Pawing our way through school

Somebody's pet cat has a higher grade point average than I have. \nThat's not to say my grade point average is shockingly low; it's just that this cat's GPA is so very high. \nAccording to an Associated Press article published Tuesday, a Pennsylvania deputy attorney general's pet cat, Colby Nolan, received his Master of Business Administration degree from Trinity Southern University in Texas, although he never stepped paw in a classroom. \nIf you want to know the cat's actual GPA, you're going to have to read the article yourself because I'm not going to tell you. \nInvestigators paid a minimal $299 fee and submitted Colby's resume to TSU to qualify for the degree. Apparently the cat's plethora of experience in "baby-sitting and retail management" will prepare him for a promising career as a corporate executive, or at least a spot on Donald Trump's "pet project," "The Apprentice."\nAlthough it's inconceivable that a cat could have an M.B.A., I'm still impressed by Colby's super-feline experience in childcare and sales-pitching. I'm going to use my university-bought, higher-order thinking skills to assume those were merely resume embellishments.\nIt was no accident that Colby never enrolled in a college class, though. TSU awards diplomas without offering any classes -- either via snail mail, Internet or on a campus -- and synthesizes a fake transcript of courses for its clients to give to potential employers. \nAlthough this scam infuriates me because it makes it so easy to achieve the goal I've already devoted three and a half years of my life to, I have to give TSU a round of applause for creating a service that everyone has always wished existed but never had the guts to start themselves. \nWhile the state wants a permanent injunction, civil penalties, and costs and restitution for TSU's alleged violation of consumer law and restrictions, its Web site was still up and running early Tuesday morning.\nOn the Web site, there were several pictures of elated students sitting together in graduation hats and robes, typing on computers and walking around with backpacks who were obviously models because they looked too rested to be actual college students. \nThen I had an epiphany: Maybe a cat can get a diploma for the amount of money I spend on semester's-worth of textbooks, but Colby the cat will never have the "real" college experience. At IU, I have peers and a social life, sports teams to support, and soon, a class ring. \nIn your furry face, Colby the cat! You wouldn't have a finger for a class ring, even if TSU offered one. \nBy the end of commencement, though, it's only the piece of paper that really matters to employers, and TSU is just profiting from the unfairness of higher education in this country. \nToday it's difficult to compete in the job market, even with a four-year college degree. It's becoming increasingly more necessary for students to go beyond bachelor's degrees, either with graduate, law or medical school degrees. The higher the education, the greater the financial burden on prospective students. \nI guess that's what bothers me the most. Sure, TSU commits fraud with its business, but that doesn't escape the fact that we, real students, are charged exorbitantly for tuition -- tuition that will take most of our adulthoods to pay off -- and all for a piece of paper. \nI acknowledge that a diploma is recognition of formal education, and formal education is what everyone deserves to prepare for a future career. But maybe we shouldn't assume that the TSU clients aren't "college material" or are trying to take the easy way out of college. Maybe some of them are just poor people who want an opportunity to get a good job just like everyone else. \nMaybe TSU helps us realize a larger dilemma in our society. \nWhy should a cat have to be born with a silver spoon in its cradle just to go to an accredited college?