Tables are turned: Team asks questions

IU waxed Northwestern by nine field goals and four safeties Saturday. \nI said they'd lose. I was wrong. Way wrong. \nLet's have a little pow-wow with the football team and let them ask me questions (this is all make believe, just like Mr. Rogers and that little whistling train). \nMe: Mr. Cameron, I'll start with you. \nCoach Cameron: So, I'm fired, eh? Sure didn't look like that Saturday, now did it? You're mean. Quit being so mean. \nMe: No. Not until you win more than four games in a season. And I didn't appreciate that cold shoulder at Iowa. For Saturday, congrats, but you're still fired. Next, Mr. Randle El. \nAntwaan Randle El (with a mouth full of Skittles, just like Saturday): I'm the only guy on the team you seem to like. (Stops to chew). Damn Skittles. Anyway, why don't you have love for my teammates? We just slobberknocked the defending Big Ten champs. \nMe: You did. You are awesome. That's why I write good things about you. And I do like at least one more person -- Levron Williams. If you keep winning, I'll write more good things. Give me some Skittles. OK ... who's next? Cameron? You again? \nCameron: Antwaan, don't give this punk columnist Skittles. He's mean. \nMe: Coach, unless you have a question, I don't want to hear from you. Maybe next season, you can work for Skittles. Next, Mr. Williams. \nLevron Williams (smiling, because he always smiles): I played good Saturday. I play good a lot. Thanks for being nice to me sometimes. What do you think about those big, large guys who block for me. Any love for them? (Still smiling and eyeing Randle El's Skittles).\nMe: Lots of love. They're good, just like you. As a matter of fact, I'd say -- even though you yahoos haven't won but two games this season -- those offensive linemen are some of the best in the Big Ten. Antwaan, give Levron some Skittles. Next, Mr. Bell. \nJames Bell (defensive coordinator): Don't you always rip up my defense? Ha. We played great Saturday. Ha. Ha. Ha. \nMe: You still gave up 513 yards. Ha. But, the four redzone turnovers? Brilliant. How did you do it? Bell: Hell if I know. Luck, I guess. That stuff never worked before.\nMe: I know. That's why you lose a lot. Like 13 times since you got to IU. But, you deserve some praise for Saturday's calls. And for all those funky, crazy hand motions you make on the sidelines. You look like you're on Ecstacy. \nBell: I'm not. I'm on Skittles. \nMe: Time for a couple more questions. Mr. Smith, shoot. \nJustin Smith: Do you like ripping on us? It makes some people really mad, and we don't like it. Would you mind if I picked you up by your feet and smashed your head into a brick? \nMe: I'll be nicer ... if you win. Until then, don't hurt me. I like your hair.\nFor Saturday, the Hoosiers get an A+. It was shocking, amazing and fun. Keep it up. I could be nicer. But I could be meaner, if that's a word. For now, I'm done. Give me some Skittles.