'American Gladiators' gone to hell

Rollerball - PG-13\nStarring: Chris Klein, L.L. Cool J, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos\nDirected by: John McTiernan\nShowing: Showplace West 12\nThe director of great movies like "The Thomas Crown Affair" and "Die Hard" has fallen as low as a director can possibly go by directing and producing a film like "Rollerball." This movie is uneventful, predictable and I had to force myself to stay until the end; me and the other 12 people in the theater who endured the flick on its opening night.\n"Rollerball"'s plot is as exciting as an 8 a.m. class. The movie takes place in the year 2005 during a worldwide obsession with the game Rollerball. Some team members are on rollerblades, while others are on roller-skates, motorcycles or pretty much anything with wheels. The owners decide Rollerball isn't popular enough and begin to cause horrible things to happen to players during the game to raise popularity. \nWith the help of Jonathan Cross (Chris Klein), Rollerballers everywhere unite to take a stand against the evil owner (Jean Reno) in a pathetic last scene where Klein turns into a super-mega-hero and saves the day. If Klein is trying to improve his acting career, he needs to look elsewhere. Come on Chris, it was bad enough watching you in "Here on Earth."\nThe Rollerball games get old pretty fast. Some of the cuts in the film are sloppy, and for a good 10 minutes you have to sit through watching the movie like you were looking through night vision goggles. But I must say that some of the special effects were pretty sweet at the beginning of the movie. Klein and an unknown, unnamed partner fly through the streets of some big city, dodging cars and trucks at super high speeds.\nNothing makes much sense in "Rollerball." Aurora (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) sports a scar on her right eye. They never say where the scar comes from, and yet Aurora is afraid to show the right side of her face because of it. LL Cool J falls off his bike and disappears for the rest of the film, but no one cares and barely anyone even notices. Two characters ride on a motorcycle in the middle of Siberia on a dirt road at 120 mph and their hair barely so much as blows in the wind. And what's with all the tattoos on everyone's faces? Why do they take a hayride at the end of the movie?\nMore than anything, "Rollerball" made me want to go to the roller rink. It's a bomb of a movie for director John McTiernan and an extremely bad career move on Chris Klein's part. You'd also think a movie that takes place in the future and has high speed sports scenes would have an incredible soundtrack but not "Rollerball." It will roll in one ear and out the other, so don't waste your time.\n

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