Kiss my grits evangelists

Despite all the recent political activity (I think there was an election this week), I can't stop thinking about an off-beat news bite which must be an apocalyptic harbinger.\nA Taiwanese man named Chen jumped into a lion's den Wednesday and tried to convert the beasts to Christianity.\nI don't know. I just wonder why it's important to "save" lions. They're cute enough, but they can be really mean. I could understand if it was a pit full of chimpanzees. Those things are precious. Never has a chimpanzee tried to gnaw on my arm for a morsel of fresh meat. \nWhen ancient Romans were looking for a good time, they didn't introduce Christians to an arena full of chimps. They fed them to the lions. A Christian evangelizing Simba is like the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People holding a bake sale for the Klan. It just don't make no sense.\nSo Christian fanatics are confusing the hell out of me. It's acceptable to set off bombs in abortion clinics. It's alright to bash gays and deny them rights as human beings. But for God's sake, we need the lions.\nWhat? Why?\nWhat are the lions going to do once they get into heaven? They already run around naked all day and have their fill of exotic berries. Isn't that Valhalla's selling point? What other incentives can Christians offer the chocolate-maned animals? I would propose to show them some magic tricks (evangelical Christians excel at illusions), but a certain Las Vegas snow lion made it clear they don't like magicians, so I just can't see what else there is. This is an uphill battle for the Christians. They have a better shot convincing Muslims that they all worship the same god.\nBut all ironies aside, Chen's quest really isn't that surprising. Christians have always preached the word of Jesus to people who were doing just fine with their own religions before the pasty-faced cross-mongers arrived. Can someone explain to me why an evangelist needs to force everyone around him to believe the same thing he believes? I like chimpanzees, but I don't need to go on a crusade to convince every soul I've never met that chimpanzees are by far the cutest damn creatures around to reinforce my own beliefs. \nWidespread evangelism has historically done far more harm than good. I'm not just talking about religious wars like the Crusades that killed millions of Muslims and Christians and everyone else in the war path. I'm talking about the attitude that has permeated the minds of otherwise rational people that disregards other peoples' rights to their own beliefs. \nJosh De Evangelist goes to Africa to "spread the word of Christ," which means he'll tell the natives their own religions are nothing but voodoo and superstition and the only way to lead a pure life is through Christ.\nJack De Lawmaker moves to require prayer in schools in the interests of securing moral order, which means he'll alienate every child in school who doesn't believe in Christ, or in any god for that matter.\nAnd George De President favors a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, in order to uphold the "sanctity of marriage," which means he's so insecure in his own beliefs that he's afraid millions of gays and lesbians will get married and raise successful families.\nThe biggest problem with these lines of logic is that the people perpetrating them think they're working in the name of Christianity. Religion can bring so many helpful contributions to society, like assistance to the African families living in mission towns. If it wasn't for the I-know-what's-best-for-you mentality that often comes along with it, religion would be a wonderful thing.\nSo the next time you're in a lion's den, ask yourself, "Is this really what God wants me to do"