Whipped into shape

In last year's Valentine's Day edition of "Cakes' Takes," one can remember me lamenting about not having a date for National Singles' Awareness Day. Well thankfully, I've found that special someone who, for reasons unknown to any of my friends, finds me attractive. \nA blessing, right? Sorry baby, close your eyes -- a CURSE!\nMy juggling ain't what it used to be, so it's practically impossible for me to balance girlfriend, classes and sports. So, unfortunately one had to go, and while classes seem the likely choice, I hear a college degree really is beneficial. Therefore, ESPN has simply turned into the channel between "Real World" re-runs and Bravo's "Project Runway."\nSports have been sacrificed and my life has never been so fulfilling ... false.\nThe two hours I get to watch the IU basketball game for "work" is not nearly enough to fill my sports void. I need to watch games for pleasure and excitement. So I yearn to live vicariously through other teams such as Illinois, my boyhood horse of choice, and watch a game and smile, for I know my time is limited. \nDuring Games One and Two of the NBA Finals, yours truly, a boy who used to watch the NFL Draft in its entirety and every bowl game from the John Hancock to the Copper, sat through two hours of "Law and Order: SVU" re-runs because my significant other would rather watch paint dry on the side of a fence than indulge herself in the glories of sport. \nI know what you're all thinking. "Man, this guy is whipped."\nI'd try to refute it, but I'd only be wasting newspaper ink.\nBut it's not as if I didn't try to convert her. I convinced her to get season tickets for the basketball season, only to see her attend half the games and engage more in frivolous conversations regarding the players' baggy shorts than the actual game itself. And when a girl's only opportunity to attend a sporting event is an IU basketball game where mediocrity is personified by a 5-point victory against Penn State, it's hard to maintain her interest. \n"I'll watch tennis or swimming," is her best. \n"And I'll watch 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Ghost.'" My sarcastic response goes undetected as a beeline is made for the VCR.\nSo after four hours of Patrick Swayze and his constant swivel, I decide its time to sit her down for a chat.\n"Honey," I hesitantly suggest. "You know when you asked me what I'd like for Valentine's Day? I think I've thought of something."\n"It's too late. I already bought something," she retorts, shooting me down before the cause can take flight.\n"Well, return it."\n"I can't. I already took the tag off."\n"While that's hot and all, I really just want a day to watch sports. One day to catch up." \n"I thought that's what we could do."\n"Watch sports?"\n"No, catch up."\nSorry sports, I gave it a try. \nBut I leave it to you Hoosiers to help me out. You guys have three more chances to save me. Three more home games like Saturday's handy victory over Minnesota might pique her interest. If you don't, you might as well pencil me in for fashion columns this time next year.