Reality TV: You are hot

Are you in the midst of a love affair with reality television? Did you lose sleep during "The Bachelorette" when Trista kept handing Russ roses even though he was shadier than a car salesman? Are you relieved Irulan from the "Real World" finally opened her eyes and discovered Alton is one of the biggest players of our generation? And were you convinced the shocking twist on "Joe Millionaire" would be that Evan was in fact a real life ogre and had accepted the lead role in "Shrek 2"? You are not alone my friend, and critics are hastily calling for our enrollment into some sort of a correctional program.\nThe blinding lunacy of these shows has many falsely predicting the end of the world is near. Reality TV is no different than a sporting event -- it's unscripted entertainment (excluding boxing). Sure, some of these programs serve as proof the divorce rate in this country will eventually reach 100 percent, but the shows are not to blame -- we are. We get off from watching people humiliate themselves, as well as being obsessed with knowing every minor detail of other people's business. \nClaiming reality television is detrimental to our youth seems unsubstantiated. In comparison to most other programming, the violence and obscenities on reality TV are minimal. Don't make this another scapegoat for bad parenting. If it makes you feel better, I'm certain little Johnny will eventually grasp that his mate won't be determined "Married by America" style. Call it a hunch. \nAnd like any other trend in our culture, we'll overindulge until we make ourselves ill and the fascination will ultimately die out. Before this occurs, let's maximize our amusement with some new shows sure to take reality TV to the next level.\nIs anyone else secretly praying Jared Fogle inflates back up to four bills? Then join me on the edge of my seat for a television event we won't soon forget: "Jared's Return to Glory." \nThe scene: Jared is propped up at a table with mounds of fried cheese, summer sausage and salty snacks. And believe me when I say the boy's ready to grub! We're talking Super Bowl-caliber ratings here. \nCan ABC please turn "Guy's House" (the place where all the men stayed while Trista was out on dates in "The Bachelorette") into its own series? Please, I'll do anything. A group of half-naked grown men running around like little girls at a sleepover is what I call phe-nom-en-al! I can hear the prelude now: "This week on 'Guys House' -- what happens when 15 single men are left home alone with an unlocked liquor cabinet and full access to a hot tub?" This would complete me.\nDid you ever wonder what it would be like to be buddies with a mega-celebrity? Well wonder no more thanks to: "Who Wants to be in LeBron's Posse?" Contestants will vie for LeBron James' attention by demonstrating their ability to perform such tasks as: picking up LeBron's dry cleaning, washing LeBron's Hummer and sneaking LeBron out of a strip club when his girlfriend shows up unannounced. Each episode will conclude with an emotional ceremony of LeBron passing out puffy jackets to those he feels just might be posse material. \nYou'll also want to get your VCRs rolling for these sizzling hot reality shows: "Mike Tyson Gives a Eulogy," "I Can Watch an Avers Pizza Commercial without Barfing All Over My Coffee Table" and "Hey, What Did that Phish Fan Put in My Brownie?"\nAmerica, will you accept this rose from reality TV? Lighten up and cease the debate over whether it's healthy. Just enjoy it while it lasts and hope I never become a television producer.