Student dating spans from hook-ups to settling down

Senior Brian Dolasinski struts around campus with a permanent smile fixed on his face. He has a bounce to his walk, and if you look at him close enough, you can see tiny hearts circling around his head.\nSimply put, Dolasinski is at the start of a fresh relationship.\n"It's a blessing," he said. "You don't understand what you're missing until you're with somebody to share your experiences, thoughts, passions and feelings with."\nUnlike many college students who expect to find the love of their life within four years, Dolasinski didn't come to IU in search of a fiancé. Yet he wound up meeting someone that he could potentially spend the rest of his life with. \n"My view of dating is both casual and marriage-based," said Dolasinski. "I went into the relationship not knowing what the outcome was going to be, but I wouldn't be with my girlfriend now if I didn't think it was going anywhere."\nAlthough many students share Dolasinski's feelings about dating, a recent survey of 30 IU students revealed differently when asked whether dating on campus is casual or marriage-based. Only one respondent said he actually observes marriage-based dating at IU. In the survey, a whopping 29 students said the dating scene here seems primarily casual. \nSophomore Megan Kelly chose "casual" as her response, yet her personal standpoint is quite the opposite.\n"I think a lot of people date for the fun of it or for the random hook-ups," she said. "Yet I have realized it should be more about dating for marriage, finding that one person you are actually compatible with."\nThis isn't always the case. College years are notoriously known for promiscuity. In a nationwide survey conducted by the Independent Women's Forum two years ago, 91 percent of seniors reported "a rampant hook-up culture" on campus. "Hooking up," according to college students surveyed, can range from kissing to intercourse. Whatever the meaning, the various views of college dating are a direct reflection of changes in society. \nPsychology professor Phillip Summers has lived in the IU culture for nearly 50 years, observing a dating scene that constantly fluctuates.\n"As a student here in the 1950s, dating was much more formal and planned," said Summers. \nMuch of this new freedom was associated with the women's rights movement, which granted women greater independence not only in academics and the workplace, but also within dating relationships.\n"If a girl has more scholarships than her boyfriend, this may also correlate with a more dominant role in the relationship," said Summers.\nIn reflection, Summers said he is pleased with the effects of gender equality on college dating because he thinks change is a good thing. However, he feels today's new opportunities and busier schedules of young adults often put relationships on hold.\n"The college years are a time for students to re-evaluate their values and grow as individuals," said Summers. "There's so much they want to do, such as study abroad and participate in internships, and I'm not so sure those goals fit in with the idea of a dedicated relationship."\nJunior Penny Smith proves the professor wrong. Having been in a long-distance relationship from the start of her freshman year, she knows that her boyfriend miles away is the real thing.\n"If I were to give relationship advice, I would recommend trying it from long distance," Smith said. "It's allowed me to grow independently as an individual, yet I can still share everything with him at the end of the day."\nAlthough she misses his presence and admits to the difficulties of distance, she schedules time to visit him each month. All the while, she is careful not to let the relationship hinder her life here, confirming that the relationship is not for convenience, but preparation for marriage.\n"I think if two people can make a long-distance relationship work during the most transforming years of their life, then they are prepared for marriage," said Smith. \nFreshman Jason Plumton understands where Smith is coming from. His senior year of high school was also his girlfriend's first year of college. The distance put some strain on their relationship, but they overcame it by realizing their true appreciation for each other. \n"We became more of a priority to each other, and we both feel that we have more invested in the relationship now," Plumton said.\nHaving reached the three-year mark, Plumton said that both of them have are invested as a couple, and it would take a lot to break them up.\nWhile the couple has discussed the prospects for marriage, they remain open to the idea that their relationship may not last forever and remain satisfied with the here and now.\nPlumton is not unlike Summers' students. Often Summers' students show him pictures of their boyfriends and girlfriends and announce that they're getting married. \nSummers has seen it all, and he finds that the dating cultures of the past have blended together to form today's day's college atmosphere.\n"Today, I think it's a mix," Summers said. "A group of guys finds a group of girls to hang out with, but there is definitely a sense of commitment."\nWhether students date solely to find a mate for life or to casually hook-up for the fun of it, IU is perceived as a two-way street.\n"Everyone has different needs, different motivations and different goals," said Summers. "I'm sure that for some people, it is more important to find the perfect mate, while for others it is just about having a good time."\n-- Contact Staff Writer Lyssa Rebholz at lrebholz@indiana.edu.