Losing our marbles

Last week I did one of the most brainless things I've ever done in my life. Suddenly noticing that my keys were missing, I retraced my steps to my car in a panic. There they were, right where I had left them, innocuously sitting in the ignition.\nThe embarrassing incident reminded me of how often we lose things and how much worry and energy goes into trying to find them again. Just last Thursday, Reuters reported that a German businessman forgot he had 100,000 euros (about $109,000) sitting in a case atop his car and sped off, sending the money flying all over the road. Will he ever recover all his money? I doubt it. The more pressing questions are "What sort of job does this man have that enables him to tote around cases stashed full of cash? And how can I get that job?"\nAccording to the Law of Conservation of Matter, matter cannot be created or destroyed, so anything we lose has to be out there somewhere. Indeed, thinking of the rows of keys populating the Ballantine Hall lost-and-found reminds us that missing things aren't vaporized, they merely change location. In a way, it's reassuring that so much stuff is returned; it suggests that "people, for the most part, are honest," as an employee of the King's Island lost and found said. For the record, among the bizarre items reported to have been discovered at King's Island are dentures, crutches and a single glass eye. \nOn the other hand, sometimes lost articles reemerge in decidedly unwelcome ways. A friend of mine forgot his math textbook in his classroom, and later found his very book, complete with his name written inside it, back up for sale at the bookstore. \nThere ought to be a special place in hell for people who re-sell textbooks that they find.\nIn July, a pet python that had been missing for two months reappeared by slithering out of a Dutch woman's toilet bowl. Actually, there seems to be a mini-epidemic of snakes appearing in toilets: similar cases have occurred in Dublin and Edinburgh.\nOn a more positive note, surprisingly many long-lost items do make their return, like the prodigal son, to much rejoicing. An acquaintance who worked in the School of Music Lost & Found said that a student once successfully reclaimed his lost pencil. (She demanded that he identify it first.)\nSeveral years ago I lost my driver's license, which was annoying not only because I had to get a new one but also because my picture had actually looked good on the old one. Amazingly, more than 18 months later the missing license appeared in the inside pocket of my mother's winter coat. Another time, I lost a green sock and chalked it up to the infamous dryer-dwelling sock-guzzling monster. Several weeks later the sock materialized in a pocket of my winter coat.\nNow, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Yes, but what about the Second Law of Thermodynamics?" This law, as you recall, states that the level of disorder in a system tends to increase over time. If missing articles were always restored to their owners, wouldn't that restore order to the system and thus defy the law?\nI don't know. I'm probably misinterpreting the law. I do know, though, that you should always return the things you find. And if you're missing your math book or your pet snake, just check your coat pocket.