Don't meet at the 'Crossroads'

Crossroads - PG- 13\nStarring: Britney Spears, Anson Mount, Zoe Saldana, Taryn Manning\nDirected by: Tamra Davis\nShowing: Showplace East 11\nHe said: \"I might be a liar... but this movie sucked\"\nBritney Spears, a bastion of "chastity" and "virtue," the diva minus the diva-esque persona, the girl next door and the impending media mogul. Britney wears many hats, and the latest one's that of actress in the vapid teeny-bopper road trip flick "Crossroads." And for some reason this hat seems to be ill-fitting.\nBritney's acting chops and this flick suck... hard. Spears stars as Lucy, a lily-white virgin-valedictorian. Once graduation passes she rekindles her friendships with childhood friends Kit (Zoe Saldana), a prom queen priss, and Mimi (Taryn Manning), a pregnant chick from the trailer park. \nThe girls, along with Ben (Anson Mount), the "ruggedly charming" ex-con with a heart of gold (cliche check anyone?) set out on an inane road trip to Los Angeles. Laughably absurd events litter their pilgrimage; the girls give a rousing karaoke rendtion of "I Love Rock 'n Roll," because as Britney was recently quoted in Rolling Stone as saying, "I love Pat Benatar!" The song is by Joan Jett, bubblehead! Lucy's character recites trite poetry from her journal, which coincidentally enough winds up being Britney's new hit single "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman," and is later butchered in a duet between the reigning teen pop songstress and the ever-sensitive Ben. I wanted to puke, and could have, had I not been laughing so uncontrollably.\nThe highly controversial scene, which depicts the popping of Britney's cherry by big, bad Ben, contains about as much taste as a rice cake. The two do the deed before an open window overlooking a beach. What if some kid were building a sand castle out there? How perverse and insensitive are these people? Apparently very, because I had to endure this crappy flick which they were both at least somewhat responsible for.\nThere's very little redeemable about "Crossroads," with the exception of the scenes in which Britney pranced about in her skivvies, and these finer moments were in abundance. The flick's a real disappointment despite being lensed by Tamra Davis, the director behind such modern-day comedic masterpieces as "CB4," "Billy Madison" and "Half Baked"; but then again, Britney's about as funny as outtakes from "Schindler's List."\nBritney, while cute, sucks as an actress. Perhaps she'd be better in a different vehicle, but I doubt it. \n

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