Panel discusses 'Coming Out for the Holidays'

Kelly Compton, a self-described 31-year-old senior, came out over the phone while his parents were vacationing. He spoke to his mom first, and he knew it wasn't going to go well.\n"She totally flipped out on the phone and there were a couple expletives when I first told her," he said. "She was going crazy and eventually, the last thing she told me was, 'And after all we've done for you.'"\nWhat started as an impossible situation, turned out to be more than alright for Compton, as his mother finally accepted it.\n"She eventually came around and said, 'You're my son and I love you no matter what,'" Compton said. "And eventually, it got better as the years went on."\nBut not everyone's coming out experience is like Compton's. Five panelists discussed revealing sexuality at a discussion called "Coming Out for the Holidays," at 7 p.m. Tuesday in the Maple Room at the Indiana Memorial Union. Three students, a mother and an IU Health Center psychologist discussed ways to deal with the huge turning point in the lives of most gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.\nPanel member and senior Stef Shuster talked of breaking the news to her parents individually.\n"I really wanted to do it separately because I would have one parent who I knew would be an ally," she said.\nShuster's parents are divorced, which made coming out a little easier. She said her close relationship with her dad ended up yielding a positive reaction.\n"He pretty much just told me that he was concerned about was my safety," Shuster said.\nHer mother reacted quite differently, but Schuster said, "It's slowly gotten better."\nAs almost everyone in the room expressed Tuesday night, the coming out process isn't just a one-time thing. Those who reveal their sexuality must do so again and again. And for each individual that comes out, the experience is unlike anyone else's.\nCompton talked about his rough experience and how it soon ended. He has been with the same person for nine years, and they now have four adopted kids and are foster parents to five.\nSophomore Owen Sutkowski and his mother, Cookie, told of their experience with his coming out.\nSutkowski's mother said she knew all along he was gay.\nTheir story of understanding and support for each other inspired others in attendance to tell their own.\nAndrew Shea, psychologist for the IU Health Center, said the most important thing is to build yourself a support system. He said you should start with someone you know as an ally. This support will garner further support from other family members.\nSenior Brian Moak said these people will be curious about the lifestyle as well.\n"They asked me questions because they cared," he said.\nMoak said the more people want to know, the more you know they love you.\nShea said holidays are probably not the best time for people to come out to their families, because telling extended relatives at the same time you tell immediate family members can put a lot of stress on the family.\nFreshman Isaiah Astest looked at coming out as more of an opportunity than anything.\n"For me, it was an opportunity to break down stereotypes," he said.\nAs many expressed Tuesday night, the whole process of coming out really doesn't end. Panel members agreed that it's still hard, time and time again. \nBut, as Sutkowski said, "the sun comes out tomorrow and the clouds will pass."\n-- Contact staff writer Stacie Vasko at svasko@indiana.edu.