Finite, beef jerky and vermin

My, how quickly things can change. One day, you're romantically linked with the likes of Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman, then you wake up and Kirstie Alley and the Snapple Lady (Wendy Kaufman) head the list of possible suitors.\nIt's kind of like having a tradition-rich basketball program beginning to turn things around stumble against a beatable opponent in a game desperately needed to buoy hopes of a return to the NCAA tournament.\nHow could a team playing so well, winning seven of its last eight games, falter and spill the glass that less than a week ago was half full? \nI open up a bag of gummy bears and a bag of Teriyaki beef jerky, pop open an ice cold can of Canada Dry -- a true scholar's meal -- and ponder. Then it hits me, like a right hook from Emmanuel Lewis. \nA mild-mannered, bow-tied professor with a soft-spoken southern accent once imparted some wise words upon me. "Son, math doesn't lie," he proclaimed.\n"Math doesn't lie? What does that mean?" I was left wondering. \nMy last math class was three and a half years ago, and to be honest, I'm a bit rusty on the Pythagorean theorem and putting matrices into reduced terms, but I think I know what he meant -- three years after the fact.\nWhat happens when your star preseason All-American guard shoots 10 three-pointers and fails to hit one?\nHow about when a team starts the second half and scores a grand total of two points in the first 10 minutes of the final stanza?\nYou lose -- because, simply put, math doesn't lie.\nIn a game the IU basketball team needed to win, the Hoosiers had solid footing. Down by one point to Minnesota in Minneapolis, IU was primed to force the Gophers to fight and scratch until the end in attempts to defend their home turf. Of course, the Hoosiers' attempts at finishing off the Gophers proved as fruitful as Carl Spackler's (a "Caddyshack" reference for you cave-dwellers). \nBut how does a team score a mere two points in 10 minutes and then run off 33 points in the next 10?\nA team that continues to puzzle even the most fickle sports columnist leaves me perplexed as to what will happen next. It's understandable for the Hoosiers to lose at Minnesota. "The Barn" is a tough place to play and the Gophers need to win their home games. But at this stage of the season, when only four or five teams from the Big Ten will get into the tournament, seven teams in the conference boast double-digit win totals, the Hoosiers not included. Every game is critical and with each loss, the light at the end of the tunnel diminishes, especially when you lose to teams with whom you are battling for a tournament berth.\nSaturday offers the Hoosiers a shot at redemption against Iowa (14-5). With Michigan State, Wisconsin and Illinois all but assured a place in the NCAA tournament, the fight continues among the conference's remaining teams. Eight teams vying for one or two spots and the probabilities are beginning to dwindle. Unfortunately for the Hoosiers, math doesn't lie.