A cynic is born every minute

For all their idealism, the baby-boomers sure didn't leave much of a world for us to inherit. Their dreams, however beautiful, were fated to end with their youth. So, despite years of incessant whining, there is nothing to make me believe that democracy and harmony will soon burgeon in the world's most turbulent regions or that bi-partisan grooviness will ever be achieved here in the U.S., the great paradigm of democracy.\nThat said, I must admit the hypocrisy in imputing the baby-boomer generation with failing to build solidarity for change and settling comfortably into the status quo. We, the generation they sired, appear destined to become even more self-indulgent and apathetic than our predecessors. But we can explain … really. \nWe've been accused of being completely bereft of work ethic, morals and capacity for critical thought. But it's not as if we were all born half-witted with split-second attention spans; the crushing pain of modern life simply instilled this sense of apathy in us. (In regard to our image, the Viacom media machine certainly did us no favors. Apparently, executives atop the monolith deemed us too smart, meaning a systematic dumbing down in the form of a decade-long "Real World" marathon was in order.) But let's face it, the "real" real world is a graveyard for ideals and idealists -- offering that it's best to categorically denounce everything, without really offering a solution. \nA cynicism and indifference like this doesn't arise overnight; it comes on gradually as evidenced by 30 years of declining voter turnout among registered voters. \nEventually you wake one morning to find you've lost confidence in everything: partisan bickering has left the political system virtually impotent; free trade, which you once considered to be unambiguously beneficial, will never lead to the development of a worldwide middle class, rather it will intensify the sickening disparity of wealth; months of bombing Afghan caves and/or hospitals will only result in a slightly more palatable brand of iniquity; Palestinians and Israelis will continue to grievously violate human rights without considering a political solution; corporate executives and workers alike are callously manipulating the gears of capitalism with the unwashed, invisible hand of self-interest. Finally, the dreadful state of the world has paralyzed your ability to form an opinion on anything so you temporarily declare a moratorium on giving a damn. \nNow you stay up late into the evenings watching infomercials, either waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in or the ephedrine to wear off. And where is the lingering malaise that defines the human condition more evident than in late night television? You cannot help but wonder how many people at that moment are sitting in front of their television sets in quiet desperation, waiting for some new product to ease their seemingly never-ending despair. \nLuckily for a lot of people, the abundance of new and exciting ways to sculpt your body without spilling your beer fills that gnawing void in their life just fine. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, even a particularly convincing pseudo-science will not suffice. We'll continue our search for validation in our lives elsewhere, perhaps somewhere where intoxicating substances are sold. \nBut I must say I was relieved last night to find that the reason for my absent-mindedness and insufferable personality was a dangerous lack of magnesium in my diet and not the culmination of years of mental atrophy or deep-rooted psychological distress. I cannot explain how calming it was to discover that with two pills a day and a colorful tutorial, both available on a limited-time basis, I could once again be able to remember my best friend's telephone number and with minimal side-effects. Had I called within 15 minutes, as I was advised, I'd be wearing a handsome bathrobe right now. What was that I saying about my generation again?