Some teachers are failing

The following may fuel a student uprising reminiscent of Eastside High after Joe Clark was jailed in "Lean on Me." For that I apologize, but I'm merely the messenger. And the message is: Some teachers aren't pulling their weight. Notice, I said some. Many are doing a wonderful and noble job of developing our nation's future leaders. As for others, I'm not sure if it occurs once tenure is achieved, but at some point, they become the teaching equivalent of Elvis in his later years. \nSome teachers couldn't care less about their students. I once gave a group presentation and upon its conclusion, the professor proudly announced to the class, "That was the single worst analysis I have witnessed since I've been teaching." Every jaw in the room instantly dropped to the desk tops. She could have passed this morsel of information on to us privately; instead, she attempted to humiliate us publicly. Teachers should encourage students to improve, not demoralize them. \nProfessors who torture students -- their first born may want to request to be put on Prozac immediately after the umbilical cord is cut. \nOther teachers are on disgusting power trips. One professor I've had would intentionally administer pop quizzes while students were in the restroom so they would miss out on the points. No one should be penalized for having to use the bathroom (if I were that student I would mistake that teacher's car for the urinal next time). Some professors need to realize they aren't prison guards at "OZ" and should quit tormenting us. \nCertain teachers have the audacity to continually vent to the class about their lack of energy and displeasure with not getting certain holidays off. Have you all gone mad? You people get four months off a year! Most other professions get two weeks of vacation. You guys have the option of eating ganja goo balls and following Phish all summer long. \nAnd why has the concept of "dead week" become a complete hoax? Did every professor on campus meet and collectively decide to bend each student over simultaneously by making every assignment for the semester due the week before finals? It's like a week long prostate exam. \nOther teachers' habits that really irk students: refusing to give "A's," issuing tests that even Stephen Hawking couldn't complete during the time allotted, requiring students to spend additional money to make projects look professional (hey, good thing we get eight credit card applications a day), assigning time consuming projects that end up not being collected (homework shouldn't be a game of Russian Roulette), giving tests the day before a break which prevents students who have to travel far from leaving early (Merry Christmas to you too!), making no effort to get to know students on a first name basis, not curving scores when every single student did poorly (you're right, we probably all forgot to study), charging obscene amounts of money for class packs (do you want the money I made from shining shoes all summer too?), and putting as much energy into lectures as Ben Stein in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." \nThe teacher makes or breaks the course; the subject matter doesn't. Think back to all of your favorite classes. Did you sit home every night salivating over the material like you were Pete Townshend doing "research" on the Web? Nope. You enjoyed those classes because you liked your teacher. \nAllow me to reiterate, I'm not denouncing every professor. Some teachers are doing such a stand up job that Jaime Escalante would be envious. And now that all of my new teachers are in their grade books filling in a series of zeros next to my name and high-fiving each other, I'm going to stop.