Carpenter cult classic gets workmanly redux

John Carpenter made the original "Assault on Precinct 13" two years prior to exploding into popular consciousness with his seminal horror classic "Halloween." The flick, a cheapie B-movie which itself was an homage to "Rio Bravo," went on to become a cult classic. Rightfully so, the picture was made with enough grit and moxy to keep viewers interested in the single-setting gangland siege being perpetrated against the lone inhabitants of a soon-to-be abandoned police station. Hollywood in its infinite wisdom, i.e. remaking a remake, has decided to give "Assault" a redux. While the two movies share a basic premise and title, they're two entirely different beasts, bringing about changes both good and otherwise.\nEthan Hawke headlines as Jake Roenick, a cop disgraced in wake of a sting gone awry, who's now settled into a desk job and problems with pills and booze. His desk happens to be at the titular Precinct 13, which will close its doors at the dawn of a new year. Well, it's New Year's Eve and he's overseeing the closure with pudgy, Irish pig, Jasper O'Shea (Brian Dennehy), and slutty secretary, Iris Ferry ("The Sopranos"' Drea de Matteo), while simultaneously receiving therapy from Dr. Alex Sabian (Maria Bello of "The Cooler"), a shrink who's prescribed so many pills she's finally become one. All is going according to plan, that is until a bus full of thugs ascends upon the facility looking for an evening's housing. Amongst the criminal ranks is kingpin Marion Bishop (a cool as a cucumber Laurence Fishburne), who'd been arrested earlier in the day for killing a dirty cop, the crack-headed Beck (John Leguizamo), lady gangbanger, Anna (relative newcomer Aisha Hinds) and Smiley (50 Cent's favorite rapper, Ja Rule), a flimflam man with a predilection towards referring to himself in the third-person. Little does anyone know that a bevy of crooked cops headed by Marcus Duvall (an underused Gabriel Byrne), who were once in bed with Bishop, are looking to seize the gangster and subsequently murder him before he can finger them in a courtroom. Obviously the siege doesn't go swimmingly, and an onslaught of caps are popped, Mexican standoffs become the norm and prisoners are armed in hopes of protecting the precinct.\nJean-François Richet, a French director of some note, makes his U.S. debut with "Assault." He seems an odd choice, as the story is essentially a modern Western -- the most American of all genres. In spite of this, he does a solid, workmanlike job -- infusing standard shots with an artistry foreign to most action pictures. The cast also comes to play. Hawke, surprisingly, makes for a decent action hero. Fishburne, who embarrassed himself in "The Matrix" sequels, gives his badass some bravado. Sadly, James DeMonaco's script lets these fellas down. While it earns points for taking the time to develop its characters (a rarity in flicks of this sort), there are plot holes big enough to drive a Mac Truck through (why don't the cops just forge documents to spring Bishop as opposed to starting World War III?). Action beats are also lifted from other, better movies, i.e. Hawke impales a cop's head with an icicle à la "Die Hard 2" and Fishburne stabs another in the neck with a pen -- see "Casino" or "Grosse Pointe Blank," which gives the proceedings a certain staleness. Though, should we really expect better from the man who penned the Robin Williams debacle "Jack"? \nMy advice: catch this if you want a mildly entertaining diversion from January's doldrums, otherwise rent the original.