It's a jungle out there

Well, it's finally here -- Election Day. I hope if you're reading this you've already voted or you're reading it while standing in line at the polls. If you haven't voted, then the following may prove rather helpful in your presidential choice.\nWhen it comes down to it, to decide for whom you want to vote, all you have to do is choose a favorite animal. Are you an elephant person or a donkey person?\nThe elephant representing the Republican Party arose in 1874 in several issues of Harper's Weekly. The donkey representing the Democratic Party arose in 1828 when Andrew Jackson embraced his opponents' new nickname for him -- "jackass" -- and later became popular with its use in Harper's Weekly. So basically these two completely arbitrary figures came about through political cartoons meant to satirize party members but were embraced by the members when their lack of a sense of humor led them to believe the new mascots were flattering.\n"Who cares?" you ask. Well, no one, but these two noble creatures can be the key to unlocking the election. By closely analyzing the donkey and elephant, we will finally be able to see who deserves to be in the White House.\nThe donkey, as Bill Clinton so aptly proved during his term, carries a lot more sex appeal. One may not think a smelly barnyard animal is sexy, but, as a T-shirt being donned all over campus asks, "Who ever heard of a nice piece of elephant?"\nOn the other hand, maybe that sex appeal isn't very safe to be throwing around in such a position of power (as Ms. Lewinsky can testify). Besides, the elephant has its own appeal: It never forgets. I mean, who would you rather have in the White House, a common pack animal with a brain the size of a pea or the animal that will remember everything -- the good, the bad and the ugly?\nThen again, a donkey will fit much more conveniently in the Oval Office. The elephant would always be bumping its head, cracking the plaster, destroying the workmanship of our forefathers. And the donkey represents a lot more national pride than the elephant. At least it lives in this country in the wild and contributes to this country's ecosystem. What does the elephant do in the United States but hang out in a cage, get fed and learn how to raise it's leg on command -- big freakin' deal.\nYes, the donkey is definitely the answer. Not only does it represent national pride, but it is also open to alternative relationships. Just because the animal it happens to love is a horse doesn't make it wrong, it just makes its children mules.\nThen again, one of these animals will become the commander in chief, responsible for leading our troops against our enemies and defending our way of life. For some reason, I just don't think a donkey is the kind of intimidating figure we need on the front lines. An elephant, on the other hand, can carry our troops over mountains to face our enemies and has that "intimidation" factor our army needs.\nYep, the elephant -- that is who should lead our nation. Not only is it intimidating, but it has an incredible amount of patience. For Christ's sake, its gestation period is between 19 and 22 months! Can you imagine carrying an elephant around inside of you for that long? That takes some incredible stamina.\nBut then again, the donkey is willing to work for you. It's main function is as a pack animal. It's willing to shoulder your burden and help you with your work, to aid you in your endeavors.\nSo there you have it -- the donkey and the elephant, the two noble creatures fighting for control of this country. Now that you have all the important facts, it's up to you to decide.