A day in the closet

Closets are dark places.\nI thought I understood what the IU Day of Silence was all about before I picked up the yellow cards and shut up. I didn't understand. \nThe yellow cards explain the idea. "The Day of Silence Project draws attention to those who have been silenced by hatred, oppression and prejudice."\nOK, I thought. I'll just remain silent for the day in honor of those who feel oppressed. Then I did it.\nAnd then I understood.\nI spent the day in silence. I literally didn't talk the entire day. For people who know me, that might be a blessing. For me, it was a learning experience.\nThe Day of Silence began in 1996 -- the brainchild of University of Virginia gay, lesbian and transgender rights activists. Since then, the program has exploded and is officially recognized at more than 2,300 schools nationwide.\nIU students, including me, observed silence Wednesday. I was given a yellow pin asking "Have you been silenced?" and dozens of yellow cards explaining our position. \nIf anyone asked me why I was silent, I gave them a yellow card.\nAnd so I spent the entire day with a stupid grin on my face -- dead silent. It was like being in a closet. I wasn't allowed to let anybody know anything. And being a straight, white Anglo-Saxon male Protestant, it was my first foray into a closet.\nLet me tell you, closets are dark places.\nI was a bit nervous about the ordeal beforehand. I knew people would be looking at me. I knew people would be whispering about me. Although the day has come to embody the oppression of all silenced people, it is still associated with gay rights. So the gay looks came. And the gay whispers came.\nI thought I wouldn't care what people thought. I tried not to. But the more people stared, the more nervous I got. What if they think I'm gay? What if I see people I know?\nI thought I got it. I thought I was just standing up for the oppressed, the silenced.\nAnd so the day went. I couldn't wait to get the burden of silence off my back. "Break the Silence" was scheduled for 5 p.m. \nBut then a funny thing happened. At the moment I was supposed to break my silence, I couldn't. I didn't want to. I'd been silent so long, the natural thing for me to do was to remain silent. In fact, when I did finally speak, it physically hurt. \nI can only imagine what it's like for people to be in closets their entire lives. They are living lies. But I'm sure after a while, they can't leave the closet. For some it becomes second nature to live the lie. I'm sure once they finally speak up, it hurts.\nI thought I knew what oppression was. I thought I knew what it was for a group to feel silenced. After only a day in a closet, I realize now that I never will.