Opposing the sexes drives them apart

This letter is in response to the March 30 editorial by senior Judd Arnold titled, "Why I'm Single," though it is a reaction to something far greater. Mr. Arnold, it seems, is a firm believer that "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" (though he admits in his article he actually has no idea what planet women are from). Mr. Arnold's view is one that can be seen throughout our society -- the view that the opposite sex (whichever sex that may be) is a separate species. Something that can never truly be understood. Something fundamentally and unchangeably different. I am not attacking or blaming Mr. Arnold for his views on the subject. It seems like this binary way of seeing the sexes is deeply ingrained within our culture. So deeply, in fact, people buy books and students flock to lectures in hopes of understanding the impenetrable enigma that is the opposite sex. Indeed, the very term "opposite sex" implies two things that can never be reconciled. Black and white. Fire and water. Male and female. From this binary, stereotypes grow. "Men are simple creatures," Dr. Lori Hart asserted in her lecture. "Women, we are complicated." Mr. Arnold took this to mean men are straightforward, and women complicate issues. I am not going to focus here on the argument of socialization -- that men are often taught to be open and forthright with their desires and beliefs, while conversely women are traditionally taught to be more passive and accepting, which leads men to be "straightforward," and women, unable to share their desires with as much acceptance, to internalize, or "complicate" matters. The point of this letter is not to debunk popular stereotypes of the differences between the sexes. The point is this: people are different. The reason Mr. Arnold is single is not because of the differences between men and women. If that were the case, no gay couple would ever break up. Ironically, by setting this invisible barrier between ourselves, we create tension and anger when there need not be. By saying "I am this, you are not this," our lovers become strangers or even enemies, and we ourselves create the need for seminars and self-help tapes aimed at intergender understanding. There is also the dangerous tendency to dehumanize someone who is "opposite" from oneself. If I commit violence against a woman, I can rationalize it to myself, saying it is not a human, not someone like me that I am brutalizing, but something different, the opposite of me. This is an extreme example, but it is nonetheless at work in hundreds of abusive households in the United States. I do not think Mr. Arnold meant any harm by his column. I do not think he is ignorant. I see his column as a tiny manifestation of attitudes we are all surrounded by in our society. Change, I believe, is possible, but I currently see very little to indicate a move toward change. In the meantime, however, perhaps Mr. Arnold would have more luck in his next relationship if he approached his love interest as a person, rather than as a "girl." J.E. Schaibley
Junior