Don't seize the day

A cliché wouldn't be a cliché if it didn't roll off the tongue with ease and make absolutely no literal sense. But one particular cliché cuts into my soul and makes me feel a distinct twinge of guilt every time I hear it.\n"Live each day as if it were your last."\nLet's stop and evaluate everything I did today. I went to class. I ate a sandwich. I did my Spanish homework. I checked my e-mail. And that was my last day to live? Oops.\nThat particular saying makes me feel as if I've been squandering away the precious gift of life, and perhaps that is its intention. But what exactly am I supposed to be doing? Should I run naked through the streets and scream, "Woohoo! I love life! And I love you, random stranger! Give me a hug!?"\nI was under the impression that kind of behavior gets you arrested. But maybe that's just me.\nSome people might defend the saying as a motto for their lifestyle, but the rest of us who aren't crazy hippies and happen to be a little more jaded have to realize that anyone who utters that saying is a bigger hypocrite than a dentist in a candy store.\nLive each day like it will be your last? That's horrible advice! If I acted as if today were my last day on Earth, you know where I would end up tomorrow? I would be in prison. How about you?\nIf everyone pretended they only had one day left to live, chaos would ensue. Everyone would be running around trying to live life to its fullest within 24 hours. No one would go to work. And society would essentially come to a halt. For heaven's sake, the mail would not be delivered! All members of the postal service would be running naked through the streets screaming, "Give me a hug, random stranger!" \nWe can't live like that.\nIt's Monday. What would you do if today was your last day to live? \nI wouldn't go to class. But if everyday is supposed to be my last day, I would never go to class. I would never graduate from college. I would never get a job and I would be a societal leech. But we would all be leeches, living together in a yellow submarine, and that can't be a good thing.\nIf I had only one day to live, I would give away and/or spend all of my money. But then I would be broke the next day. I would have to rely only on the spare change I received from running naked through the streets hugging random strangers.\nAny motivational speaker who tells you to live each day as if it were your last is essentially an anarchist. I've come to decide that every piece of beautiful clichéd advice is pushing a secret agenda.\nBelieve in yourself? Propaganda. It's what's on the inside that counts? Propaganda. C'est la vie? French propaganda. Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive?" Propaganda Fest 1979.\nI say don't mindlessly repeat these maxims as some trench coat-wearing evil genius sits back, stroking his cat and saying, "Look at those fools! While they're all so busy believing in themselves and seizing the day, I am one step closer to world domination." Then he laughs maniacally.\nI don't want to feel guilty because every day is not one big, crazy fiesta. I took a nap instead of hitting a piñata. I ate some pudding instead of sky diving. I read a book instead of stealing a car. Is that so wrong?\nHow can we so easily forget the words of little orphan Annie? Assuming there are no nuclear holocausts or solar explosions, "the sun'll come out tomorrow." Next time you want to carpe that diem, stop and remember that Daddy Warbucks loves you even if all you did today was check your e-mail.