Comedian George Carlin strode onstage in his trademark black jeans and shirt, with nothing more than a few papers, a glass of water and his notoriously filthy mouth to keep him company.\nDespite his loathing for politics and complete disregard for tact and compassion, he started by addressing the issue of the World Trade Center attacks. \nHe even practiced some of the act he intends to use in his upcoming performance in New York to see if it was well--received. \nHe gave his opinion on handling the war in Afghanistan, suggesting the United States send a squad of Midwestern football fans whose diets consist of cabbage, cheese and beer and let their flatulence cripple everyone in range.\nMost people wouldn't dream up the idea of farting as an alternative to chemical weapons, but Carlin is a man with ideas. A self-proclaimed "visionary."\nA visionary who sits at home and thinks about enemas, toenail clippings, head scabs, lip crud and what sort of people need to be killed. \nParents with "honor student" bumper stickers, parents who let little kids do the voice on their answering machines, guys who have their heads completely shaved and rich yuppies who carry their babies in a backpack also made the list.\nHe went into extensive detail about his lack of concern for driving regulations, why one should never go back to the scene of a hit-and-run and how much he enjoys to rubberneck at other people's suffering (not inflicted by him).\nHe has also decided that the Ten Commandments are a "padded list" -- a marketing decision by the church to keep people under control -- and that only two of the commandments are really necessary. \n"I think he did a good job of putting the bad stuff going on in the world in perspective," junior Tyler McPheeters said. "He always points out the humor in a situation. I was also impressed with how much new material he had, considering that he's an older comedian."\nCarlin's opening act, comedian Dennis Blair, also seemed to be a hit. After an undecipherable opening, he redeemed himself by announcing his plans to run for president one day, with Eddie Van Halen as his vice president and "Free Beer For Everyone" as his platform.\nHe knocked cell phones, call-waiting, shopping online and Regis Philbin. He did dead-on imitations of musicians on his cherry-red Ovation guitar, and inquired why we never see rock and rollers advertising for safe sex.\nJunior Grace Overmyer said she enjoyed Blair's performance because "he didn't rely on shocking people to get them to laugh. He had tact and good material"
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