Reality TV rules

Until two weeks ago, I was skeptical of the whole reality TV fad. I watch "The Real World." In fact, I've never missed an episode, EVER. I'm not joking either. I have seen every episode of "The Real World," with "The Real World" movie obviously not counting because, honestly, who watched that? I don't know anyone who watched it. To admit to watching "The Real World" movie would be like admitting to owning a Hootie and the Blowfish record. Hootie and the Blowfish sold like a billion records, but nobody owns one, do they?\n"The Osbournes" is funny in that "I enjoy watching car crashes" sort of way. However, in 10 years, we will look back on shows like "Survivor" and "Road Rules" and pretend they never happened. Much like "The Next Karate Kid" and "Rocky V" never happened, these atrocities of television should be shunned. I can't wait for that day when the rest of America will look at reality television in the same light that I do. But, two weeks ago, ESPN changed my biased view of reality TV when it began its non-stop coverage of the Little League World Series.\nOK, so it wasn't non-stop coverage, but it sure seemed like it. No matter when I turned on the TV, there was Little League World Series to watch. And watch it I did. I would sit and watch it for, like, six hours a day. Pathetic, I know, but I couldn't turn it off. It's like when there's a "Real World" marathon on MTV -- you HAVE to sit and watch it. It doesn't matter what else you're doing, once you tune in you can't, under any circumstance, turn away.\nLet's get something straight: I didn't watch the Little League World Series to find out who won. In fact, I could care less who won. To be honest, I don't even know who won. I didn't watch the final game, and I never really cared enough to look online and see who won.\nIt was the über-high unintentional comedy factor that kept me coming back for more. Watching 13-year-old kids break down on national television, being told by their coach -- who ironically doubles as their father in the off-season -- that they're worthless losers is a good time for me. Besides knowing that all the pitchers in the Little League World Series will have had five elbow surgeries by the time they graduate high school, it doesn't get much better than watching the hopes and dreams of little kids being crushed, and on national television nonetheless.\nMy favorite moment was this kid in something like the southeast regional nearly being forced by his coach to keep pitching when the kid's arm was clearly no longer attached to his body. "If we take you out, you're making us a weaker team," was the coach's contention. The kid did come out of the game, and when his team lost the game in the same inning, he broke down in tears. You really can't put a price tag on that type of entertainment.\nYes, I have many problems. Too many to even begin counting. But, in all honesty, how many of you tuned in for the same reason that I did? I know there are a lot of you closet cases out there. I'm not the only one who had nothing better to do than watch six straight hours of the Little League World Series, and I know all of you who are in my boat agree with me. There is no better television than the Little League World Series.\nCoinciding with the Little League World Series is the brand-spanking-new "The Anna Nicole Show." This may be the greatest television show ever. I'm not joking about this. \nThere's only one possible combination that could result in a better show than this one: a reality series based on the lives of the Coreys -- that's Corey Haim and Corey Feldman for the lay person. The stars of such '80s classics as "License to Drive" and "The Lost Boys" have to be living interesting-enough lives to warrant their own reality show. Anyone who considers Charlie Sheen a close friend has to have a story or two to tell. Someone really needs to make this show happen. I mean, they're handing these things out like coasters nowadays. Seriously, a guy called me last week about making a show about my life. That's how desperate the networks are getting. \nBut I'm digressing. There really is nothing like watching an obvious heavy drug user (Anna Nicole) trying to function in every day life. Plus, there's the ever-fun "guess what drug Anna Nicole is on" game. My girlfriend's guess: quaaludes and booze, but that's just her.\nSee? There are people out there as demented as I am.