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Friday, March 29
The Indiana Daily Student

Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,\nMy girlfriend and I have been dating for more than a year, and we are deeply in love. Our sex life has been and continues to be wonderful. She can have an orgasm nearly every time we make love, but it is only a guarantee in the missionary position with a pillow under her butt. This gives me the angle to hit her G-spot. Is it too much to ask for multiple positions for her to achieve an orgasm through intercourse? (It's easy to do it manually.) Or should we just shut up and enjoy the magnificent sure thing?\nFishing for Positions\nDear Fishing,\nOh, you silly thing. You don't fix the same thing for dinner every night just because you know it's your favorite, do you? Even the best things in life start to get a little stale without some variety. That said, there are several things you can do to alleviate your "problem."\nFirst of all, you already mentioned that helping your girlfriend reach orgasm manually is easy. So why not try positions in which you can use your hands to stimulate her (or she can stimulate herself)? If you enter her from behind, either of you can use your hands to provide someclitoral stimulation. If she gets on top, try placing your thumb directly against her clitoris. Then, she'll still be able to move at her own speed, depth, and angle, and she can rub against your thumb at the same time. She could also try holding a small vibrator against her clitoris during intercourse.\nYou were wise to figure out that placing a pillow underneath her would change the angle of penetration enough to help her reach orgasm. I suggest you continue to experiment with strategically placed cushions. For example, you might find you can achieve similar results if your girlfriend lies flat on her stomach with a pillow beneath her hips, and you enter her from behind.\nThere are also no hard and fast rules (no pun intended) as to the chronological placement of the orgasm. You could make her come as many times as she wants to before you actually have intercourse with her. That's the beauty of foreplay. Or find a position you both enjoy, and if you have your orgasm before she has a chance to have hers, make her come through the use of manual stimulation after withdrawal.\nThen, of course, there's the more obvious solution. Just because you begin in one position doesn't mean you have to end there. Broaden the field a little. Move around, change positions, experiment. Then, when you're both ready, finish up in the position that is guaranteed to make you both reach orgasm. You get your fun with experimentation, she gets her orgasm, and everybody's happy.\nStill, I'd like to offer a gentle reminder that having an orgasm every single time is not the one and only measure of truly great sex. There is a tendency to believe that achieving orgasm is the ultimate goal of every sexual encounter, and I just don't think that's true. As you said, you're deeply in love, and the sex has always been great. So why complain if one or both of you doesn't reach orgasm every single time? This isn't a one shot, pass/fail deal here. When you're in a relationship as constant and loving as yours, the important thing is to focus on the intense emotional connection between you and the ability to use sex as a vehicle to communicate your feelings for each other. Once you realize that, suddenly, the singular orgasm doesn't seem quite so important.\nSend questions and comments to the Sexpert at jfinkel@indiana.edu.

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