Join me for bedtime

Right now, many of you are nestled in your seats at class and about to reach the brink of never-never land. If you're like me, you're fading in and out of dreams about moving to Vail, Colo., and sliding down fire poles all day long with Ryan from "The Bachelorette." You might assume this dozing off is a product of your professor's uninspiring lecture. In actuality, you're most likely sleep-deprived. As we learn in Psychology 335, experts estimate 100 million Americans aren't catching enough z's.\nRest is tougher for students to capture than the ever elusive McDonald's breakfast. Dr. James Maas, a psychology professor and sleep researcher at Cornell University, believes high school and college students, who many agree require the most amount of slumber, are the most sleep-deprived in all the land. He also says that a well-rested person should need about 15 minutes to fall asleep. (Geez, and I'm normally out before I'm done slipping into my lace-trim satin chemise). \nThis is bad news. Due to your unfulfilled need to crash out, you've been: avoiding your 8 a.m. class like it's your ex, displaying the reaction time of Snoop Dogg, soaking your textbooks with drool, and piling up an impressive sleep debt.\nThis dilemma becomes even more alarming when we're in transit. According to the Department of Transportation, an estimated 200,000 automobile accidents can be attributed to drowsy motorists each year. So you can yank on that bell cord all you want, but if your bus driver decides its nap time, you better hang on like grim death. And the mere thought of an airline pilot falling asleep in the cockpit is downright scary; I mean Gene Keady scary. \nIf that wasn't enough, your need for a solid siesta can make you a Little Sally at the bars. Dr. William Dement, a sleep disorder specialist at Stanford University, said for a sleep-deprived student consuming one beer has an impairing effect equivalent to a well-rested student drinking a six-pack. This means after taking down a pair of drinks at Kilroy's, we should be flagging down our neighborhood "Drunk Bus." Instead, we opt to stick around slamming White Russians like we're The Dude in "The Big Lebowski," later propelling a verbal assault on the hot dog man. \nSo why aren't we sleeping? Well in my case, it's courtesy of the totally untrue rumor circulating campus that I've been suspended from the IDS after police pulled 50 cent and me over and discovered ecstasy in my Subaru. But for the rest of you, it's because you've put sleep on the back burner behind school, your job, working out, and social activities. And much like the decision to transform shoe salesman Al Bundy into tough-guy cop Joe Friday, you're setting yourself up for disaster. \nAnd hitting up Starbucks for triple espressos eight times a day isn't the solution (I'll of course retract this statement when Starbucks seizes control of the universe, in a last second effort to be spared). So what can we do to get some damn shut eye around here? Our buddy Dr. Maas has some great tips: Know your body's sleep requirements; everyone is different. Go to sleep and rise at the same time each day -- you should never need an alarm clock. Above all, remember that a sleep-debt accumulates over time and needs to be paid back to maintain sleep stability. \nI can only imagine what I could've become if sleep deprivation hadn't been terrorizing me throughout my college career. Who knows, maybe I wouldn't have been forced to cheat on my Latvian Orthodox Conversion Test.