So you're graduating, but what's next?

In a few weeks, a quarter of you out there will be graduating with a college degree in hand. Most of you have an idea about what you want to do with the rest of your life, but a lot of you still are searching for that answer. In this column I am going to provide you with some options through my experience of watching movies about what to do after you get the piece of paper that states you are fit to be a responsible adult in society. \nEnter the job market\nAn obvious answer to the after-graduation years, but who wants to do this? All of you business majors might want to check out "Office Space" if you haven't already seen it. \nAs Peter says, "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's been the worst day of my life." If this were any hint to what type of life you might have, why would anyone want to be in this world of paper jams and upper management tricking you into saying you like Michael Bolton? There are other options.\nStart your own brothel\nIf Tom Cruise can do it with ease, why can't you? We all know easy girls that we can pimp out to locals looking for a good time. Well, I guess if we did, this could be a viable option, but we might not have those resources. Still, just hearing the "Risky Business" star say, "My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over $8,000 in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?" makes you want it even more. \nGo on an epic journey\nTry to pick a reason to take some time off to travel; whether it's to just relax or make money there are so many trips you can choose from. How about searching for gold like in the great Westerns such as "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" and "City Slickers II: The Search for Curly's Gold"? You can always go cross-country looking for a stolen item like a bicycle as in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" and wind up making a film about it when you wreck Warner Bros. Studios. My suggestion is to lend your skill in the weapon of choice to some type of "Fellowship" that requires a deadly journey to Middle Earth in protection of a golden ring, but that's just me.\nStart trafficking drugs\nI know that this is illegal, but you should all already know how to do it well after watching last year's films "Traffic" and "Blow." You need to steal a plane, bribe a stewardess, cover your junk up as a doll and all the while be sure to watch your friends closely to see if they are going to screw you over. All you need are some cool sunglasses, a white suit and to know that 60 lbs. of money is equal to $3 million and you're on your way to becoming a rich man. At least until you get arrested.\nBecome a con artist\nMaybe another illegal option, but you don't want to work for a living do you? To become an appropriate con artist, watch the hilarious "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels," the very funny "Opportunity Knocks" and the not very impressive "House of Games." Whether it's tricking a woman into giving you money for leg surgery because you're in a wheelchair or pretending to be a genius businessman to impress the family that thinks you're someone else, these movies will teach you better than any stupid school could. And like Grandpa Simpson once said, "Back in the old days you had to con in order to survive…either that or work."\nBecome an older woman's boy-toy\nNow this is obvious because of the amazing, "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me" charm of Dustin Hoffman's performance in the incredible film "The Graduate." Now I said be an older woman's boy-toy, and not an older man's fantasy because that is just wrong, Anna-Nicole. Then you're just a gold-digger. With an older female like in the film, it's honorable, especially if you can date her daughter at the same time. But if you do get into a situation similar to this, do not be the naïve and scared little boy Ben is when an older woman is trying to bed him. Even if you think it's a compliment, don't say something like, "Oh no, Mrs. Robinson, I think you're the most attractive of all my parent's friends. I mean that." Just play it cool and whatever you do, don't take her daughter out to a strip club on your first date.\nSo here are some options that you now have. And when you are journeying while being chased by hooded horsemen or making an old woman pay for your bar mitzvah cake that she ruined, try to remember the hours and hours of studying and classes that got you there.