Resident Evil - R\nStarring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez\nDirected by: Paul W.S. Anderson\nShowing: Showplace East 11\nWith a Wes Craven directed "Alice" being filmed and "Tomb Raider 2" à la Jolie in production, the current pop trend of converting video games into "blockbuster" movies is where the money seems to be. But where the money is, the quality is not. Viewing the trend's track record speaks for itself. And Paul W.S. Anderson's "Resident Evil" is just one more sputtering glitch in the system. From bad acting to a truly scary script, this letdown has the life expectancy of an infant in a zombie ward.\nAnyone who has ever been to a recent movie can recall the dully annoying advertisements and trivia questions that precede the film. With "Resident Evil," this actually serves a purpose. Sometimes these slides contain definitions of various movie terminologies. Tonight, the term was "Stinger: a single, sustained note or series of notes played to provide emphasis for a specific dramatic event." Without stingers, "Resident Evil" is about as frightening as watching an old man gum a popsicle. Every creeping zombie, every gun drawn, every corner turned you can count on the sound of a combusting orchestra to cue you, "This is spooky!" The director probably could have cut down on the budget if he would have just said, "Boo!" during all moments of supposed tension.\nAnd as shamelessly cliché as this seems, the characters and script for this movie are nothing short of hokey. The dialogue in this thing was apparently transcribed straight from a really bad video game. Set in a research facility called The Hive, it is run by a supercomputer referred to as the Red Queen. The Red Queen is holographically represented by a little girl with the ever-creepy British accent, who uses spooky words like "implore," and says things like, "You're all going to die down here!" Which, of course, is followed by a heart-pounding stinger. When asked what the zombies' motivation for munching on flesh is, we are told in a disturbing child's voice, "The need to feed!" Please. The only need here was for something called a rewrite.\nLikewise, Michelle Rodriguez is apparently hell-bent on proving she has more testosterone than "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. With a constant "I-take-bitch-as-a-compliment" smirk smeared across her pugnacious puss, her character's range widely arcs from her first delicate utterance of "Blow me," edgily directed toward a male, to the cold-hearted sympathy of "Poor bastards," on observing a room full of drowned scientists.\nThe only thing brain-dead around here seems to be me for having expected the same guy who brought us such classics as "Mortal Kombat" and "Soldier" to actually deliver something worth my time. Don't bother giving up yours.\n
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