Olsen twins annoy in 'New York Minute'

Ah, New York City. Home of Times Square, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty … and two very obnoxious twin girls who run through the city on a "wacky" adventure and, throughout the course of their crazy day, learn to better understand each other. Hugs all around!\nMary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, who were cute as baby Michelle on "Full House" but now just serve to annoy the hell out of anyone over 12, star in "New York Minute," which follows the two polar-opposite twin sisters through a crazy day in the NYC. Ashley plays Jane Ryan, a top of her class cheerleading captain that is competing for a fellowship to study at Oxford, and has to give "the biggest speech of her academic career" at Columbia University in order to receive it. Mary-Kate plays punk-rock chick Roxy, a chronic truant trying to get her band a break by attending another band's video shoot. As they're trying to get to their respective places on time, they end up in the middle of a scheme having something to do with microchips and pirated music. Andy Richter plays a limo driver that's helping to orchestrate the whole thing, but his role is neither vital nor funny, as the filmmakers apparently planned.\nTo add to the "hilarity," the talented and often hilarious Eugene Levy plays a truant officer desperately trying to catch Roxy. Obviously reminiscent of the character of Ed Rooney in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," the filmmakers dropped the ball and gave Levy very little to work with. Even he couldn't do much to save this film, try though he might.\nOf course, throughout the day, the girls end up doing a lot of crazy things that have been tried in countless movies about New York: walking through sewers, getting kidnapped, standing on the narrow ledge of a high-rise hotel building.\nThrough it all, though, the big questions stay strong: will Jane make her speech and get the fellowship? Will Roxy and her band get the recording contract?\nThe ending is predictable and stupid. Of course Roxy gets the recording contract! And Jane doesn't make it to Columbia in time to make her speech, but of course she gets the fellowship! The judges find her note cards, and since of course it would have been a great speech, she gets the fellowship. \nThere's nothing offensive or vile about this film. It's just one big piece of cinematic trash that the world probably could have gone without.