Bloopers, boners and bums

Reality shows have started a new wave of television in recent years, but how much of "Survivor" and "The Real World" is actually "reality" and how much is scripted? There is no way to know for sure, but my guess is the producers of reality shows do not start filming an episode without some sort of pre-scripting.\nWhile certain reality shows are probably not as spontaneous as advertised, there are some reality shows which feature actual events, which is reality television in its truest sense. One of these shows is "Real TV," which presents some of the craziest, stupidest and most heroic clips ever caught on video. Clips range from a matador getting hurled ten feet off the ground and nearly mauled to death by a bull to a brave man pulling an injured person off a train track seconds before the train races past. \nThis show got me thinking about all the crazy things that happen in Bloomington, and since at the time these events occurred I did not have a camera, I decided to write down some of the "Real TV"-worthy episodes I have encountered through my four years living in Bloomington in no particular order. \nThe IU basketball team's run to the 2002 National Championship game set forth a series of four riots which started after a third round upset over number one Duke and ended with a gas attack from the riot police after a championship game loss. With each successive win, the riots escalated in violence and overall wildness. I witnessed three of these post-game gatherings down at the intersection of Kirkwood and Dunn. Complete with flashing girls, flaming t-shirts, airborne bottle attacks, stolen street signs (many of which have not been replaced to this day), tear gas bombs, a naked guy hanging from a light post, dumpster fires, a tipped over hot dog cart and squads of riot police, these riots would probably have been too much even for Ahmad Rashad to introduce. \nAt Uncle Fester's one open mic night, an elderly man was intoxicated to the point where he could not grasp his beer glass or walk five steps without falling. After shattering three glasses, the man was kicked out of the bar. He went to the parking lot where he proceeded to bum change from any passersby, but within minutes he was vomiting so much he could barely even talk. Soon he took off his shirt, spewed a load into it, threw it at a car driving past and passed out in a bush for the night. \nOne Friday night a guy who may or may not have been drinking walked into a party with no pants on. I didn't end up staying long enough to ask. \nIt was a beautiful sunny morning and I was out for a drive when I noticed a black Honda swerving down Walnut Street. Other cars were trying to pass the out of control Honda, but when anyone tried to make a move the driver would veer right in front of them. It was too early for drunk driving (so I thought), so I assumed the driver was just having a bad day and letting out his frustrations on the road. Finally the driver reached a red light and got out of his car. He was a small man with a moustache and glasses, and the angry drivers who had been stuck behind him immediately started honking as he yelled back at them, "You have to drive slower. You are all out of control and you need to slow down." When the light turned to green the driver of a van stepped out of his automobile and approached the yelling man. After a short exchange of words the van driver punched the moustache man square in the face, knocking him against his Honda. As I sped past them I could hear another driver give a honk of approval.\nLate one night I was taking the long way back to my place with a buddy. It was a deserted and rather quiet night for a weekend, but there were a few signs of life. I remember seeing a guy urinating all over a nice moped parked on a typically busy street, case in point. Then out of nowhere a huge uproar broke the silence. We ran over to the scene of the commotion and saw a few guys doing a number on a parked car. It looked like they were covering the car in a month's worth of garbage, almost like artwork. They had been going at it for at least a couple minutes when one of the perpetrators had what alcoholics call a 'moment of clarity.' He yelled something along the lines of, "Damnit, you fucking idiots, stop, it's my fucking car." As that guy learned the hard way, trouble always catches up to you in the end. And alcohol can make people do some stupid stuff.