New Sandler vehicle a head-on collision

Call me motherly, or call me other things involving "mother." Nonetheless, Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson, Marisa Tomei, Colombia Pictures: You should all be very ashamed of yourselves. The fact that you probably won't be disturbs me deeply. The new Adam Sandler vehicle, "Anger Management," is a head-on collision with wretched humor, amateur direction and a steaming pile of script. Head-on collisions are not pretty, my friends. They tend to be deadly, not the sort of thing to bring laughter into the hearts of many, and "Management" is fatally unfunny in the ugliest way. Some sick plague, seemingly hatched from the hell-bent soul of Norma Desmond has been unleashed upon Hollywood. Anthony Hopkins bit it in "Bad Company," Nicholson's been knocked-off in "Anger Mangement" and DeNiro of late has been within a wheeze of showing symptoms. At this rate, we can expect Al Pacino to headline "Next Friday After Past."\nTo even attempt to summarize this flick's absurd plot could cause a nervous collapse, but it basically entails Sandler being sentenced to anger management sessions with the unorthodox Dr. Buddy Rydell, played with clichéd crazy glee by Jack Nicholson. Boasting an ensemble of extras from Woody Harrelson to John C. Reilly, and all-star cameos from Roger Clemens to our own Bobby Knight, "Management" seems to be more than over-compensating for something. Over-compensation is a running motif with a penis-envy subplot that is simply annoying. Written for the screen by David Dorfman and directed by Peter Segal, who's given us such cinematic gems as "Naked Gun 33 1/3," Sandler is Dave Buznik, a cat-clothing creative consultant whose aversion to expressing his anger worries Rydell, who's determined to break him.\nNow, if you find yourself wondering how this means Buznik ends up in anger management, don't worry. So is everybody else. With quite possibly the worst tacked on ending ever committed to celluloid, a thinly veiled and desperate attempt at covering the script's nearly incomprehensible stupidity, "Management" becomes proof-positive that the studios believe not a single intelligent human being exists, only dollar signs. It's hard to conceive that both Sandler and Nicholson have followed critically acclaimed films with such filth. \nMore upsetting than any film-related shortcoming of the movie was its concept of humor. I am not unfamiliar with Adam Sandler and his branch of comedy, nor am I opposed to comedy that approaches upsetting and sensitive subjects. I believe Todd Solondz' sexually depraved black comedy, "Happiness," is brilliant, approaching material Sandler would never dream of. But "Anger Management" isn't dark, it's just mean. The term "misogynistic" is sickeningly gentle. We get porn-star lesbian lovers who get more than a little excited at the thought of Buznik beating women. We get a self-hating bra-and-panty clad beauty gorging on chocolate cupcakes. We are taught that women love confident men and are easily bedded by such lines as, "It's hard to control myself when I'm about to explode in my pants." \nWatching "Anger Mana-gement" in the theatre, surrounded on all sides by writhing, pre-pubescent sexuality, as the 14-year-old girl beside me was passed between three boys, blowing and passing out hand-jobs like a politician, I couldn't help but thank God that we have such a light-hearted film to ease our minds in this time of national unrest. That's hilarious.