Java genius

I prefer to write my column from the comfort of my dorm (read as: I can wear only boxers without being harassed). But I admit I've had a hypothesis since I've arrived at IU about doing work and coffee houses.\nIt goes something like this: Working in a coffee house is conducive to studying. That's my hypothesis. It's not exactly a rewrite of Darwinism, I know. \nI'm sure there's a reason it's conducive. It may be the coffee aroma. It may be the surroundings. Or, maybe people look really cool working in a coffee house.\nBut, would a column written in a coffee house be better, or would a columnist simply look good doing it? I was determined to find out. And look good doing it.\nSo, I packed up everything necessary to write my column (laptop, notes) and everything not necessary (pants) and headed to a local coffee house to find out. For anonymity's sake, we'll call it "Barstucks."\nBarstucks offers a cozy atmosphere, and most prominently, humongous caffeinated beverages with really fancy names. This is important. These drinks may all seem the same, but if you choose the wrong one, you fail. This is why ordering takes so much time at Barstucks: everyone is cautiously scanning the menu, wary to ingest any non-genius drinks, which come in one of three sizes: tall, grande, and venti (literally, "bucket").\nThe second lesson you learn is that to achieve full genius potential, you must have a window seat. This means genius spends lots of time waiting. \nBarstucks provides a few nice, comfortable window seats, if you're the first one to get to them, which I can assure you I was not. I initially sat as far from the window as possible, waiting. Apparently people that have window seats hold them as long as humanly possible. ("Isn't your open-heart surgery today?" "Oh, don't worry. I postponed it. We have such nice seats.") \nThe only reason other seats are even provided is so people can wait impatiently for their chance to seize a window seat, an event which plays out much like a soccer riot, only slightly more polite because no one wants to spill coffee.\nSo, with your coffee and a successful conquest of a window seat, you can begin.\nAnd, really, that isn't as easy as it sounds. I sat, and drank, and waited, and nothing. But as I was thinking about breakfast, the burst of genius I sought hit:\nBefore: "Cereal is yummy."\nAfter: "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!"\nSo, there you go. That kind of enlightenment, of course, doesn't ring twice, and I struggled to remember what it was when I typed it 20 seconds later. \nBut now that I had experienced it, I wondered, was that really genius or just delirium revved up on java? And is suddenly feeling as if someone is attempting to staple something to my forehead a common side effect of genius?\nI don't know, and for my safety, that's probably a good thing. Perhaps it's just the buzz, not the place, which creates an illusion of genius. After all, I do some of my best thinking under the warm, wake-up shower buzz. I just don't bring my laptop there.