Daylight-saving time or death

If you've seen the 1985 classic "Back to the Future," perhaps you've noticed that Indiana governor-elect, Mitch Daniels, is suddenly acting much like Christopher Lloyd's character, Doc Brown.\nHe wants to mess around with time, and not just any time -- daylight-saving time.\nGreat Scott! Daniels hopes to pass 1.21 gigawatts of legislation to put all of Indiana on the crazy clock-turny-backy method so it can enjoy the numerous benefits of extra light.\nSome might look at his agenda and scoff, "Doesn't he have bigger fish to fry?" \nWhat? Like the fiscal fish? No. The daylight-saving time fish is the biggest fish of them all, so let's fry 'em up.\nThe benefits are clear.\nWith extra light, Indiana's crime rate will substantially decrease. In fact, crime will most likely be eliminated altogether. Potential criminals will think twice about breaking the law. With all that light, bad guys will likely be forced to leave our society and live underground, forming a civilization of mole people.\nThink about how much Indiana's soil aeration will improve. Thanks, mole people.\nAnd it doesn't stop there. With that one extra hour for daylight-specific activities, our golf-fueled economy would immediately flourish.\nIndiana will be an economic utopia. The only reason out-of-state companies don't come to our state is because we don't have daylight-saving time.\nIf you thought companies considered expanding to other states by looking at tax incentives, corporate income apportionment and capital, boy were you wrong! Ask any business major. Businesses are looking for one thing -- daylight, sweet, sweet daylight. Once we switch our clocks, businesses will jump across state borders until we have to beat them away with sticks.\nNot only will all this light-saving boost our economy, but it will also boost family values. Clock changing is fun the entire family can enjoy. What better chance to bond than during the mandatory resetting of all time keeping devices? Hang on Chief, don't forget the VCR! \nBy far the greatest benefit of the extra light is its ability to keep the vampires away. Indiana residents will save millions on garlic and crucifixes.\nPersonally, I just can't wait to say cool phrases such as, "Who got the DST? We got the DST."\nDaniels could enlist the help of political activist P. Diddy to pass his light initiative. Not that Daniels needs any help making T-shirts with slogans, but picture everyone wearing a shirt that reads, "Daylight-saving time or die."\nBut perhaps you can't be influenced by a gimmicky T-shirt.\nIf you're still not convinced about daylight-saving time, I'd like you to meet Hank. I made him up, but he will serve as a tragic example of what can happen if we don't switch to daylight-saving time.\nHank was massively afraid of the dark. He lived in perpetual fear of the night. Then he moved to Indiana where it gets dark early and now he's more scared.\nWhy settle for only one extra hour of daylight? Really, is it fair for Alaska and Canada and all those axis-located places to hog the light? I think not. It's Indiana's turn for a sweet 24-hour summer solstice. Step aside.\nAs long as we're playing God and changing time, why not find a way to adjust the earth's axis so we can get in on more of those UV rays? With today's technological advances, I know someone out there is sitting on a way to change the earth's rotation.\nA planetary-rotation-super-gravity-ray gun station would be an excellent way to bring more professional high tech jobs to the state.\nI can tell you one thing. Ain't nothing gonna hold me and my solar-powered calculator back anymore.