I also threw in "Wonder Boys." It really has nothing to do with being sick, but it's the kind of movie that is so convoluted that it's kind of hard to fully follow even when one isn't flooded with virus and medication. I thought I'd screw with her a little, really. She'd get all confused, and I'd sit back and laugh. I'm a humanitarian, people, not a saint. Plus, it's just a damn good movie -- funny, smart and well-acted. Robert Downey Jr. really ought to stay out of jail more often.\nBut the stack was growing heavy, so I thought I'd lighten it up a little with some good ol' fashioned comedy. I threw in "Legally Blonde" and "Son in Law," not because they're linked (or even in the same strata of comedy), but because my friend is a criminal justice major. Those people are into legal stuff, aren't they? Sure they are. And both titles have "law words," which make them, by default, quite funny. And they do say that laughter is the best medicine, even when you're so overmedicated that you can barely move your face. \nThen I realized that a sick girl cannot live by feature-length films alone. I thought about taking her my roommate's DVD collection of "Sex and the City," but as soon as I realized that I fully hate that damn show, I decided on my roommate's collection of "CSI: Season One" instead. Grisly crime beats grisly sex every time, I say. And William Peterson's pseudo-intellectual quoting always gives me a good kick. Who needs mindless prattle about Monolo Blahniks when you can be thinking about semen stains? Although I guess both shows feature equal amounts of the latter, the context is better in "CSI." And because she has mono, which necessitates massive amounts of sleep, I thought the 40-minute long episodes would be more conducive to her resting.\nI took her "The Italian Job," because it seemed like something she'd like, but the little snot already had a copy of it. Ungrateful wench. \nMoving right along, I took her "Good Will Hunting." It kind of fits with the idea of taking her "Ferris Beuller's Day Off." Will is our generation's Ferris -- smart, funny, in love, although cursed with a tragic flaw. Right next to that was "Garden State," which has the quintessence of "Good Will Hunting." And it's good. And it has good music. \nI'd like to think that my little pile of movies will play their own part in making her better. She's got steroids and notes excusing her from class, but those only fixed her physical problems. My little pile of movies, aside from entertaining her, would serve a higher function. Mono lays waste to a person's delicate psyche, and my movies would heal her. \nOn a side note, I'd like to add that these movies are mono-specific, and that the protocol for the flu, pneumonia and gonorrhea are totally different. Although if it's the last affliction that's plaguing a friend of yours, that "Sex and the City" collection might come in handy.