My mom's band is better than yours

I was watching the news the other day and there was a story about a band. A closer look revealed this to be a band comprised of all women. No surprises there. In the past I have seen many all-female bands that can really kick it. But an even closer look revealed an apron, and a band comprised solely of moms. Not old men in drag, not grandmas, but middle aged women with kids playing rock and/or roll. \nAt first I was perplexed. I mean why hadn't any record labels yet considered this option? Moms like any others can be trained to play guitars. And the labels have thought of pretty much everything else: a boy band complete with five young studs (Backstreet Boys), another boy band with five younger, blonder studs ('N Sync), a girl singer who is famous because her sister is on an MTV reality show when in reality she is a terrible musician if you can even consider her to be a musician (Ashlee Simpson), but no all-mom bands. Is it that moms can't rock or is there simply no market for a band of middle-aged housewives? \nWell if there wasn't an audience before, it is growing as I write this. Housewives on Prozac (one of the funnier-named bands), is playing bars and parties around suburban New York. Frump is rocking Dallas and Placenta (a wicked name if you're in a hardcore band, but rather gauche for a band of moms) hails from Oakland, Calif. These three and many other "mom bands" are starting to gain national attention, which begs the question: what is rock 'n' roll anymore? \nBack in the '60s and '70s, a band was known for its musical talent as well as its ability to jive a crowd full of stoned hippies. Led Zeppelin wasn't just famous because its lead singer wore ass-tight pants that outlined his member. Cream was three average guys and one of the more ugly British bands, but they are legendary to this day. The Grateful Dead, even as old grandpas, could still draw a crowd. \nThese days a band's musical popularity is based on anything but its music. If Britney Spears were not gorgeous, she probably wouldn't have even made it onto "The Mickey Mouse Club." If Clay Aiken did not get second place on "American Idol," he would never be heard from again. By today's standards the guy who won 74 consecutive times on "Jeopardy" could record a top-selling album and lip synch a song with Milli Vanilli on "Saturday Night Live" just because people nationwide have heard his name mentioned a few times. \nI have been hearing and reading about groups from across the country that would otherwise be completely unknown were it not for some wacky or unconventional characteristic that has nothing to do with musical talent. But hey, every band needs a gimmick, especially if they suck. Some of the odd-gimmicked bands are as follows: \nThe Midget Men, from Wisconsin, are comprised of five sub 4-footers. The instruments are the size of the musicians, and the drummer has to play with a drum set equivalent to something you could buy at Toys R Us. \nMcScrewdriver (not MC) is a solo artist that performs primarily in the western United States and is the closest thing you can find to an MC Hammer cover band. He even wears the hammer pants. It didn't work for Hammer, it's not going to work for you, buddy. \nThe Grape Smugglers are from Tulsa, Okla. These performers dress in speedos, goggles and swim caps for every performance, and I doubt they can even swim. \nThen there are the Ass Ponies, the Butt Trumpets and Painful Rectal Itch. I don't know anything about these bands, but I have heard these names many times and still laugh every time. \nThe Lesbian Ninjas may or may not be lesbians. They may not even be women; it's difficult to say because they dress in black samurai gear for every show. \nGrandfather Clock is an 80-some-year-old singer/keyboardist who plays nursing homes around the country, or at least he used to until he became wheelchair-bound. He still plays around, but it's hard for him to travel much. \nOut of all the bands I just listed, the only one I would pay money to see is Grandfather Clock, and possibly the Butt Trumpets (you never know, maybe they really can rock). \nSo, while these mom bands are getting attention for superficial reasons, I will give them some credit nonetheless. These moms truly want to rock, and they put in the hard work in addition to their daily duties. They may sing songs about mundane things such as picking the kids up from school, doing laundry and wearing aprons half the day, but the lyrics they write do speak the truth.