WHAT A DRAG

Angie Stevens stands in front of a massive powder-smeared mirror, staring at her thickly glossed pout. Running her hands through her artificial, but stunning, hair, she sways her hips to the beat pulsating through the dressing room floor. \nUpon realizing a reporter and photographer are in the room, she bellows for security.\n"Angie" is one of the five drag queens getting ready to perform Monday night at Bullwinkle's, 201 S. College Ave.\nThe dressing room is a whirlwind of last-minute efforts to primp, spray, tape and tuck everything perfectly into place. \nThe countertops are overflowing with evidence of extensive preparations: mounds of foundation, powder-caked applicators, spidery eyelashes, wigs of every conceivable length and color, eye pencils abused to the nub, fake nails, glitter, Aquanet, sparkling costume jewelry, pantyhose, empty liquor glasses and several rolls of duct tape.\nThe taste of freshly squirted but stale-smelling perfume rolls nauseatingly on the tongue while the thick haze of cigarette smoke makes it difficult to breathe.\nThe DJ rushes in, giving the "girls" a hurried warning that if they're not ready by the time his mix is over, then they won't get to perform.\nMonica Brooks tells Marissa Nicole to hurry up and get dressed, but Marissa is too distraught.\n"I can't -- there's a man present," she says, referring to the IDS photographer. \nNot counting the drag queens themselves, there is one other man in the room. He says he's considered doing drag but won't because none of the girls would want to date him. Drag queens don't date other drag queens.\nWhen asked why not, there were choruses of "That's just not natural,", "It's so Springer-ish," "It'd be like dating a woman," "We're not lesbians" and "We may as well be straight."\nSo why do they become drag queens? Heather Block started and keeps doing it for the image. She loves the illusion of her stage personality -- the "celebrity of it." She doesn't expect to be taken seriously; none of them do.\n"We're here to be entertainment. It's all about having fun," said Kenya Brown, lifting her glass of Southern Comfort up to her mouth. "Cheers to Queers!"\nWhile the chaos has been going on backstage, a considerable crowd has gathered up front and is waiting for the show to start.\nBartender Greg Belle, stage name Barbie, says the crowd turnout is actually lower than in past years. He suggests maybe it's because it's getting repetitive, there are no more production numbers, and very few drag queens do songs that require audience participation. \nHe says while crowd size has been getting smaller, the crowd's make-up has become more diverse. People of different ages, sexes and sexual orientation enjoy coming for the entertainment.\nAn audience member who preferred not to give his name said he enjoys coming because "This is like my family. I feel comfortable here. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight or bisexual, you can come here and have a good time."\nWhen asked if he had a favorite drag queen, he replied "I like them all in their own way, because they're good entertainers."\nBelle chipped in that every girl was different -- be it mannerisms, actions, dancing, song selection or impersonations.\nSo in competition, what constitutes a good drag queen? \nJudge Joe Peacock says the criteria are pretty much the same as regular beauty pageants. They are judged on poise, attitude, talent, grace under pressure and the quality of their facade -- the "package deal."\nPeacock says the girls are compared to an "ideal." Not the ideal woman, but the ideal drag queen. Drag queens are women amplified. They take everything that's great about women, and then exaggerate it, Peacock said.\nContestants are required to come to the interview portion of the competition dressed like men so the judges can see the full extent of their transformation. \nA "drag mother" is typically the person who assists the transformation of their "drag daughter" during their competitions and career. The mother is usually an older drag queen who takes a beginner under their wing.\n"When drag queens first start out, they think they're good, but they're not. It's what we call 'booger drag.' Really bad," says Peacock.\nHead Judge Jennifer Gray throws in another drag term. "Whenever there's a glitch in the show, we call it 'testicle difficulties' because more often than not, it's a male who has messed up," Gray says.\nUsually, the only glitch in the show caused by the drag queens is that they're never running on schedule. \n"There's Gay Standard Time -- 15 to 20 minutes late, and then there's Drag Time -- 30 to 45 minutes late," says audience member Brian Kehoe. \nGray says it's with good reason. Women run late because they have to go through their requisite primping routines. Drag queens run late because they have to become women before they can beautify themselves.\nWith that said, Gray and all the other judges agreed that "If men can look this good, then there's no excuse for an ugly woman." \nThey said all it takes is a little effort.