I just want PANTS!

When trying to find clothing to cover our bodies and make us feel attractive in a world that places great emphasis on looks, women love to remind each other Marilyn Monroe wore a size 12. \nIn truth, that statistic isn't as comforting as one might believe. Thanks to the phenomenon called vanity sizing, says Meryl Epstein of the Art Institute of Phoenix, Monroe would actually be wearing a size 6 today. \nShopping can be enjoyable if you've got the right body for it, but if you're tall, short, busty or, heck, if you're healthy and in proportion, it can be a nightmare. According to the National Textile Institute, most clothing is based off a 1942 study saying the average woman was 5'2," 129 pounds and hourglass-shaped. More recent studies show the average woman is now more like 5'4" and 142 pounds with a pear-shaped body -- meaning the hips are wider than the bust. The industry standard model was once an 8 but is now closer to a 2. \nNot only is the industry model mega-tiny, but sizes differ vastly from store to store. You enter thinking you're a size 8, but when you try on a shirt in that size, it billows like a circus tent or squeezes your torso like the casing on a bratwurst. Eventually, you fit into a 6 or a 10 or some other crazy number you weren't expecting. \nGentlemen, do you appreciate how lucky you are to have your clothing measured in inches? Tell the clerk your waist and your inseam and ten seconds later … pants. Nice, normal, predictable pants. Half the time, my dad doesn't even try stuff on. Shopping for girls' clothes? It's enough to make you want to become a nudist.\nThe lack of a standardized sizing system for women's clothing has inspired several manufacturers to shrink the numbers on the size tags over the decades without changing the cut of the clothing. Psychologically, shoppers feel as though they have lost weight, and that feeling of pride often translates into big profits for the store -- a selling tactic known as vanity sizing.\nVanity sizing can best be illustrated using research performed by NBC back in November. Their female test subject fit into a 10 at Target, an 8 at GAP and a 6 at Neiman Marcus. The smaller the size, the higher the profit -- Neiman Marcus made over eight times as much off this woman as Target did.\nI can't decide whether to hate this system or just ignore it. I recently had an internal duel with myself on this very issue when I wriggled comfortably into a pair of smaller-than-usual jeans in the dressing room. \nSavvy Feminist Stephanie: You know that number means nothing. You didn't lose ten pounds during the walk from the car to the mall. Your body is the same as before, no matter what the label says.\nTotal Girl Stephanie: (squeals) These jeans fit and they say my butt is smaller than it was yesterday! Yay for me! Buy them. Now.\nAmazingly, I did. Yes, this die-hard bargain shopper plunked down full price for a pair of ego-placating jeans. That really says something about the power of tags.\n If sales keep dropping and returns keep rising, perhaps the fashion industry will wise up and create a standard sizing system to take some of the frustration out of shopping. Even if they don't, I say we all just accept our healthy, beautiful bodies for what they are and move past the hang-ups about size and body image. Go for comfort and save yourself a few bucks. If your ego absolutely demands it, grab a Sharpie and scribble a new size onto the tag. That's basically what the companies are doing anyway.