Burnt lasagna better than 'Garfield'

Attention, Hollywood: Do you see what you've done by not giving Bill Murray the Best Actor Oscar for "Lost in Translation?" You've reduced him to "Garfield: The Movie," a completely miserable, humorless and dumbed-down cinematic version of the famous comic strip fat cat who feuds with dogs, makes fun of his owner and chows down on lasagna.\nAs a general rule, I'm weary of any film that advertises itself as "The Movie." It indicates there is typically another version of the same thing in an alternative media that's also typically better. \n"Garfield: The Movie" is no exception. The comic strip, drawn and syndicated by Indiana's own Jim Davis since 1978, was never brilliantly funny; but at least it is nostalgic and simple. I remember eating bowls of cereal for breakfast over my hometown newspaper's comics section when I was younger, reading "Garfield," "The Far Side" and "Calvin & Hobbes." \nTurning this movie into a flashy, overblown marketing tool isn't just bad filmmaking … it's personal.\nI can imagine Murray rolling his eyes between reading lines. He provides the voice of a CGI Garfield, who is the only CGI animal in the movie. The other animals are for some unknown reason actual animals who have been given voiceovers -- including the lovable dog Odie, much to my chagrin. I kept wondering why in the hell they decided to do something asinine like that, and I think either they just wanted to show off their skills of weaving CGI with reality or they blew their budget.\nJon Arbuckle, Garfield's owner, who for years has been depicted in the comic strip as a perpetually pathetic bachelor, has been given a makeover in the form of the attractive Breckin Meyer, who lives in an attractive home in an attractive neighborhood and is the romantic interest of the attractive Jennifer Love Hewitt. \nHewitt plays Liz, Garfield's veterinarian, and Jon brings him into her office at an apparently abnormal rate just to pine for her. Everyone I know would find that borderline stalking, but that's neither here nor there. \nThe plot is dumb: a local ascot-wearing TV personality (Stephen Tobolowsky) steals the talented Odie. Jon, Liz and Garfield must save the day. Truth to be told, I gave up on the plot and kept my sanity by counting gratuitous product placements (16, but please don't go and try to count yourself).\nWhile there's at least a plot, there is no enjoyment to be found anywhere in "Garfield." It's flat, it's very uninspiring and it should be exclusively reserved for the elementary school crowd -- assuming even they would be interested.