Kid Rock has little to be 'Cocky' about

The musical realm of Kid Rock is a place where white trash reigns supreme, intelligence is non-existent and it's cool to wear wife-beaters and derby hats. \nHe habitually refers to himself as a pimp and invariably has about as much class as one. Despite such enticing characteristics, I have always found it hard to regard Kid Rock as an artist of any caliber. Perhaps it's because he's a complete idiot. I saw him on "The Tonight Show" when I was 14. He wasn't famous yet -- just a random person on the streets of L.A. whom Jay Leno was asking mindless questions for a segment. Leno asked him who the vice-president was. He struggled for a moment, and eventually replied, "Uh…Dan Quayle?" This was well into the Clinton administration. For real, who is Kid Rock anyway? His real name is Bobby Ritchie, a kid from Detroit who was regarded as a failure in the industry for nearly a decade, until he jumped on the rap-metal bandwagon and "perfected the over-the-top white-trash persona," according to All Music Guide. His new album, cleverly titled Cocky, is certified platinum. Rolling Stone attributes his success to "the power of perseverance, eventual excellent timing and a truckload of dumb luck." Take note that talent was not even alluded to.\nA few weeks ago, MTV News Correspondent Iann Robinson interviewed Kid Rock at his home in Michigan. During the course of the interview, the two shot guns in the backyard and marveled at the strip dancer's pole in Rock's living room. Despite these distractions, Rock allowed his incompetence to shine through, perhaps most poignantly when he put down the band Radiohead. He said that he listened to Radiohead once and "hated it, I thought they sucked." The segment aired on MTV's "Bangin' the Charts" show and has since been stricken from the online transcript of the interview. \nWhen I first saw this clip on MTV, I couldn't believe it. Kid Rock, an artist whose work exhibits virtually no substance or notable musicianship, is knocking Radiohead, a band that put out some of the most critically acclaimed music of the '90s. It's really quite funny, isn't it? Let's put things into perspective:\n• Radiohead is a band out of England that has achieved international success and praise from lots of critics. \n• Kid Rock has sold millions of records, but critically, is laughed at…a lot (that is, when he is even acknowledged). \n• Radiohead's five members met while studying at Oxford University. \n• Kid Rock graduated from high school, maybe. \n• Radiohead's music is classic in the tortured, angst-ridden artist genre. They use a lot of textures, colors and layers, and are considered extremely innovative and talented musicians, worshipped by fans everywhere. Their music transcends the conventionalism of popular music, being described as "enigmatic, reflective, wistful, bittersweet, and poignant" on www.allmusicguide.com.\n• Kid Rock uses basic chord progressions and ignorant lyrics. All of his songs sound the same, except for those heart-felt ballads. He appeals to the little piece of America that just can't resist a red-neck who has porn stars and midgets in his videos and says lots of cusswords. Fifteen year-old boys love cusswords. Go to a Kid Rock concert and that's what you'll see -- lots of 15 year-olds. His music has been described as "brash, sarcastic, and irreverent" on www.allmusicguide.com. \n• When Radiohead released OK Computer in 1997, it was greeted with nearly unanimous approval. Rolling Stone comments, "The group's first three albums are all classic rock thrillers, sparkling adventures in the radical-populist tradition of the Beatles in the late 1960s. Even when the band is rocking, the peaks are still somehow shaped by Yorke's sense of beautiful understatement".\n• I tried to find early reviews of Kid Rock's albums, but apparently no one bothered to do them. Of his most recent effort, Cocky, Rolling Stone says, "The accidental freshness (of Rock's first album) is gone; instead Rock self-consciously builds on his bad-ass-hick-with-a-heart-of-gold persona. His sentiments are corny, but the execution is really corny…that's a big problem." Ouch, Kid, ouch. \nKid Rock's stab at Radiohead on MTV was hilarious. When comparing the two, it's easy to see that anything that Kid Rock has to say might as well be regarded as insignificant drivel. The debut of his new album was one of the big disappointments of the year, right up there with Mariah Carey's Glitter. Maybe if we are lucky, Kid Rock's record contract will get bought out, too. One can only hope.