Keep your distance

Before Joanna Borns goes around petting the porkers that populate our campus ("The Squirrel Whisperer," Nov. 8), I feel it is my duty to warn you of one of their less than cuddle-worthy attributes: they carry the plague. In a class I took my freshman year titled "The Black Death," we were taught about the multiple onsets of the plague throughout Europe. We were also taught that the plague, though now a less lethal strain, is still alive and kickin.' The deadliest plagues were brought on by rats ... squirrels now carry the tradition as the mangy rodents who bring the plague to town. There are accounts of victims who contracted the plague by coming into contact with squirrels who carry the plague-ridden fleas (fleas jump up to 6 feet, by the way, so even getting close to a squirrel is risky).\nNow, I'm not claiming that all the squirrels carry the plague, or that you will develop boils and drop dead upon coming into contact with one of the rodent-like inhabitants of IU. I am saying that I would appreciate you keeping a respectful distance from me if you decide to pursue your dreams of petting a squirrel: about 6 feet should do it.