Those of you that have read my column over the past year or so have probably come to realize something. I love lists. Without fail, I write lists of all shapes and sizes revolving around all things movie related. Some might say lists and movies are to me what math and music are to others -- an easy way to get off (figuratively that is, not literally).\nI am to the Weekend what Rob Fleming is to Nick Hornby's brilliant book High Fidelity (also a great movie for the three of you that have yet to see it). Fleming wrote "Top Five" lists concerning all things pertaining to pop. I prefer to write lists in increments of 10 or 15 -- five's too small for a guy with tastes as listless as mine. He ponders the top five songs to be played at his funeral. I blather endlessly about what flicks look to be worth a damn each season (fall, spring, summer -- it doesn't really matter), or better yet, which films I found to be most entertaining during a particular year or decade. In doing so, I realize I'm a complete and utter dork, but it gives me a sense of satisfaction. To know that my tastes are head and shoulders above all others (yes, I know this is "cocky"), well, it's reassuring.\nSo, without further ado, I'll do what it is I always do -- write another list. Certainly, I'm lacking in creativity, but it's 6:36 in the a.m., I've yet to go to sleep and I'm on a tight deadline. This one concerns the Top 10 Flicks Released This Summer. Believe it or not, this was a rather arduous task, as much of what's out there sucks. Whether it be the stalling motors of "The Italian Job" and "2 Fast 2 Furious," the primping prissies of "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" or the clogged barrels of "S.W.A.T.," the output's been sub-par. To do you all a favor, I'll keep it short and concise.\n1.) "Finding Nemo" -- Who knew I had the capacity to cry like a little bitch at some animated fish flick?\n2.) "Bad Boys II" -- It's the biggest, dumbest, loudest, fastest and freakiest thrill ride of the summer. What's not to like?\n3.) "The Matrix Reloaded" -- This movie is to my keister what Ron Jeremy's trouser snake is to an unsuspecting, topless sunbather's rump -- rocked!\n4.) "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" -- Larry Clark's titular "Bully" (i.e. Nick Stahl) becomes an action hero for the new millennia. Very cool.\n5.) "Better Luck Tomorrow" -- Stupid, close-minded folks might've labeled this flick as "gooks with guns." In doing so, they not only showed their complete and utter stupidity, but missed one hell of a piece of work. Minus an especially ill-timed visible boom mic, "BLT" is the best coming of age film I've seen in sometime.\n6.) "Seabiscuit" -- Glue factory jokes aside, horses and the all-star human cast surrounding them are this summer's prestige pic champions.\n7.) "X2: X-Men United" -- Wolvie berserker style! Schnicky, schnicky, schni!\n8.) "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" -- Sure, the title's long and unruly, but Johnny Depp plays his pirate character as nothing more than a Keith Richards caricature. Bar none, the best performance of summer. \n9.) "28 Days Later" -- For those of you who dismissed this flick's tonal change in the third act, you're an idiot. Mixing "Apocalypse Now," "Die Hard" and George Romero's greatest hits together into one broad masterstroke was the most brilliant 10-15 minutes I've spent in a theater all summer. Now, if only they'd ended on the freeze frame.\n10.) "American Wedding" -- As if it were possible, the makers of this final chapter to the greatest comedic trilogy of all-time (yes, you read correctly) actually managed to make Stifler (Seann William Scott) both dumber and more obnoxious than he'd been before. It's good to see he got his just desserts.
Honorable Mention: "The Hulk" -- Certainly, it's the best-edited film I've seen this summer, and I'd pay good money to see an Irish-American princess the likes of Jennifer Connelly read the phone book, but the ending … blah!
Keep in mind, folks. I've yet to see everything that's come out this summer i.e. "Whale Rider." And certainly, there's a few more decent flicks coming our way. I have high hopes for "Open Range." Perhaps it could not only resurrect Kevin Costner's once golden career (personified by the likes of "The Untouchables," "Field of Dreams" and "Dances with Wolves"), but also the oft-forgotten, all-American silver screen western? Also, "Freddy Vs. Jason" looks to be a laugh and a half.\nOn a completely unrelated tangent -- this is our last issue of the Weekend for the summer. It's been a privilege to entertain, offend and inform you. Please, look for the magazine's return on Aug. 28. Thanks for reading, and be on the lookout for more useless lists come fall.
