I'm sorry, I wasn't listening

Over the past three weeks, how many times were you asked the question, "How was your break?" For most of us, the number probably falls somewhere in the range of 1,100 to 46 zillion. And the fact that this has induced your recent dependence on pain killers isn't even the best part, oh no. The clincher is that no one even heard your answers. \nStudies have revealed that listening in this country is declining at a more rapid rate than IU's prestige. So why isn't anyone paying attention to you? Well, unless you're Arnold Schwarzenegger and we're merely unable to decipher what you're attempting to communicate, the answer is complex. There are several contributors to our listening quandary.\nSome people simply talk too much. You know these characters, the ones who can't even leave you a voicemail message without your cell phone cutting them off. Not only are we friends with these individuals, but some even become celebrities. Just look at award shows. They have evolved into intolerable, five-hour displays of people who have absolutely nothing to say, yet utterly refuse to vacate the stage (Richard Gere is still at the Golden Globes' podium and has now begun thanking all of the busboys who have cleaned up after him over the years). \nSometimes the hitch is that we're asked questions we're not comfortable answering. I hate to break it to some teachers out there, but you know that habit you have of making us say something interesting about ourselves on the first day of class? We recognize your intentions as good-hearted, but it makes us all want to run to the front of the classroom, crack open the overhead projector, and ram our heads into the spinning fan. \nOther times, the line of questioning prompts generic answers. Take athlete interviews for example. A sports personality grabs the player after the game and says something like: "You just won the championship. You're the most popular person in the history of mankind. You can pretty much sleep with anybody you want. How do you feel?" Being put on the spot, the athlete resorts to stringing together as many clichés as possible: "Well Bob we just took it one game at a time, gave 110 percent and left it all on the field. Our backs were up against the wall, but we really came together as a team and took our game to the next level. It was a must-win ball game and we just wanted it more."\nThe reason some of us are getting tuned out is because we don't really have anything interesting to say. (This explains why only four people have successfully made it to this paragraph today.) We should strive to keep our conversation fresh and interesting. Next time your parents ask you, "How's school going?" why not replace your usual answer of "fine" with, "Well Dad, I think I might be pregnant. I've also developed this knack for sneaking off to the bathroom after meals and sticking my finger down my throat. And I continue this behavior until everything I've just eaten is back staring me in the face. I've racked up $13,000 of debt on my MasterCard at Yogi's and I'm addicted to Internet gambling. To top it all off, my doctor says my love for Bacardi has inflated my liver into the size of a basketball. So, how's work going?" Your parents will be ecstatic you've finally started opening up to them. \nImproving our listening skills is going to be a tall task; it's not like getting an early copy of a test for a SPEA class. It's going to take hard work and a conscious effort on our part to facilitate better answers and to be more attentive to those responses.