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The social science of porn


By Mike D’Avria



This upcoming weekend is Valentine's Day, and one thought pops into my head. Porn. I could have chosen to use this precious space to talk about how great my girlfriend is, or use it to get my helpless, and often pathetic, roommate a date -- but I will use this space to speak of porn. There were many columns in the fall semester about this topic, but this column will be different since I have seen "Campus Invasion No. 32." \nAs all of you know, there was a professionally made porno shot on our lovely campus last fall. Shane's World Productions introduced some IU students to the world of adult filmmaking, and also enlightened the IU administration about the taboo subject since most of them watched it for legality issues. So I am here to answer some questions you may have about this porn.\nWhat is on it?\nFirst off, let me explain how crappy this film really is. It's stupid, over-hyped and horribly boring. Shane's World brought six porn-stars, if you can call them that, to IU and pretty much just went to parties with undersexed, horny guys who are probably very familiar with porn (watching, not making). They would hold "contests," and the winners of these little adult Olympics would be taken to a private room for some "down"-time with the actresses. There are then some cut scenes that were filmed at a hotel somewhere in Bloomington where the "stars" would then get to know each other better as well. \nWhat are the porn stars like?\nThe four girls in this "film" are the most obnoxious, oversexed, horny girls I have ever seen. These four girls give porn stars a bad name. There is not a word that describes how slutty they actually are. Even for porn stars they are slutty. These girls have reached an all together new form of skankiness. \nNow the two guys on the other hand, "Tex" and "Mr. Marcus," should get a promotion to a legitimate porn company because they define what a porn star is all about. They understand their art like so many do not. When Tex let out a big "Oh!" in that very emotional doggy-style hotel-bathroom scene, my eyes watered with tears because his performance was so believable. For this reason these guys should move to the big time. \nWhat do the IU students do in it \nLike I said before, the IU students partook in the contests to see who could get the grand prize. Now, in every contest scene there are a lot of IU students watching so the great thing is trying to figure out who you know. You will be disappointed though because the only students whose faces are shown are the very few that signed waivers. Everyone else is blurred out so not only is it annoying, but it's almost impossible to see if that really is the kid that sits next to you in your political science class.\nNow let's talk about the guys who actually partook in the events. These guys, with the exception of "Party Bob," are the most pathetic, drunk losers on this campus. The difference with "Party Bob" is that he is a funny, pathetic, drunk loser. I feel very bad for the girls on this campus if this is an accurate representation of the males here at IU. Hopefully this is not accurate, and you lovely ladies do not just have to choose from 18,000 "Party Bobs"

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