Clowns aren't always funny

Clowns are not happy people. They offer you their candy-coated smile and a taffy chew and damn your soul before you can say, "Bozo." And everyone knows what Bozo - or should I say B.O.Z.O.? - really stands for: Beelzebub's Overly-Zealous Offspring. The simple fact that clowns are in allegiance with the Dark Lord came as no surprise: thus, when, in 1990, ABC aired the mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's killer-clown epic "It."\nDirected by Tommy Lee Wallace, "It" follows the lives of seven children who faced down a shape-shifting evil who most often took the form of a clown. However, because the kids defeated but didn't destroy It, It has come back after their children have grown up, and this time, the clown ain't happy.\nLawrence D. Cohen adapted King's novel and has worked with King's material before, adapting "Carrie" for Brian De Palma and "The Tommyknockers" for television. With "It," both Cohen and Wallace do an arguably decent job of transposing King's characters and scares to the screen. However, they also leave much to be desired. At times, the pacing and dialogue, especially toward the second half, drags like a dead boy through the sewers (those of you who have seen the movie will understand this statement).\nThe cast of "It" is like an 1980s sitcom reunion, which alone is enough to scare most reasonably sane people. Lined up from John Ritter to Harry Anderson, "It" also features a very young Seth Green and Jonathan Brandis. And it is ultimately the kids who give the better performances of the movie.\nHands down, though, the best performance of the film goes to Tim Curry as Pennywise the Dancing Clown. That man has tainted the mind and soiled the seat of many a viewer, young and old alike, with his horrifyingly wonderful portrayal of King's cranked-out cotton candy pusher.\nRecently released on DVD, "Stephen King's It" can be a fun and frightening movie worth the few dollars you might shell out at Blockbuster, but no more than this. Boasting little more than an audio commentary by the director and a few of the stars, the special features section is about as special as the short bus.\nKing's "It" is often cited as one of his masterpieces, next to "The Stand," and you have to wonder why they didn't give this story the same treatment. Whatever the case, "It" turns out to be the courtesan of bloodcurdling clown entertainment: worth the price to rent, but not the money to keep.