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(03/29/07 4:00am)
When we last left the characters, Red (Morgan Freeman) was walking along the beach in Mexico, about to meet up with Andy Dufrane (Tim Robbins) for what seemed like a perfect retirement away from prison by taking a trip to a Caribbean island. What we didn't know was that the island was populated with cannibals. And the only thing they value more then human flesh? A good boat race.\nWhile many loved the first film, I had always hoped for a sequel and this is exactly what I had imagined. Having Red die in the first five minutes and be an inspiring ghost is the perfect part for Freeman, even though he seemed a little too Casper-esque with his falsetto voice. \nOprah turned in a surprising performance as the Lochness Monster who attacks the cannibals' boat because she's tired of their people-eating ways. Through brilliant CGI by Peter Jackson's team, Oprah makes the 40-foot-long monster come to life. The beast feels real and gives the film a sense of warmth and a sense of humor as she enjoys a beer with Andy and Red before the race.\nWhen the ghost of Red tells Andy "If you don't win the boat race, then you're getting busy dying," there wasn't a dry eye in my apartment. Then Oprah ate him. Don't worry about this being a spoiler: It all happened before the credits.\nI had to make three pots of coffee to stay up 72 straight hours to watch the jam-packed extra features discs. Fifteen commentary tracks (three by Oprah, who filmed entirely in front of a green screen), 55 deleted scenes and a two-hour gag reel never got boring. But the best feature of all was the sneak preview for "Shawshank 3: Zombie REDemption" song. \nMcG kept his brilliant "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" and "We are Marshall"-filled career going with this sequel that makes Shawshank look like the 100-foot-long pipe of poop Andy crawled through in the original. Brilliant guest spots by Larry David playing God and Dustin Hoffman as Poseidon battling to death in a final scene is the fight for the ages.
(03/29/07 4:00am)
Music is the universal language that brings us all together. Virtually every social situation from birthday party to subpoena serving could benefit from a mix of sweet jams. Your hospitalized friend can experience the healing power of music through a "Get Well Soon Mix" with songs like "Knockin' on Heavin's Door" by Eric Clapton, "Live and Let Die" by Paul McCartney and Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust." We compiled five musical mixes for five life situations you're bound to encounter.
(03/29/07 4:00am)
Pam and Jim from "The Office" make pulling pranks on your co-workers look hilarious. We tried to pull some of our own in-office pranks, but there wasn't a lot of laughter. Pranking is hard.\nIf you want everyone to hate you, April Fools' Day is the holiday for you. One of our pranks ended in tears. It was two minutes of excitement followed by hours of guilt and regret eating away at the pits of our stomachs. Trust us, it hurt to exhale. We learned one important lesson on our quest for the perfect prank: Fake deaths are not as funny as you'd think.\nWe tried to pay tribute to the classic prank-call genre, but posing as a bereavement counselor and telling a co-worker that someone they know is dead … we don't recommend it.
(03/29/07 4:00am)
Mark Twain once said, "The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." The number of possible April Fools' Day pranks is an endless permutation of creativity, malice and good-natured ribbing. Some pranks are slight inconveniences, like ordering a Whopper at McDonald's or placing a pea underneath a mattress to see if someone can feel it. And some pranks are just a bad idea, especially if they're illegal.\nIU Police Department Capt. Jerry Minger said that he couldn't remember a prank taken to the point where the police had to get involved, but that doesn't mean the law is any less lenient.\n"The laws are in place on April Fools' Day as much as any other time of the year," he said.\nSure, you've got the classics like changing the clocks, flushing the toilet during a shower and dipping a hand in hot water, but here are few more prank categories that we don't recommend trying.\nSwapping -- Some swaps are legendary, like the "Seinfeld" roommate switch idea that had George and Jerry burning the midnight oil, but try all of ours and look out. Your victim may soon become a balding guy calling his ex-girlfriend "sugar" as he knocks up the girl he took home last month. Yeah, the swap is dangerous. \nBirth control -- The logistics are tough, (those discs can be hard to change without getting noticed and "the pill" is pretty distinguishable) but switching a birth control patch with a nicotine patch will cure their cravings … well not the food cravings. NOT RECOMMENDED!\nCell phone numbers -- When you make a call these days, the only thing that shows up is the person's name, leading most people to not know even their closest friends and family's numbers. Exploit that by reprogramming a victim's phone so when they try to call their girlfriend, they end up calling the girl they had a sloppy breakup with two summers ago and take a trip to Awkward City. Change their favorite pizza place's entry to their parents' house. A 3 a.m. call to your parents asking why they're taking so long on your Big Ten with extra ranch will be fun to explain the next morning. \nNair/shampoo -- This one is pretty classic and self-explanatory. We can't recommend it. There's not a good cure for baldness yet.
(03/28/07 4:00am)
Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley had top-billing at last year’s Bluebird show, but he’s taking a backseat to his brother, Stephen Marley, Thursday night.. Bluebird promoter junior Aaron Estabrook said Damian Marley doesn’t want it to be mentioned that he’ll be performing as well.\n“You hardly see that in the music industry,” Estabrook said of Damian Marley’s decision to let his brother be the headliner. “Damian is totally behind Stephen. It’s really cool. He wants Stephen to get the credit he deserves.”\nWith a full band behind them, the brothers will be rapping over each other as they represent the royal family of reggae at Bluebird Thursday. Tickets are $21 for the show with opening band K’Naan going on at 9 p.m.\nConcertgoers can expect to hear tracks from Stephen Marley’s new album “Mind Control”, released last Tuesday, as well as tracks off Damian Marley’s well-received 2005 album “Welcome to Jamrock.” The brothers produced each other’s albums.\nA video of their current tour, which can be found on Stephen’s Marley’s MySpace page http://www.myspace.com/stephenmarley, features a concert of the duo with Stephen Marley’s songs as well as Damian Marley’s “Welcome to Jamrock” and “All Night.” If past shows are any indication, don’t be surprised to hear tracks off any of the Marleys’ massive catalog, but the focus will be on Stephen Marley’s music, Bluebird owner Dave Kubiak said.\n“Without a doubt, there will be more songs from Stephen’s album this time,” he said. “Their styles are pretty different. Stephen is more Roots rock reggae and similar to Bob. His voice is so similar to his dad, it’s haunting.”\nEstabrook said that he was disappointed he missed the show last year, and when he interviewed for his job, he was told about the show which was described to him as a “landmark show.” He said Stephen Marley has a similar style and look to his father Bob Marley and agreed that he sounds the most like him. Even though it’s not his favorite style of music, Estabrook spoke excitedly about the show. \n“I’m not a huge reggae fan, but it’s something I don’t want to miss,” he said.
(03/20/07 4:00am)
The casual reggae fan knows of Bob Marley, but for more than 40 years Toots and the Maytals have spanned all Jamaican styles and genres from ska to rock-steady in their unique blend of reggae. Most well known for “54-46 that’s my number” and “Pressure Drop” the band reached new acclaim for their compilation album where they collaborated with Eric Clapton, Trey Anastacio, Jeff Beck and Keith Richards among others.\nBluebird owner Dave Kubiak welcomes the classic root-rock reggae legends to Bloomington tonight for the second year in a row. Less than a year after their April 2006 performance they’re back for another show tonight at 9 p.m. for $20.\n“They’ve won a Grammy – it’s a pretty big deal,” Kubiak said. “He’s a classic Jamaican reggae artist. For us to have Toots is a pretty big deal.” \nBluebird promoter Aaron Estabrook said the band has been popular in the U.S. but they are even bigger in Jamaica.\n“Oh yeah, they’re legends over there,” Estabrook said. “They’re in such high demand everywhere they go.”\nToots is described on their Web site as being “One of the most enduring of all Jamaican groups” and “Jamaican music with unrivaled delivery and dynamism.” \nGetting the crowd warmed up will be opening band To Bad Krew, which marks their first appearance at Bluebird and in the Midwest for that matter. Kubiack said he has heard good things from the reggae band. \nIt’s been more than 40 years since Toots and the Maytals got together and just one year since they played in Bloomington, but the number they’re most known for is “54-46.” The song is named after Toots’ prison number after a much publicized stint in prison for marijuana possession. The band also gained fame for having songs in the Jimmy Cliff film “The Harder They Come” and are on the listening list for the rock music of the ‘70s and ‘80s class.\nBluebird promoter Aaron Estabrook said Toots is a legend in Jamaica and that he ranks second only to Bob Marley in writing Reggae standards.\nSeveral hundred tickets have already been sold for the legendary reggae band’s performance tonight in Bloomington. Kubiak said and he expects them to range from college students to reggae fans from around the country.\n“Toots always draws a great crowd,” Kubiak said. “People travel from all over the place. It’s something special every time they come.”
(03/08/07 5:00am)
Spoon’s frizzy, blond-haired front man, Britt Daniel, kept the packed Bluebird crowd on its feet as he dropped to his knees throughout the performance.\nWailing away on his guitar like a machine gun, thrusting it against the speaker and breaking into occasional falsetto, he didn’t let a broken guitar strap halt him or the rest of the band from feeding the crowd a night of hard rock.\nIndie-rock band Spoon played a free show Tuesday night at the Bluebird to an estimated crowd of 900 to 1,000.\n“Did anyone pay to get in here?” Daniel yelled at the crowd after the first couple songs. They screamed back “No!” and cheered as he said, “Let’s have a party.”\nPacking the pit and the middle foyer of the club, the audience was enthusiastic and cheered often, with the occasional sing-along. The band, led by Daniel’s energetic performance, played a solid mix of old and new songs.\nThe band’s most well-known song, “Way We Get By,” which was featured in the movie “Stranger Than Fiction” and on the TV show “The O.C.,” got the biggest response, but even brand-new songs had loyal and first-time Spoon fans bobbing their heads. \n“The crowd was absolutely fantastic,” Bluebird promoter and junior Aaron Estabrook said. “From the start, Spoon really got everyone moving and didn’t stop for an hour and a half. Just another classic show at the Bluebird.”\nOf the four Spoon shows she’s seen, this was the best for Marni Bassichis. The 2000 graduate remembers Spoon’s first Bloomington performance in 2002 at the now-defunct Vertigo. The former IDS writer struggled to come up with real words to define how she felt about the show that had her dancing wildly and singing along from the front row.\n“It was a great mix of old and new stuff. They played everything I wanted to hear,” Bassichis said. “The fact that they came back here and rocked and played a free show – it was radtastic.” \nAudience members yelled for more new stuff after Spoon played the genre-defying song “Don’t Make Me a Target,” off their upcoming album. Expectations are high for the new record, scheduled to drop in July on the heels of its critically hailed 2005 album, “Gimme Fiction.”\nDaniel is “thrilled” that the 10-track, “no fluff” album is mastered, and he claimed it’s better than recent releases.\n“It’s my favorite Spoon record, and I didn’t say that about the last two,” Daniel said. “One song riffs on the feel of the “Solaris” sound track, but mostly it sounds like rock ‘n’ roll.”\nBackstage in the green room after the show, Daniel and his friend quoted Lou Reed lyrics to each other as he reflected on the life of being the front man of one of rock’s most promising acts. He said he feels fortunate to be where he is now, enjoying critical praise and a growing fan base, after playing a number of years with little positive feedback.\nThough often grouped into the indie-rock category, Daniel said he doesn’t know what indie-rock means, but he’s not sure he likes it.\n“I believe in rock ‘n’ roll,” he said. “It’s about getting a feeling. When I’m on stage I do it 100 percent.”\nNext up for Spoon is a week in Austin, Texas. The band isn’t on tour but is playing a series of what Daniel calls “one-offs,” in which the band plays a show and has a week or so off in between shows. The band is a mainstay at South by Southwest and is appearing at Bonnaroo this summer, but Spoon said it feels more at home in a college town.\n“I’d much rather play college towns than just about anywhere,” Daniel said. “It’s more real. I’ve always liked it.”
(03/07/07 5:00am)
In 1999 Tenacious D had a half-hour show that lasted six episodes on HBO chronicling the fake band's inspirations for songs for open-mic night. The songs were hilarious, it was outlandish and perfectly put together on the must-have DVD, "Tenacious D: The Complete Masterworks," which had the whole series in addition to a concert, short films and TV appearances. The sad thing is that Tenacious D have been living off their funny skits and subsequent album for a decade and this new film adds little new comedy to the once much funnier duo. \nThe film is a fictionalized history of Tenacious D, an actual band formed by Kyle Gass (KG) and Jack Black (JB). We start with a promising musical intro where JB's dad, Meatloaf, tries to shut down his rock dreams so JB leaves to rock. It starts well but gets dull as we follow the D's journey from KG accepting JB as his partner to their rising fame and attempt to get the magic pick and beat the devil in a rock-off. \nA few parts really work, like KG with a wig pretending to be an already successful rock star to woo JB into being his rock trainee. But for the most part the concepts of many of the scenes in the movie are much funnier in theory than they actually play out. For example, the film plays homage to "A Clockwork Orange" as a gang, wearing animal face masks with white body-length suits equipped with cod pieces to terrorize JB at a bus stop. It has potential to be funny, but there is no punch line and it's just an empty, shallow reference. \nFor a band that totes itself as the greatest band of all time, it would be nice if they could write a decent song this side of millennium. I have found myself humming "Dude, I Totally Miss You," from the soundtrack but longing for classics like "Dio" and "Wonderboy." Sure, the D still has inventive rhymes like the rare triple rhyme "rock" with "sock" and "cock," but for some reason the genius of that delightful rhyme has grown tired. \nSolid guest spots from Tim Robbins, Amy Poehler, Paul F. Tompkins and Dave Grohl made the movie respectable and Ben Stiller is spot-on in his cameo. He is perfect as the mutton chop-covered, long frizzy-haired old roadie doing his "how can I walk with these massive balls between my legs" walk and his guitar store guy is the most fleshed-out character in the whole movie. That's \nembarrassing for Black and Gass, who are playing inflated versions of themselves in fantasy scenarios like hanging out with Sasquatch in a strawberry river. \nThe features are deep and solid, but telling. Twenty-three minutes into entertaining band commentary, Black says, "If you play Dark Side of the Moon right now (dramatic pause) … it's shitty." KG responds, "If you play Wizard of Oz' side-by-side … you'll probably watch 'The Wizard of Oz' more." They also mention that most people will just listen to the band's commentary and ignore director Liam Lynch's, which is probably true. We also get a decent music video, a number of deleted scenes that are worth watching for the reunited trio of Gass, Jason Segel and David Krumholtz from the short-lived but great show, "Undeclared."\nAll in all, it's entertaining worth a rent and the special features are worth exploring, but I'm not going to pay to put "The Pick of Destiny" on my shelf next to "Tenacious D: Complete Masterworks"
(03/07/07 5:00am)
For Alan, a 55-year-old father, it was a “coming-out party.” Just one week after his wife filed divorce papers when she found him in stages of undress with another man, he came to a gay bar in Bloomington – his first time in a gay bar in 20 years. \nIt felt like “the weight of the world” was lifted off his shoulders, he said. \nWhether they are first-time patrons celebrating their independence or regulars coming in to catch up with old friends, the owners of the two gay bars in town stressed everyone is welcome at the bars, regardless of sex or orientation. Many will also find that these bars attract straight customers and aren’t that different from any other Bloomington bar.\nUncle Elizabeth’s: Sports at a gay bar\nUncle Elizabeth’s owner Steve Keith said patrons should forget everything they think they know about a gay bar and leave their expectations and prejudice at the door. \n“Some people like to think a gay bar is going to be a den of iniquity, but it’s really not that different than a straight bar,” Keith said. “Oh, you’ll see more guys kissing each other.”\nHe said a lot of people think gay bars won’t have a ball game on, but on a wintry Saturday night a couple weeks ago, Uncle Elizabeth’s showed the IU-Michigan State basketball game on its big screen TV.\nKeith said they get a mixed crowd of people – from those who recently turned 21 to people who look like they’re in their 80s – and everything from couples to “singles looking for the occasional love connection.” The jukebox is as eclectic as the patrons and Keith said it “can go from Scissor Sisters to Red Hot Chili Peppers to Etta James.”\nThe name is also unique. Keith said “Uncle Elizabeth’s” came from the 1948 movie “I Remember Mama,” in which a little girl gets a cat and names it Elizabeth, believing it to be female. Her parents are worried she will be sad when she finds out it’s a boy. But when she does discover its gender, she smiles and decides to call the cat “Uncle Elizabeth.”\nKeith said he opened the bar about 10 years ago because he thought Bloomington had the need for an alternative bar where people could “relax and talk.”\nBloomington resident Laura Monroe said she enjoys the atmosphere of Uncle Elizabeth’s, which she’s been coming to every weekend for a couple years.\n“It’s not garish like some bars can be,” Monroe said. “It’s homey.”
(02/22/07 5:00am)
I really wish John was still alive. Not only because he's one of the best songwriters of all time but also for all the love and peace he would be spreading in the world. After acing the Beatles class, watching the seven-disc Beatles anthology and reading a Lennon biography, I thought I knew the full story of John's life, but I learned lots of new information from this well-put together documentary that puts music on the backburner and focuses on his drive for peace in the '70s.\nA quote from Yoko on the back of the DVD reads, "Of all the documentaries that have been made about John, this is the one he would have loved." She's right. The documentary focuses on the part of John's life that he was most proud of: his post-Beatles years, where he spent his time obsessed with Yoko and writing protest songs for peace. While most would find him a humanitarian as he was singing songs like "Give Peace a Chance," the Nixon administration felt Lennon threatened their administration, had him closely monitored and tried to deport him. \nIt's true with most movies, but it's especially true that most documentaries live and die on the editing table. This one flourishes thanks to a delicate mix of archive footage of protests like John and Yoko's bed-in for peace and his anti-war demonstrations coupled with numerous compelling interview subjects. \n We mostly get Yoko's perspective, but there are at least a dozen other, mostly worthwhile interviews from FBI agents to former activists. Strong additions include Bobby Seale, co-founder of the Black Panthers and Walter Cronkite, the legendary news anchor who tells the interesting story of how he was the one who set the Beatles up with Ed Sullivan. \n While the focus of the documentary is the attempted deportation of Lennon, we are treated to a number of his solo work and Beatles songs, though sadly no other Beatles are interviewed. "Give Peace a Chance" and "Imagine" are featured as his big protest songs, but viewers still get his biography section interlaced with personal solo songs like "Mother" and "Oh Yoko." \nThe features include a number of extra interviews that are basically outtakes. "Dissent" is quite interesting and features numerous people drawing parallels between Vietnam and Iraq and illustrates the dangers of the Patriot Act and how against it John would be. \nIn an absolute must-see feature, which is sadly placed last, Yoko Ono fights back tears as she reads a deeply emotional letter she wrote to the parole board to ensure that the man who killed John stays in prison. I was wiping tears from my eyes as she poignantly expressed what John meant to her, their son Sean and the world. For anyone who loves John, Yoko paints a riveting picture of what John would be doing with his life now, how full of life he was at his death and what a truly unique, wonderful man he was, even if he had never written a song.
(02/13/07 4:00pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Who is this man?Bryant Paul, 34, began teaching at IU in 2003. His class, T410 Sex in the Media, details sex in mainstream media – how it’s regulated and how it’s promoted. In addition to teaching, Paul conducts numerous studies on how pornography affects people. In a recent study, he showed some subjects barely legal porn, featuring 18- and 19-year-olds, and other subjects regular porn. He then showed all of them images of fully clothed children, along with sexual words, to test which subjects drew a connection between the two. To little surprise, Paul concluded that those connections came quicker and easier for the subjects that viewed barely legal porn.Paul says:At cocktail parties people always tell me I have the best job in the world. It’s not as great as they would think.Believe it or not, my wife is pretty cool with my research.My grandfather used to introduce me to people by saying, “This is my grandson. He’s getting his PhD in strip joints.”Some feminists tell me I’m validating porn by studying it. But what if I studied cancer? By studying cancer are we validating it?Porn deserves more credit for bringing VCRs into the mainstream and changing Internet usage from a hourly fee to a month-long pass. At porn conventions, I learned that breasts aren’t the only embellishments. Many actresses have enhanced labis.I’ve met Ron Jeremy numerous times. He’s a media-junkie and a pretty smart guy. While writing my dissertation, I watched so much porn that I couldn’t help picturing everyone naked.How many dirty movies have I seen? A thousand or so.Porn music developed like pop music. It was bluesy in the ’60s, major key in the ’70s, synthisized in the ’80s, and grungy in the ’90s. I find that hilarious.I’ve got unopened DVDs with titles like “Bikini Banger Vol. 4” that star my former grad student.I’ve found that women often view porn as socially acceptable and get a thrill from doing something “wrong.”
(02/08/07 5:47pm)
Lit up by a series of blacklights that reflect off walls splashed with neon Jackson Pollack-esque paint, a student dancer who calls herself Portia spins around on a pole at Night Moves in Bloomington.\nAs she strips, her panties accidentally come undone in front of one of her professors who's visiting the club. Suddenly, Portia's dual identity of student by day, stripper by night, is as exposed as her privates. \nShe's one of 10 students among the club's 35 dancers, working to earn enough money in tips to cover books and tuition. \nThough tips can be high, working as a dancer while being a full-time student still has its downsides, from both a social and an academic perspective.\nBalancing herself upside down while spreading her legs on a pole appears to be easier than balancing working late at night and getting up early for class.\n"It's hard to get up for your 8 a.m. after giving lap dances until 3:30 a.m.," said Portia, a junior. "By the time you get home, it's almost time for class." \nNight Moves waitress and former dancer Heather Emerson has also had her share of problems balancing both sides of her double identity. The semester when she was in a small discussion class of eight students, her professor came into the club, paid the entrance fee and left immediately after making eye contact with her. \n"It was awkward talking to him after that," said Emerson, who plans to graduate next spring.\nShe said several people she knows, including her school principal, math teacher and people she went to Sunday school with, have seen her perform. Her ex-boyfriend's dad came in as well but, instead of leaving upon recognizing his son's ex, paid her for three lap dances and asked her not to tell his son about it. \nAside from the occasional awkward encounter, a number of the dancers said they have a good relationship with regular customers and their bosses. One of Portia's best customers brings her cookies on days she has tests and gives her $200 at the beginning of the semester for book money. Her regulars treat her like family, and often order her favorite kind of pizza and have it waiting for her when she comes in to work. \nBut dancing for strangers can be dangerous, and dancers have to put up with threatening men inside and outside the club. Portia said she always carries mace with her in case someone follows her home. Inside the club, Emerson has to hide her emotions while dealing with rude customers, she said. Dancers are never completely nude, they are required to wear panties and cover their nipples at all times. \nEmerson said guys have told her they've slept with hotter women and that she has the smallest breasts they've ever seen, but she has to just grin and bear it. \n"At first you think it's a great job," Emerson said. "You just take your clothes off and make money, but eventually guys say things that get to you. I just smiled the whole time, but I really wanted to punch him in the face." \nStudent dancers\nEven among the dancers there is a great deal of fighting. Emerson left her job at Brad's Brass Flamingo in Indianapolis after another dancer punched her in the face during an argument. Portia has seen women strangle each other at Night Moves over wearing another dancer's outfit without asking and both she and Emerson said there is a ton of cat-fighting in the club. However, they try to stay out of it. \nNight Moves Co-owner Rodney Domer said there's a clear difference between the student dancers and the other women. \n"Students act more intelligently," he said. "They're here to make money, while some of the other others use it like a night out."\nDomer even helps students out by giving them the night off when schoolwork becomes stressful. He also said he lets them use the club's wireless Internet to do homework on the premises.\nIU graduate Nicki, a waitress at the club who wished not to be identified, said her gender studies major has helped her see stripping from a different perspective. From what she's learned, she said the feminist movement has varying opinions on whether it's degrading to women or empowering. \n"You know, student by day stripper by night," she said. "They come here and take guys' money making them think they're something they're not. Why not?"\nShe said she definitely notices a difference between student dancers and others.\n"The way they carry themselves and treat customers, they have different social skills than some the other girls and I think it helps them make more money," Nicki said.\nThree-figure tips\nMoney is the reason the women dance in the first place, and they make a lot of it. Emerson said she makes about $200 a night in tips as a waitress, while Portia brings in $700 to $1,000 on a good weekend night. Her earnings allowed her to pay for a new $16,000 car in cash after a year of working.\nMost men sitting in what the dancers refer to as "pervert row" -- the chairs around the stage -- tip a dollar or two, but dancers remember their biggest tips well. The day after Christmas, one guy was so happy to have 15 minutes with Emerson that he gave her a $200 dollar tip and said "Merry Christmas." The tips are often given for the dancing, but men will occasionally proposition sex for a much larger tip. One man put $1,000 dollars on the table and propositioned Portia, but she turned him down. \nThe money was what attracted Emerson to stripping, since she was trying to find a way to get out of her parents' house and get her own apartment. But her plan left her on her own quicker than she thought. Her parents found out the day after she started stripping and kicked her out, forcing her to pack a garbage bag full of clothes and find a new place to stay. \nShe said that ever since she started dancing, she hasn't done as well in school, and she said she imagined a different life for herself.\n"If I could do it again I probably would have found another way to get out of my mom's house," Emerson said. "I could have lived in the dorms, known different people and I would have graduated by now."\nPortia had friends who danced and decided to do it after breaking up with a boyfriend who was against it. When college ends, Portia plans to end her dancing career. For her, it's just a way to make money and a little secret that she'll keep from her future husband and family.\n"I will never tell my future husband," she said. "I don't think a respectful person will respect what I've done"
(02/01/07 5:00am)
One of my earliest memories is looking for fun on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Seeking guidance, I went up to the master of fun and said, "Daddy, what's the funnest thing in the whole wide world?" Without hesitation he said "sex," and walked away. \nWell, he was right, but if you were to ask me the funnest video game in the whole wide world, I wouldn't have to hesitate either. I would hand you a Wii-mote and say "Wii Sports." Let's bowl and then maybe some home-run derby and a boxing match. \nWii sports may not have the HD capabilities or game play of the other two big systems, but it brings out your inner child and makes you stand up and say wheee! When my friend executed a perfect stiff arm in Madden just by moving his arm to the side, our living room erupted in applause. When the most un-athletic kid you know gets his first turkey in Wii bowling and is beaming from ear-to-ear, you realize there's just something special about the true next-generation system.\nWhen you're boxing, the sensor bar reads your head and arm movements, but most controls come from the wireless Wii-mote. The TV remote-control-sized controller is kind of like how Garth described a new pair of underwear in Wayne's World: "At first, it's constrictive, but after awhile it becomes a part of you." Most games use just one Wii-mote, but boxing, "Zelda" and "Madden" require a nunchuck controller for a full range of motions. It's your baseball bat, tennis racket, golf club and becomes a part of you as it transforms into your arms for pitching, boxing and bowling. \nThe sports you're treated to are, in my order of favorites: bowling, boxing, tennis, baseball and golf. It's kind of a sampler platter of sports games that are largely ignored in the sports video game world. You get three innings of baseball, nine holes of golf spread across three courses, and unlimited boxing and tennis competitors.\nWii bowling is like crack. For a couple weeks I was so obsessed with getting a perfect 300 in bowling, my 3 a.m. bedtime was pushed back until closer to 5 as I kept saying, OK just one more game. (I've twice started with 10 strikes, but can't crack 289 as of publication.) \nThe regular games are fun, but the thing about the Wii that keeps me up late at night is the training mini-games and Wii fitness. Three for each game gives you 15 opportunities to earn medals for your records. Throughout my childhood I would head to the park with a couple friends and play home run derby on the kickball field. It was fun, but hitting 600 foot home runs that actually leave the park is as satisfying a feeling you can have with your clothes on. The bowling power throw mini-game is another stand out. You start with 10 pins and add a row until you're throwing at 91 pins that fall like dominoes with cherry bombs on them. \nFor Wii-fitness you're given three random mini-games to play and they calculate your age based on your scores on the games. I guess I'm over the hill at 22, because the Wii says the optimal fitness age is 20.\nMuch like sex, Wii Sports is much more fun when more than once person is involved. As the late, great Mitch Hedberg once put it, "Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people. With three or four people it can get crowded with everyone swinging their stick around, but Wii Sports is made for a orgiastic gaming experience. Boxing is fun against the computer, but raising your arms up and having your character taunt your friend's Wii lying on the ground is much more rewarding.\nYou can't get sex for $249, but you can get a Wii fully equipped with Wii Sports. On second thought, OK you probably can get sex for that much, but that sex will be a one-time thing and you can't get herpes from the Wii.
(02/01/07 5:00am)
Bloomington is a town divided. Even at Assembly Hall, as Hoosiers unite in a common goal of winning a basketball game, the war of words between the navy and orange and the blue and white gets ugly. With a fortnight between the Colts and Bears clinching their spots in the Superbowl and the playing out of the epic game, we're getting antsy for some action. We turned to Madden and a four-man PS3 battle for supremacy. Chris Freiberg and I "beared down" with sexy Rexy and the Bears while Chris Wisner and Michael Mellini tried to prove Peyton could win the big one.\nThe early advantage seemed to go to Mellini, who owned the system and game. I started the game by kicking the ball out of bounds, being unfamiliar with the kicking meter. Wisner took over for the Colts and had a quiet first quarter as he tried to learn the controls. He ended the quarter with a 55-yard touchdown pass to Brandon "I've been injured most of the year and am not playing in the Super Bowl" Stokley to go up 7-0. \nThomas Jones owned the second quarter. Under the leadership of Freiberg, Da Bears take over as Grossman scrambled for an improbable first down and threw a bomb to Mushin Muhammad to the 1. Jones rumbled in on the next play to tie the game. On the ensuing drive, Manning was embarrassed by a punishing Urlacher sack and deflection on consecutive plays. Da Bears got the ball back and made the Colts feel like it's the regular season as they ran all over them until Jones took it 40 yards up the gut to the house. \nThe Colts got the ball back at the two-minute warning and looked poised to complete a drive. It was then that Mellini, a super fan in disguise, revealed he's a Chicago fan and immediately throw a pick to Charles Tillman. Da Bears got down to first and goal, but the Colts held them at the one and forced a field goal to end the half 17-7.\nThomas Jones, controlled by me, gave Da Bears control of the game by turning the corner and taking off for a 61-yard romp to pay-dirt to put the Bears up 24-7. Feeling the heat, Wisner abandoned the run and tried to win the game in the air. Sadly, he doesn't know how to pass and got sacked on four consecutive plays, including going for it on an ill-advised fourth and forever on his own territory. \nI marched the Bears down the field and finished with a touchdown pass to Desmond Clark that Wisner still thinks wasn't a touchdown. \n"The replay showed lies," he lamented two days later, still stinging from the big score.\nDown 31-7, Wisner started getting worried angry Colts fans will get on him for screwing up the simulated Super Bowl. He quickly learned how to pass and threw two long touchdown passes to Stokley to cut the lead to 31-21. Feeling inspired from the comeback against the Patriots, the suddenly hopeful editor exclaimed, without a hint of Rob Schneider in "Waterboy," "We can do it!"\nUp 10 as the game rolled into the fourth quarter, Da Bears tried to milk the clock by running, but the Colts stepped up and force a fourth down deep in Bears territory. Each team had a drive stalled before the Colts made a final push. The greatest passer-receiver combination in history teamed up for a rare playoff score as Manning found Harrison for six with one minute left. Chris "the great strategist" Wisner decided to go for two to try to cut the lead to two, but missed and left his beloved Colts down four with less than a minute to play. The zen master then forgot to call an onside kick and wasted a timeout. The onside kick failed and everyone did the shuffle. \nFinal Stats: SCORE 31-27\nMVP: Thomas Jones 167 YDS. 3 TD.\nGuy who didn't ruin everything: Rex Grossman:170 YDS 1 TD 0 INT\nRushing Yards: Bears 190 Colts 22\nNumber of times Wisner got sacked \nin a row: 4
(02/01/07 3:58am)
Bloomington is a town divided. Even at Assembly Hall, as Hoosiers unite in a common goal of winning a basketball game, the war of words between the navy and orange and the blue and white gets ugly. With a fortnight between the Colts and Bears clinching their spots in the Superbowl and the playing out of the epic game, we're getting antsy for some action. We turned to Madden and a four-man PS3 battle for supremacy. Chris Freiberg and I "beared down" with sexy Rexy and the Bears while Chris Wisner and Michael Mellini tried to prove Peyton could win the big one.\nThe early advantage seemed to go to Mellini, who owned the system and game. I started the game by kicking the ball out of bounds, being unfamiliar with the kicking meter. Wisner took over for the Colts and had a quiet first quarter as he tried to learn the controls. He ended the quarter with a 55-yard touchdown pass to Brandon "I've been injured most of the year and am not playing in the Super Bowl" Stokley to go up 7-0. \nThomas Jones owned the second quarter. Under the leadership of Freiberg, Da Bears take over as Grossman scrambled for an improbable first down and threw a bomb to Mushin Muhammad to the 1. Jones rumbled in on the next play to tie the game. On the ensuing drive, Manning was embarrassed by a punishing Urlacher sack and deflection on consecutive plays. Da Bears got the ball back and made the Colts feel like it's the regular season as they ran all over them until Jones took it 40 yards up the gut to the house. \nThe Colts got the ball back at the two-minute warning and looked poised to complete a drive. It was then that Mellini, a super fan in disguise, revealed he's a Chicago fan and immediately throw a pick to Charles Tillman. Da Bears got down to first and goal, but the Colts held them at the one and forced a field goal to end the half 17-7.\nThomas Jones, controlled by me, gave Da Bears control of the game by turning the corner and taking off for a 61-yard romp to pay-dirt to put the Bears up 24-7. Feeling the heat, Wisner abandoned the run and tried to win the game in the air. Sadly, he doesn't know how to pass and got sacked on four consecutive plays, including going for it on an ill-advised fourth and forever on his own territory. \nI marched the Bears down the field and finished with a touchdown pass to Desmond Clark that Wisner still thinks wasn't a touchdown. \n"The replay showed lies," he lamented two days later, still stinging from the big score.\nDown 31-7, Wisner started getting worried angry Colts fans will get on him for screwing up the simulated Super Bowl. He quickly learned how to pass and threw two long touchdown passes to Stokley to cut the lead to 31-21. Feeling inspired from the comeback against the Patriots, the suddenly hopeful editor exclaimed, without a hint of Rob Schneider in "Waterboy," "We can do it!"\nUp 10 as the game rolled into the fourth quarter, Da Bears tried to milk the clock by running, but the Colts stepped up and force a fourth down deep in Bears territory. Each team had a drive stalled before the Colts made a final push. The greatest passer-receiver combination in history teamed up for a rare playoff score as Manning found Harrison for six with one minute left. Chris "the great strategist" Wisner decided to go for two to try to cut the lead to two, but missed and left his beloved Colts down four with less than a minute to play. The zen master then forgot to call an onside kick and wasted a timeout. The onside kick failed and everyone did the shuffle. \nFinal Stats: SCORE 31-27\nMVP: Thomas Jones 167 YDS. 3 TD.\nGuy who didn't ruin everything: Rex Grossman:170 YDS 1 TD 0 INT\nRushing Yards: Bears 190 Colts 22\nNumber of times Wisner got sacked \nin a row: 4
(02/01/07 3:49am)
One of my earliest memories is looking for fun on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Seeking guidance, I went up to the master of fun and said, "Daddy, what's the funnest thing in the whole wide world?" Without hesitation he said "sex," and walked away. \nWell, he was right, but if you were to ask me the funnest video game in the whole wide world, I wouldn't have to hesitate either. I would hand you a Wii-mote and say "Wii Sports." Let's bowl and then maybe some home-run derby and a boxing match. \nWii sports may not have the HD capabilities or game play of the other two big systems, but it brings out your inner child and makes you stand up and say wheee! When my friend executed a perfect stiff arm in Madden just by moving his arm to the side, our living room erupted in applause. When the most un-athletic kid you know gets his first turkey in Wii bowling and is beaming from ear-to-ear, you realize there's just something special about the true next-generation system.\nWhen you're boxing, the sensor bar reads your head and arm movements, but most controls come from the wireless Wii-mote. The TV remote-control-sized controller is kind of like how Garth described a new pair of underwear in Wayne's World: "At first, it's constrictive, but after awhile it becomes a part of you." Most games use just one Wii-mote, but boxing, "Zelda" and "Madden" require a nunchuck controller for a full range of motions. It's your baseball bat, tennis racket, golf club and becomes a part of you as it transforms into your arms for pitching, boxing and bowling. \nThe sports you're treated to are, in my order of favorites: bowling, boxing, tennis, baseball and golf. It's kind of a sampler platter of sports games that are largely ignored in the sports video game world. You get three innings of baseball, nine holes of golf spread across three courses, and unlimited boxing and tennis competitors.\nWii bowling is like crack. For a couple weeks I was so obsessed with getting a perfect 300 in bowling, my 3 a.m. bedtime was pushed back until closer to 5 as I kept saying, OK just one more game. (I've twice started with 10 strikes, but can't crack 289 as of publication.) \nThe regular games are fun, but the thing about the Wii that keeps me up late at night is the training mini-games and Wii fitness. Three for each game gives you 15 opportunities to earn medals for your records. Throughout my childhood I would head to the park with a couple friends and play home run derby on the kickball field. It was fun, but hitting 600 foot home runs that actually leave the park is as satisfying a feeling you can have with your clothes on. The bowling power throw mini-game is another stand out. You start with 10 pins and add a row until you're throwing at 91 pins that fall like dominoes with cherry bombs on them. \nFor Wii-fitness you're given three random mini-games to play and they calculate your age based on your scores on the games. I guess I'm over the hill at 22, because the Wii says the optimal fitness age is 20.\nMuch like sex, Wii Sports is much more fun when more than once person is involved. As the late, great Mitch Hedberg once put it, "Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people. With three or four people it can get crowded with everyone swinging their stick around, but Wii Sports is made for a orgiastic gaming experience. Boxing is fun against the computer, but raising your arms up and having your character taunt your friend's Wii lying on the ground is much more rewarding.\nYou can't get sex for $249, but you can get a Wii fully equipped with Wii Sports. On second thought, OK you probably can get sex for that much, but that sex will be a one-time thing and you can't get herpes from the Wii.
(01/26/07 5:00am)
As the kid behind me in the theater put it, the preview for this movie made it look "fuckin' bad ass." Looks can be deceiving. I expected a stylized action movie where top-flight actors run around trying to kill Jeremy Piven's latest incarnation since Ari Gold, Buddy Israel, with witty, quick dialogue and terrific action scenes. \nIt started just how I expected: about 20 minutes of introducing all the hit men vying for the million-dollar bounty on Isreal's head. A motley crue of independent contract killers trying to get to Israel before the FBI can get their lead witness for a reason that isn't really clear until the end, at which point the audience is left feeling a resounding, well, so what? The setup leads nowhere. The shootout is anti-climactic, most characters have loose ends that never get tied, and the plot twist means little to nothing. \nI wouldn't have minded a ridiculous plot as long as there were some garish, fun action sequences. I could have handled a preposterous twist at the end as long as there was some fresh, interesting dialogue and even one character worth caring about. No luck here.\nIt could have been a little better if director Joe Carnahan had focused on fleshing out a handful of characters from the great actors they had in their arsenal. Instead, every character is as paper-thin as the playing cards Israel incessantly tosses around the room. Piven isn't bad playing the strung out, has-been coke head, but he is never given enough screen time to establish a solid character.\nYou're left with a pointless performance by Ben Affleck, a laughably bad accent from Andy Garcia and wasted talent like Richie Aprile from "The Sopranos" and Matthew Fox from "Lost."\nIn a room filled with Andy Garcia, Ray Liotta, Ben Affleck and Jeremy Piven, who would turn to Ryan "Van Wilder" Reynolds and say, "You're my lead?" It's not even Reynolds' fault that the movie sucked so bad. None of the actors are particularly bad except for Garcia with his "what accent are you trying to pull off" tough guy FBI roll. \nThere are maybe two good lines in the whole movie. One guy groggily wakes up and says to a prostitute, "I just realized how messed up I was last night. You went from Beyonce to Bigfoot in six hours." Ari, I mean Israel, has a decent line about how there are no cleaning products in the world that can "get off" the ejaculate stain his friend put on his $12,000 jacket. I would have preferred to be the jacket than to sit through another minute of this movie. \nI wouldn't say it was the most trite, pathetic excuse for a film I've ever seen, but I don't know how to finish that sentence. When the lights went up, there were a couple of awkward clappers. Then, a number of people like me, offended by the clapping, responded with a loud round of boos. Someone yelled: "I want my money back." It was a free showing.
(01/26/07 5:00am)
The first five seasons of "24" were pretty formulaic: Meet the new terrorists, watch them successfully unleash a couple attacks and threaten massively bigger ones. See Jack find out, through awesomely graphic interrogations, which of the supposedly good guys are actually traitors and kill whoever stands in his way from stopping the BIG attack and save the world as the season ends.\nSPOILER ALERT\nIn the sixth season premiere four-hour-in-two-night launch, the order gets switched up and Jack fails. Just four hours into the new season Jack can't do enough to stop terrorists from launching a nuke on Los Angeles. Jack sheds his two- year vow of silence and facial hair before a daring escape that Dracula would have loved and goes rogue before you can say Kumar?!\nJack used to be invincible. Sure, his wife was raped and murdered in the first season, he failed to stop numerous attacks and most of his best men have been murdered, but he never let a massive attack go down. According to the Facebook group "Jack Bauer is one of the Baddest Mother Fuckers of all time," Jack could win a game of Connect Four in three moves. Now he's letting Kumar get the best of him.\nRumor has it Jack once needed lunch so he shot a fin out of a man's pocket without the guy even noticing. So why couldn't he shoot Curtis without killing him? Curtis was making that "you killed my father, prepare to die look" at Fayed and he definitely needed to be shot before he killed the best hope Jack had at finding terrorists, but what happened to his aim? It wasn't as sad as Tony or Edgar's deaths last season, but now we're only really left with Chloe, Buchanan and Jack and the new President Palmer as people I care about.\nIt was damn near impossible to look at the new terrorist, who I know as Kumar, now going as Ahmed played by Kal Penn, and not think about his days at White Castle with Harold or his "Van Wilder" days. I was praying that Jack would get to interrogate Kumar and get him to admit that he was just delivering a bomb component so he could marry a bag of weed and hold a White Castle chain hostage. Then Jack would hollow Kumar's body and smoke him like a bong.\nThere's a new president again and I just hope Jeb Bush wasn't getting any ideas when it was revealed that slain President David Palmer's brother Wayne is the current president. It's refreshing to have that Nixon-esque President Logan out of office, but his staff is pretty suspect. \nI'm submitting two nominees for potential terrorists posing as decent guys this season. I don't trust that weasel-looking guy Thomas Lennox, who wants to tear up the Constitution, and Chloe's new boyfriend Morris is shadier than Night Moves on a Tuesday afternoon. \nAll in all, I've loved the first four hours and like that they upped the ante, but I have to wonder where they can go from here. Jack is back, but is it really Jack, or did he trade places with Peyton Manning? That has to be it. Jack Bauer beat the Patriots and Peyton's letting L.A. get blown up.
(01/26/07 1:36am)
The first five seasons of "24" were pretty formulaic: Meet the new terrorists, watch them successfully unleash a couple attacks and threaten massively bigger ones. See Jack find out, through awesomely graphic interrogations, which of the supposedly good guys are actually traitors and kill whoever stands in his way from stopping the BIG attack and save the world as the season ends.\nSPOILER ALERT\nIn the sixth season premiere four-hour-in-two-night launch, the order gets switched up and Jack fails. Just four hours into the new season Jack can't do enough to stop terrorists from launching a nuke on Los Angeles. Jack sheds his two- year vow of silence and facial hair before a daring escape that Dracula would have loved and goes rogue before you can say Kumar?!\nJack used to be invincible. Sure, his wife was raped and murdered in the first season, he failed to stop numerous attacks and most of his best men have been murdered, but he never let a massive attack go down. According to the Facebook group "Jack Bauer is one of the Baddest Mother Fuckers of all time," Jack could win a game of Connect Four in three moves. Now he's letting Kumar get the best of him.\nRumor has it Jack once needed lunch so he shot a fin out of a man's pocket without the guy even noticing. So why couldn't he shoot Curtis without killing him? Curtis was making that "you killed my father, prepare to die look" at Fayed and he definitely needed to be shot before he killed the best hope Jack had at finding terrorists, but what happened to his aim? It wasn't as sad as Tony or Edgar's deaths last season, but now we're only really left with Chloe, Buchanan and Jack and the new President Palmer as people I care about.\nIt was damn near impossible to look at the new terrorist, who I know as Kumar, now going as Ahmed played by Kal Penn, and not think about his days at White Castle with Harold or his "Van Wilder" days. I was praying that Jack would get to interrogate Kumar and get him to admit that he was just delivering a bomb component so he could marry a bag of weed and hold a White Castle chain hostage. Then Jack would hollow Kumar's body and smoke him like a bong.\nThere's a new president again and I just hope Jeb Bush wasn't getting any ideas when it was revealed that slain President David Palmer's brother Wayne is the current president. It's refreshing to have that Nixon-esque President Logan out of office, but his staff is pretty suspect. \nI'm submitting two nominees for potential terrorists posing as decent guys this season. I don't trust that weasel-looking guy Thomas Lennox, who wants to tear up the Constitution, and Chloe's new boyfriend Morris is shadier than Night Moves on a Tuesday afternoon. \nAll in all, I've loved the first four hours and like that they upped the ante, but I have to wonder where they can go from here. Jack is back, but is it really Jack, or did he trade places with Peyton Manning? That has to be it. Jack Bauer beat the Patriots and Peyton's letting L.A. get blown up.
(01/26/07 1:13am)
As the kid behind me in the theater put it, the preview for this movie made it look "fuckin' bad ass." Looks can be deceiving. I expected a stylized action movie where top-flight actors run around trying to kill Jeremy Piven's latest incarnation since Ari Gold, Buddy Israel, with witty, quick dialogue and terrific action scenes. \nIt started just how I expected: about 20 minutes of introducing all the hit men vying for the million-dollar bounty on Isreal's head. A motley crue of independent contract killers trying to get to Israel before the FBI can get their lead witness for a reason that isn't really clear until the end, at which point the audience is left feeling a resounding, well, so what? The setup leads nowhere. The shootout is anti-climactic, most characters have loose ends that never get tied, and the plot twist means little to nothing. \nI wouldn't have minded a ridiculous plot as long as there were some garish, fun action sequences. I could have handled a preposterous twist at the end as long as there was some fresh, interesting dialogue and even one character worth caring about. No luck here.\nIt could have been a little better if director Joe Carnahan had focused on fleshing out a handful of characters from the great actors they had in their arsenal. Instead, every character is as paper-thin as the playing cards Israel incessantly tosses around the room. Piven isn't bad playing the strung out, has-been coke head, but he is never given enough screen time to establish a solid character.\nYou're left with a pointless performance by Ben Affleck, a laughably bad accent from Andy Garcia and wasted talent like Richie Aprile from "The Sopranos" and Matthew Fox from "Lost."\nIn a room filled with Andy Garcia, Ray Liotta, Ben Affleck and Jeremy Piven, who would turn to Ryan "Van Wilder" Reynolds and say, "You're my lead?" It's not even Reynolds' fault that the movie sucked so bad. None of the actors are particularly bad except for Garcia with his "what accent are you trying to pull off" tough guy FBI roll. \nThere are maybe two good lines in the whole movie. One guy groggily wakes up and says to a prostitute, "I just realized how messed up I was last night. You went from Beyonce to Bigfoot in six hours." Ari, I mean Israel, has a decent line about how there are no cleaning products in the world that can "get off" the ejaculate stain his friend put on his $12,000 jacket. I would have preferred to be the jacket than to sit through another minute of this movie. \nI wouldn't say it was the most trite, pathetic excuse for a film I've ever seen, but I don't know how to finish that sentence. When the lights went up, there were a couple of awkward clappers. Then, a number of people like me, offended by the clapping, responded with a loud round of boos. Someone yelled: "I want my money back." It was a free showing.