Dear Sexpert,\nI'm a virgin at 23, but think I've finally found "the one." My boyfriend and I have engaged in some sexual activity -- enough for me to be taken aback by, well, size. I understand a woman's vagina can stretch to accommodate girth, but what about length? If a man's penis is too long to fit entirely into the vaginal canal, does the cervix eventually learn to accommodate it (by stretching to admit the penis, or just shifting upward), or is the man simply inhibited from putting his entire penis inside the woman? If the latter is so, does this decrease his optimal pleasure?\nStretch
Dear Stretch,\nThe vaginal canal, much like the penis, becomes sort of "erect" during arousal. That is to say, when the blood rushes to your pelvis during arousal, it causes the vaginal canal to get longer and open up a little more. This is commonly referred to as the "tenting" effect. So you could say that, to an extent, your body will expand to accommodate a penis.\nUnfortunately, your expansion capabilities are not limitless. Even after the tenting effect has taken place, it is only about four or five inches deep, and the cervix can't accommodate any extra length. So that means if anything much longer tries to penetrate you, it could hit your cervix, and you'll feel a sharp, jabbing pain in your lower abdomen.\nHopefully, I haven't scared you off entirely. The good news is that men with large penises have been having perfectly wonderful sex with less-endowed women since time began. Rarely will you ever hear a guy complain, "It was just no good. I broke it off because her vaginal canal was just too short." Most couples aren't aware of the limited capacity of the vagina, and the issue never comes up. Most of the time, if the man does inadvertently jab his partner's cervix by penetrating too deeply, it's because he's just carelessly hammering away at her without paying much attention -- not likely to happen your first time if you're really with "the one" and he really cares about making this a good experience for you.\nYou shouldn't worry that the limited depth of your vagina will curtail your partner's enjoyment. Of course, you should discuss your concerns with him ahead of time, but chances are he won't notice. The most sensitive part of the penis is the tip. The shaft itself really doesn't have all that many nerve endings. So as long as your vaginal canal is long enough to allow entrance to the first two or three inches of his penis, I expect you'll hear no complaints.\nAs with any first-time sexual encounter, the trick is to go slowly. If you're really worried and want to "test" just how deep you are, you can experiment with fingers (yours or his). And you'll be surprised at how much you inherently know about your own body -- the cervix isn't something you have to literally bang into a few times before you realize where it is. Once you've engaged in intercourse, you'll be almost naturally aware of how deep your body will allow him to go, and he'll have a pretty good sense of it, too.\nYou'll also want to go slowly so you can make sure you are completely aroused and ready. The more aroused you are, the more accepting your body will be. You'll probably be a little nervous, but just remember your partner really cares about you (you wouldn't be willing to sleep with him if he didn't, right?). You'll both do everything you can to make sure it's a wonderful experience for both of you.
Send questions and comments to the Sexpert at jfinkel@indiana.edu.
