46 items found for your search. If no results were found please broaden your search.
(09/27/07 6:37pm)
QUESTION: I am an 18 year old male who is somewhat confused about his sexuality. Growing up I always liked girls, I always had crushes on them and I always found them sexually attractive. About three years ago though, I started exploring the thought of sexual activity with the same sex. When I masturbate, I can masturbate to thoughts of either sex with no problem. However, lately I have had problems having sex with my girlfriend, not being able to maintain my erection. During foreplay and such my penis usually goes off and on from being hard to limp. I am not sure if I am gay or bi or what? Can you help?\nANSWER: It is common for many men and women to think or wonder about their sexual orientation, particularly given the many ways that human beings experience their sexuality (through dreams, waking fantasies, sexual behavior with others, masturbatory fantasies, romantic attraction for others, sexual attraction for others, etc). There are also no clear or consistent ways that people define their sexual orientation. Many gay or lesbian identified people have previously (or even currently) had sexual experiences with members of the other sex, or may have dreams about people of the other sex. Similarly, many straight-identified men and women have had (or are currently having) sexual experiences with same-sex partners, or may have dreams or fantasies about being sexual with same-sex partners. \nGiven the variety of ways that people explore, express and experience their sexuality, it is perhaps not surprising that human beings – in their endless quest to
(09/27/07 6:28pm)
QUESTION: My girlfriend and I have been together monogamously for a long time, and have gotten more experimental with our sex lives. We recently tried analingus for the first time, with me being the “giver” and her the “receiver” of this practice. We took a shower together beforehand, and tried to make her anus and the surrounding skin as clean as possible, in order to protect as best from germs. We cleaned up afterwards, with me washing my mouth before moving on to any other sexual acts. It was very fun, and we both enjoyed it very much. My question is this – how safe is analingus when performed in this manner, and what are some risks still associated with the act? Do we have anything to worry about? We have done it a lot since then, and I have never gotten ill or anything.\nANSWER: Many couples of various ages, religions and sexual orientations enjoy exploring their sexuality together. This may be particularly true for two people who have been together for a long time, are monogamous (and therefore fairly confident that they are not putting each other at risk for unknown infections by having sex with others), and feel comfortable with each other. Comfort and trust are often critical factors since sexual exploration can pose potential emotional and physical risks as well as benefits.\nThere are many ways to explore anal sex play. Some people use their fingers to touch the outside of the anal openings; others insert their fingers. Similarly, some people enjoy oral-anal contact (often called “rimming” or “analingus”) either by licking the opening of the anus or inserting one’s tongue. Anal intercourse, which some people may more commonly think of “anal sex”, typically refers to inserting a penis or sex toy into a partner’s anus. \nLike other sex acts, some (but not all) people enjoy anal sex play. It is important for couples to talk to each other about what feels good, comfortable and what you do want to do (or stop doing).\nIt sounds like you two are already communicating about your exploration and that you are taking some good measures to reduce your risk of infection. After all, although the anus is a pleasurable part of the body for many individuals, the fact that it excretes feces means that it carries the risk of a variety of infectious agents (e.g., bacteria, viruses, parasites). \nTo reduce your risk of infection, consider using a latex dam or a condom cut in half and placing this in between your mouth and your partner’s anal opening during analingus. By adding personal lubricant on her side of the latex dam or condom, analingus may feel slippery and pleasurable to her while being safer for you both.\nSexually transmissible infections such as herpes and HIV may be transmitted through analingus. The risk of transmitting HIV through analingus is likely low, but still possible, particularly if you have cuts or sores in your mouth or she has cuts or sores around her anal opening. You both should consider being tested for STI and HIV/AIDS if you have not already done so.\nAnalingus may also pose a risk for hepatitis so you both may want to ask your health care provider for information about vaccines for hepatitis A and B. Many people get these vaccines, particularly when traveling abroad, so asking about the hepatitis A and B vaccines will not necessarily clue your health care provider into your sexual activities. \nThat said, we would still encourage you to talk to your health care provider about your sexual activities, and ask any questions of interest, so that he or she can advise you on reducing your or your partner’s risk of infections, or help diagnose you just in case you (as the “giver” of analingus) contract bacteria or a virus from your partner’s fecal matter and develop symptoms. \nTo learn more, consider reading Anal Pleasure & Health by Dr. Jack Morin or check out www.cdc.gov for information about infections. If at any time you feel sick (e.g., nausea, diarrhea, or other symptoms that worry you), please check in with your health care provider. Like other types of sex, anal sex play can absolutely be a fun, pleasurable and healthy activity and we applaud you both for seeking out information that will help you maximize your pleasure and minimize your risk.
(09/27/07 4:55pm)
QUESTION: I have very small breasts (34A) and would like to have at least a 34B. I was wondering if there is any way other then surgery to increase my breast size that works?\nANSWER: While growing up, young women and men commonly wonder what their bodies will look like when pubertal growth ends and they grow into their adult bodies. During this time, and afterwards, many women and men struggle with different parts of their bodies and sometimes they wonder about ways to change parts of themselves either through medical procedures, pills, or lifestyle changes (e.g., exercise, eating, etc).\nOther than breast augmentation surgery (e.g., getting breast implants), we know of no scientifically backed safe or effective way to increase breast size. Although there are a large number of pills and creams that are sold on television, on the internet or through countless emails and that are said to increase breast size, these have not been well-researched and thus we have no scientific reason to believe that they actually work. \nBecause such pills and creams have not been scientifically tested, this also means that their safety is unknown. If you are considering taking pills or creams that are being marketed for breast enlargement, please talk with your healthcare provider to learn how such pills or creams might affect your own health.\nI am not sure how old you are, but occasionally some women find that their breast size increases slightly during their late teens or early twenties. In addition, some women notice that their breast size increases slightly when they take hormonal contraception such as birth control pills (however, this does not happen to everyone and there is no one brand that is known to have this effect any more than others).\nBecause breasts are composed of much fatty tissue, weight gain can also increase breast size. That said, women’s bodies vary due to genetics; therefore some women who gain weight may notice an increase in breast size whereas others notice an increase in the size of their hips, buttocks, abdomen or upper arms (all common areas for fat to be deposited in women’s bodies whereas men more commonly store fat in their abdominal area).\nIt may be worth spending time thinking about how you feel about your body and what you think would be different in your life if you had larger breasts. Women with larger breasts (such as a C or D cup) may actually have less sensitive breasts than women with smaller breasts (A or B cup). Aside from that little bit of science, it is unclear what advantages or disadvantages come along with larger breasts. What do you, personally, think would be different if you were able to increase your breast size? Would you feel more confident, sexy, or feminine? If so, can you think of ways to have these same feelings without increasing your breast size? (By the way, in a “the grass is always greener” mentality, many women with larger breasts imagine feeling more confident, sexy or feminine if they had smaller breasts).\nIt is also worth mentioning that women rarely have symmetrical breasts. Typically, one breast is larger than the other breast. Sometimes there may even be a cup size difference (e.g., one breast being an A cup, the other breast being a B cup size). Like the ears, eyes, corners of our smile and our feet, breast symmetry is rare. Many women notice these differences and have a range of reaction to their breast shape, size, perkiness or sagginess, and the various lumps and bumps felt inside the breast. You might even find it interesting, comforting or just plain fun to talk with your girlfriends, sisters or aunts (if you have them) or mother and see what others have to say about their breasts. In all likelihood, you may find that many women have similar questions or curiosities about their breasts and it may feel helpful, or reassuring, to talk with other women.\nAlso, consider reading “The Good Body” by author and playwright Eve Ensler. This book deals with issues related to how women – and others within our cultures – view women’s bodies (our own bodies and other women’s bodies). If you do consider surgery at some point, the American Society for Plastic Surgeons (www.plasticsurgery.org) is a good resource that will help you to learn more about approved procedures.
(09/27/07 4:53pm)
QUESTION: I have a problem with my penis going from about 1.5 inches to 3.5 inches when flaccid. The common line, “Is this normal?” I understand that sizes vary, but why does it shrink and grow like it does? I’m 18 years old and average height and weight. Please let me know what you think. Thanks.\nANSWER: Yes, it is common for men to notice different sizes of their flaccid (soft). However, rather than thinking of one’s penis as either flaccid (soft) or erect (hard), it is probably more accurate to think of penile hardness (or softness) as lying on a continuum, which some researchers conceptualize as degrees or erectile “density” or “rigidity”. For example, you may have had erections that you thought were quite hard. Alternatively, you may have had erections that seemed only somewhat hard and that perhaps required more stimulation (either physically or through fantasy) in order to ejaculate or experience orgasm.\nLet’s look at the science behind erections and then consider how this relates to your experience. Penises become more erect or rigid when more blood flows into the penis than the amount that flows out. As blood flow builds inside the chambers of the penis, pressure also builds, and this pressure is what is often translates into a penis being described as “hard”. \nThe process by which the body allows more blood to flow into the penis than out is complex. A man may experience physical stimulation or mental stimulation (as through feelings of sexual arousal, excitement or fantasy). This stimulation can activate various nerves in the body and the release of certain neurotransmitters. These physical changes are responsible for the relaxation of smooth muscle in the penis (this smooth muscle is under “involuntary” control, meaning you can’t make yourself relax or contract these muscles). The relaxation of this smooth muscle allows for more blood to fill the penis - and quite quickly. \nMen can voluntarily contract other muscles that are at the base of their penis (the muscles that make a penis appear to “bounce” or “dance”, as some call it). By contracting these muscles, men may be able to make their erections even more rigid (or “hard”) as the contraction may compress the base of certain blood-filled chambers in the penis and thus increase pressure or rigidity.\nVariations in blood flow or muscular contraction (or relaxation) can therefore affect the size of a penis. Different degrees of stimulation may allow different amounts of blood to flow into the penis, and we’re not just referring to sexual stimulation. Sometimes men find that non-sexual physical stimulation (such as the friction of one’s penis against the bed while sleeping, or against loose-fitting clothes like boxers) might be enough to cause a slight increase in penile size. Men also often describe changes in their flaccid penis size based on outside temperatures (usually, that their flaccid penis seems smaller in water that is cooler than their body temperature, such as after a shower or a swim). Then again, they may find it easier to become erect in warmer water, such as in a hot tub.\nDifferent levels of relaxation or anxiety can also cause your muscles to relax or contract, so it may even be that your level of stress about school, family, friends, the weather or sports could affect your penis.\nThe bottom line is that these changes that you have noticed are indeed very common and typical of men of all ages. Not only that, but the size of a man’s flaccid penis is not a good predictor of a man’s erect penis size. In other words, small flaccid penises can grow into an erect penis that is below average, average or above average in terms of length or circumference and the same is true for larger flaccid penis sizes.\nIt is also worth mentioning that penis size – either flaccid or erect – is not necessarily associated with a man’s sexual skill or abilities as a lover. It may be worth considering why the fact that you’ve noticed different flaccid sizes feels like a problem to you, when it is unlikely to affect your sexual abilities or physical health. \nTo learn more about men’s sexuality, flaccid and erect penis and orgasm, consider reading The Science of Orgasm or The New Male Sexuality. Another book that is written for mainstream audiences and explores men’s relationship to the penis is A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis.
(09/27/07 4:43pm)
QUESTION: My new girlfriend tells me that she started exploring her genitalia at quite a young age and that she stimulated her clitoris frequently between the ages of 12 to 18. She now (at age 21) thinks that her clitoris is not giving her the normal sensations when it is stimulated (i.e., she wonders if it has possibly been de-sensitized by the earlier activity). She has not yet managed to have an orgasm through masturbation, either alone or with a partner, and she has never had penetrative sex. She says that phone sex or erotic emails gets her very aroused but that she finds it hard to become aroused when being intimate in the bedroom. Can you advise on how likely it is that her clitoris has been physically damaged? Obviously as her boyfriend and someone who cares deeply about her, I would like her to experience orgasm with me and will do anything possible to facilitate this. What can we do?\nANSWER: Based on reports from parents, teachers and other caregivers, research suggests that most young children (boys and girls) touch their own genitals as part of typical child development and exploration. In one study, in which scientists asked college students to recall their experiences during childhood, approximately 40% of women and men remembered stimulating their own genitals – not just out of curiosity, but for the sake of pleasure – prior to puberty. Many teenagers stimulate their own genitals, as your girlfriend recalls doing during the ages of 12 to 18. Typical self-masturbation at any age is extremely unlikely to cause any lasting damage to the genitals. In fact, masturbation experience often helps men and women learn more about what feels good, comfortable, and pleasurable for their body.\nMost men and women first experience orgasm during masturbation alone, perhaps because it is both an extremely common activity and because there is no pressure to please a partner. That said, many women do not experience orgasm until they are in their twenties, thirties or are older. There are many reasons why women often difficult to feel aroused or to experience orgasm when being intimate with a partner. Some of these reasons have to do with pressure that women place on themselves to have an orgasm, pressure they may feel from a partner, impatience (it can take a long time – sometimes 30 minutes or an hour or more – for women to orgasm), difficulty relaxing or body image. Often women find it difficult to feel aroused or to orgasm because they have received inaccurate or incomplete information about sexuality and are consequently trying things that are not that effective (e.g., only masturbating for a few minutes, or are trying to orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse which is possible but less likely than more direct clitoral stimulation).\nIf your girlfriend has difficulty feeling aroused with you, try slowing things down and making sure that you are both comfortable with your sexual choices. Talk with each other about what feels good and what doesn’t, how she feels during sexual activity with you (e.g., relaxed, pressured, anxious, excited, etc), and try to listen without judging or jumping to conclusions. Your relationship, as you mentioned, is new and it can take time to get to know each other, bond and feel comfortable in order for many women (and men) to feel aroused and ready for sexual sharing. While it is sweet of you to want her to enjoy sexual activity with you, try not to make orgasm so much of a goal that it ends up being a source of pressure for your girlfriend. Orgasm, after all, is only one aspect of sexuality. Far more of a couple’s time is typically spent in day to day bonding as well as sexual play and enjoyment, rather than sexual orgasm (which only lasts a matter of seconds).\nIt is possible that your girlfriend has noticed a change in clitoral stimulation; however that does not mean that her clitoris is damaged or has been desensitized by years of “use”. Sometimes body sensations simply feel different at different times of life. While your girlfriend, at age 21, is by no means “old”, her body is different than it likely was at age 12 or 13 given the hormonal changes that occur around the time of puberty, and then change again as young women and men leave puberty behind. Sensation may be affected by many things including age, hormones, relaxation and medication use (such as birth control pills and antidepressants) and mood. If she is uncertain or has questions about her health or body sensations, she should check in with her healthcare provider. \nHowever, assuming she is in good health, she may be able to better focus on sexual pleasure by exploring her body and what its sensations are like now (regardless of what they used to be like), and how they will continue to change not only over time and with age, but also depending on the type of stimulation that is used. It may be helpful to remove orgasm as the goal for now and to instead focus on sexual pleasure, intimacy, bonding and enjoyment of each other. If this is something your girlfriend wants to learn more about, the book Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Book for Women may be useful.
(09/27/07 4:39pm)
Question: I have a problem that has been bothering me for a very long time and I am a bit shy about going to a gynecologist. I am a twenty two year old virgin, who cannot have sex even when I tried to a couple of times. I know it is unbelievable but it is true. The last time I tried to have sex I bled a lot, the poor guy couldn’t penetrate me. Then we decided to try again the next morning and the same thing happened, I still bled a lot and he still couldn’t penetrate me. I am beginning to thing something is not right. Can you give me any advice, anything at all would be welcome.\nAnswer: While you may feel like you are the only woman in the world to experience difficulty with penetration, let me reassure you that this is far from true: as such, it is not at all “unbelievable” that you would have this experience. In fact, we hear from women of all ages who have experienced similar difficulty with penetration. Sometimes women find that it is only penile-vaginal penetration that feels painful, difficult or impossible. Other times, women will say that they can’t comfortably bear other forms of penetration such as a gyn exam or the insertion of a tampon.\nJust as there are many experiences of difficulties with penetration, there are also many causes. Sometimes the hymen (a thin layer of tissue that partially covers the vaginal entrance in girls, and is present from before birth) is too thick or covers too much of the vaginal entrance to make sex feel comfortable or even possible. Other times women have a vulvovaginal pain condition that causes the difficulty with penetration. Still, other women experience painful or difficult penetration that seems to be more related to past sexual abuse or being raised to feel that sexual expression is wrong, dirty or shameful – and as a result, they may feel very anxious about penetration and the muscles around the vagina may tighten or spasm when penetration is attempted. Depending on the nature of a woman’s experience, she may be diagnosed with vulvodynia (which refers to vulvovaginal pain) or vaginismus (a term more often used to describe uncontrolled spasms of the muscles around the vagina).\nAlthough you may be feeling shy, we would encourage you to visit a gynecologist. Perhaps if you talk to your friends and find out who they see for medical care, you may be able to connect with a gynecologist with whom you feel comfortable enough for an exam. Although you said that you are a “virgin”, people often mean many different things with that term and, because of your age, even if you have not been sexually active in other ways with a partner, it would still be recommended that you make an appointment with a gynecologist for a general check-up of your reproductive health. Many women who have experienced genital pain (whether during sex or not) will tell their gynecologist about this, as it can indicate to a doctor that he or she should perhaps be extra gentle during the exam, or even use smaller instruments during your examination (you can request this). Don’t be afraid to point out to your healthcare provider where exactly it hurts and to describe how it hurts (e.g., burning, stabbing, sharp pain, dull pain). As healthcare providers cannot see your pain, your descriptions may help in their diagnosis.\nFinally, keep in mind that you have ultimate control over when, how and under what circumstances you do or do not have sex. There is no rush to have sex – many college students are sexually active, but many are not. Similarly, many college students may have had sex in the past but are currently choosing not to be sexual, or to be sexual in ways that don’t involve intercourse but that do involve kissing or sensual touching. Although many experiences of genital pain are caused by medical conditions or physical problems, they can certainly take their toll on how people feel about themselves or their sexuality, and the pain can be stressful for a relationship. If you would like support or guidance as you deal with this issue, consider meeting with a counselor on campus or in your community, or connect with a certified sex therapist (aasect.org). Also check out The V Book: A Doctor’s Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health by Dr. Elizabeth Stewart for more information.
(09/27/07 4:35pm)
Question: Hi, my partner and I have not been able to have vaginal intercourse. We were both virgins before getting together, but this is ridiculous! At first, he couldn’t get an erection. Now he can get one, but when he tries to enter me, it goes away. Perhaps it is how I grasp him to guide him in. But, it goes away. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I am afraid of how others may judge us. So, I am turning to you. At times, this not-so-little problem has taken an awful toll on both of our self-esteem and I am afraid that it will take a toll on our relationship. We love each other and are very physically attracted to each other and couldn’t really stand to be apart. We both believe that physical intimacy is part of a deeper bond that we should share. But we haven’t been successful in this respect. I just need to know where we can go or what we can do to get some real help. I don’t understand why it is so easy for others and difficult for us.\nAnswer: Thanks for your question and for trusting us with your story. Although it may seem like everyone is having sex and lots of it (and good, easy, uncomplicated sex) – that’s not the story that sexual health professionals often hear. Most couples deal with sexual problems at some time or another in their lives and sometimes these problems involve feeling physically unable to do something sexual that you both want to do. The good news is that couples are often able to learn information and new skills (sexual skills as well as communication skills) that can help to enhance and improve their sexual and romantic lives. \nBut enough about “other” couples – let’s talk about you two! First, it is always a good idea for a man to check in with his healthcare provider if he is having regular problems with erections, as sometimes frequent difficulty getting or maintaining an erection is a sign of a health condition such as heart problems or diabetes. In most cases, though, when young, healthy men have erectile problems, it is more often due to performance anxiety or stress. Considering that you two are both new to sex and probably wanting very much to please each other, and considering that he had some initial problems getting an erection (and may feel nervous about it now), it is not that surprising that these issues might persist.\nFortunately, information about sex and a good deal of patience and gentle communication with each other can go a long way. If you are able to, consider meeting with a sex therapist for support and guidance (find one locally through aasect.org). This issue is more common that you might guess and sex therapists are trained to help couples address such concerns.\nSome books that may be helpful include The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions (which discusses erections, performance anxiety, and strategies for dealing with erectile issues) and For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy (which focuses on how couples can communicate effectively about sexuality, explore sexuality in ways that take the pressure off of each other and foster sexual exploration and connection).\nMany couples – even those who have had many sexual experiences or several partners – lack experience or comfort discussing sexual matters (even with their own partner!). And no wonder – we live in a society where very few of us grew up with comfortable or accurate sex education at school or in our homes. By the time many people become sexually active or sexually interested, they have often not had the opportunities or the time to develop sexual communication skills. By identifying the fact that you two want to address this issue, you are on your way to dealing effectively with what can sometimes feel like a confusing subject. Fortunately it sounds as though you both care very deeply for each other and want to work on fostering intimacy.
(09/27/07 4:13pm)
Question: I am a 20 year old white male and have had a very unfulfilling sex life. I have wondered if it is due to my size or due to my choice in partners. I have never considered myself well endowed as I am only about 9 3/4” when erect and a good handful in girth. My previous partners have either not allowed me to penetrate all the way or as soon as they reached orgasm from intercourse they would have me stop. If this is a “size is too much” issue is there things that can remedy the size or is this a partner issue of them not being able to handle it. I am seeking help because I am back in school and looking for a wonderful relationship but I don’t want to take what is wonderful and end up disappointed anymore because of not being able to have myself satisfied or not being able to do anything more then missionary position. Are there ways to work with the size issue to make it better for both partners, or is there some way to be reduced in size so I can have a more exciting an exploratory sex life?\nAnswer: Judging by the large number of advertisements for penis enlargement products such as pills, herbs and weights (that aren’t considered safe and effective by medical organizations, but that doesn’t seem to stop the advertising claims), it seems that many men are interested in having longer or thicker erect penises. What is less often openly discussed is that men who have considerably larger than average erect penises often find it difficult to have comfortable sex lives with partners. It’s not that it is impossible to find a sex partner or to have comfortable, fun, exciting sex; rather, our culture is so focused on the “bigger is better” message that very little information is publicly available for men who are dealing with the challenges of having a generally large penis. \nMen with very large penises (flaccid or erect) have described challenges including locker room teasing, finding a large bathing suit to comfortably “contain” their genitals, and feeling embarrassed while peeing next to other men at public urinals. Because you are writing about sexual challenges, let’s address those.\nSince you are interested in sex with women, it may be helpful to understand more about women’s bodies. The vagina, in an unaroused state, is only about 3 or 4 inches long. When a woman becomes sexually aroused, her uterus tips upward which creates more space in the vagina, making it about 6 or so inches long. Rarely will you find a woman who can comfortably accept nearly ten inches of an erect penis inside her vagina, which is perhaps why you have found that your partners have tended not to allow you to penetrate their vaginas all of the way. It is not necessarily that they do not like you or feel attracted to you, but they may not be able to physically take all of your length – or, if they can, it may not be comfortable. That doesn’t mean you can’t made adjustments that will enhance your sex life. \nThough there are no safe and effective procedures available to reduce your penile size, you can choose positions that are more shallow (for example, with her legs closer together rather than spread apart) or that offer your partner more control over how much she takes in and at what pace (such as woman on top). You can also use a sex toy such as a masturbation sleeve that has two openings (the Super Stretch by pureromance.com is one option) and a good deal of water-based lubricant, and slide it down the shaft of your penis and then have your partner sit on top of your penis for sex. This will provide more stimulation along the shaft of your penis and yet leave fewer inches for your partner to take into her vagina. If your girth (circumference) also feels a bit thick, using a good amount of personal lubricant (water or silicone based lube, if you are using latex condoms) can help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable for you both.\nMost individuals and couples face unique sexual challenges at some point either due to genital size (smaller or bigger than they’d like), how they fit with a partner, erections, ejaculation (coming more quickly or later than they’d like), lubrication, arousal, sex drive, medical conditions, relationship issues, self-esteem, personal histories of abuse or any other number of issues that can affect a person or a couple’s sexual life. This may be your particular challenge. Again, it does not mean that you can’t have fulfilling and explorative sex, but it may mean that you need to focus on communication, exploration and talking with a partner about what you can comfortably and pleasurably do with each other (something most couples should be doing anyway).\nTo connect with other men dealing with similar issues, check out the Large Penis Support Group (lpsg.org) and to learn more about sexual communication and exploration, check out The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On.
(09/27/07 4:10pm)
QUESTION: Recently I’ve started seeing someone and I like this girl A LOT. The other night “that moment” hit for the two of us and we thought it was time to share our first love making experience with one another. Now, to put it simply, I was ready to go, and she was really ready to go, but when we got our clothes off and the true moment came of intercourse, I tensed up and let’s just say I was closed for business. Now, because I like this girl we continued kissing and with foreplay, and I just told her that I wanted to wait until we really knew each other. I’ve never had this happen, but I felt so nervous about “being good” with her that it was almost as if I psyched myself out? Basically, is there a quick fix for this or am I just being an idiot? \nANSWER: First, you are definitely not being an idiot. Getting to know someone you like a lot can be a lot of fun. And then when you get to kiss and touch them? Wow! It can feel pleasurable, exciting – and even a little scary or nerve-wracking. Which is perhaps why it’s not surprising that many couples experience sexual problems when they are first becoming sexual with each other including problems related to getting or maintaining erections, the timing of ejaculation, orgasm, lubrication or being able to express feelings or communicate about what each partner likes or dislikes, or is feeling ready for.\nTypically, performance anxiety is a major contributing cause of erection problems for most young, generally healthy men (and most men have problems getting or maintaining erections from time to time). Liking someone so much that you want to “be good” (as you said) absolutely falls under the category of performance anxiety and it is an extremely common experience. This is particularly common for men because many men have been raised with the misperception that they are supposed to know everything about sex, “give” a woman an orgasm (no one can “give” an orgasm to a woman; she has to participate in the experience) and otherwise have all the right moves and be ready to go at the first sign of a willing or excited partner.\nAny type of stress or anxiety – including performance anxiety which is about wanting to be a good lover or please one’s partner – can make it more difficult to get or maintain an erection. Other things such as alcohol, lack of sleep, and certain medications (including Adderall and other drugs which some students take to stay awake at night to study or party) can also cause erection problems.\nMoving on to try other sexual activities that aren’t so focused on erections (such as kissing and touching) is a great way to take the pressure off of your performance and re-focus the situation on giving each other pleasure. Good for you for going with the flow. \nIn all likelihood, if you are able to relax, feel comfortable with your new partner, and take things at a pace that feels right to both of you, it is unlikely that this problem will persist. Consider what might make you feel more comfortable together – have you talked about each other’s histories of testing for sexually transmissible infections (STI)? Have you discussed birth control (assuming you’re not planning to become pregnant together)? Have you shared your expectations with each other as to whether you are dating, friends with benefits, or in a relationship? Having these kinds of talks might add to both of your levels of comfort so that your bodies (and minds) can relax and allow you to pleasure each other in ways that feel right.\nIn addition, relaxation, visualization and “self-talk” (psyching yourself up) strategies can be helpful ways to de-stress yourself. These tips – and other helpful pieces of information about men, women and sex - are described in great detail in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld (make sure to check out the newest version). It is a classic book and is regularly suggested by sex educators for men who are dealing with this issue (and other sexual and relationship issues). Although the erection problems are unlikely to continue, if it makes you feel better, or if it does continue over a long time, consider checking in with your healthcare provider as occasionally erection problems can signal other health conditions such as diabetes. Sex therapists also routinely counsel men about these issues - you can find a sex counselor or therapist near you by going to aasect.org.
(09/27/07 4:06pm)
Question: I have had anxiety problems for about the last year or longer. My psychiatrist prescribed Lexapro in May for me and it has been helpful. In the last year, however, I have also experienced Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). My symptoms have been pretty bad and painful. In late summer, my physician prescribed Elavil for me to help with the pain. I usually masturbate about once a day. In the last month or so, I have stopped masturbating because I am not able to reach an orgasm. Is this because of the medicine I’m on? (I’m a woman if it matters).\nAnswer: Sexual function (orgasm, arousal, pain, satisfaction) is incredibly complex for both women and men. Diet, exercise, sleep, stress, mood, anxiety, comfort, relaxation and one’s mental thought process can all play a role in how you experience sexuality as can psychological and medical conditions as well as the various treatments for those conditions.\nIt is certainly possible that your recent difficult experiencing orgasm is a sexual side effect from either medication that you are taking (or the combination of medications that you are taking) as the manufacturers of both Elavil and Lexapro list problems related to orgasm and sexual desire among their potential side effects. Then again, the difficulty in orgasm may be influenced by anxiety, stress (for example, with school starting back up again) or other lifestyle issues. \nMany women and men experience sexual side effects from medications and healthcare providers are typically used to hearing such complaints from their patients. However, they may not think to ask if you are experiencing sexual side effects so if this issue is important to you, you may need to be proactive about it and approach your healthcare provider with questions. Consider talking with your healthcare provider about your experiences as there may be other medications or strategies to address your issues. Counseling, for example, is often extremely helpful to people who are dealing with anxiety issues and, over time, and under the guidance and supervision of your healthcare provider and therapist, you may be able to switch medications or even decrease or stop taking medications. Alternatively, in terms of your IBS, it may be that a registered dietician at your campus health center or in your community might be able to suggest ways to change your diet that are more likely to be helpful and less likely to result in IBS-related pain or discomfort.\nAlthough it can be difficult to deal with sexual side effects, healthcare providers deal with this issue with so many of their patients and it is worth asking your healthcare provider for suggestions about how you can work together to develop a treatment plan (for both the anxiety and the IBS) that will work best for you. I hope this is helpful.
(09/27/07 3:56pm)
QUESTION: I have a question. I am concerned about my penis and testicle size. I am a pretty big kid and I found out the other day that one of my friends who is a lot smaller than me has testicles considerably larger than mine. My testicles measure at 2 and 1/4 inches by 1 and 1/4 is this all around a pretty small size? My penis measures at 7 inches long. Would this be considered big small or average? How will my penis and testicle size be accepted by a normal woman? Thanks.\nAnswer: Many men (and women) are concerned about the appearance of their genitals. Size is a common concern as are shape, color, smell and taste. Most people’s genitals are within the normal range on these characteristics. Your testicular size certainly sounds within the typical range as does your penis. [The average length of an erect penis is typically about 5-6 inches erect; the average testicular size is sometimes reported to be about 1 or 2 inches by 1 or 2 inches, and one is sometimes bigger than the other, and one typically hangs lower than the other). Keep in mind that these are average sizes and many men fall below the average and many other men fall above the average. As an example, in one study related to penis size, some men had 2 inch long erect penises and others had 14 inch long erect penis though most were in the 5 or 6 inch long range.\nSome men wish that they had a longer or wider penis but, in fact, some men with very large penises find it difficult to find a sex partner who can have comfortable, regular sex with them. Bigger is certainly not always better and, in terms of sexual behavior, it might be helpful to think about size more in terms of “genital fit” (how you and a partner might fit together) more so than the size of your penis or the size of her vagina.\nFurther, your body size has very little to do with your genital size. Although myths persist that you can tell the size of a man’s penis by looking at the size of his shoes, hand, fingers or nose, it is not as clear cut as that – and thank goodness, or people might pay too much attention to genital size rather than taking the time to get to know someone as a person and then decide if they will make a good dating, romantic or sexual partner. \nWe cannot speak for all women and cannot guess how the women you might date in the future might or might not react to your genital size. But we hope that you feel reassured that the sizes you described are certainly within the normal range of men’s genitals. If you are concerned about the size of your testicles or penis, or other issues in terms of how they look or feel, please consider checking in with your healthcare provider who can provide more personalized information as part of an exam. It is also great that you are paying attention to your body; becoming familiar with your genitals can help you to learn more about what looks or feels normal for you so that, if needed, you can report any changes to your healthcare provider (and testicular exams are very important for college-aged men to perform as testicular cancer is more common among younger men). Becoming familiar with your body through touching and masturbation can also help you to learn more about what feels good and how you like to be touched – either alone or with a partner.
(07/05/07 4:00am)
Mark Wahlberg is a badass and he shows it in "Shooter." Marksman Bobby Lee Swagger (Wahlberg) is coerced back into action to help stop the president from being assassinated by a sniper. As it turns out, Swagger is framed for murder and has to shoot his way around America to ensure his freedom.\nThis movie had way too much unnecessary filler that ruined a great conspiracy story with a great lead actor. The story tries to incorporate action, conspiracy and love all in one man when the audience could only handle two of the three from him. This movie would have been an A-grade film if it had more action and less filler.\nA few of the action scenes in the movie are amazing. Wahlberg single-handedly takes out all bad guys who come his way with his sniping ability and military knowledge. All the action is done in a captivating way that keeps the audience stimulated and feeling like they are right alongside the action. \nThe movie also had a strong ending, which tied nicely to the beginning. \nSpecial Features held up to the movie's quality as well. There's an educational extra about snipers in the military and how Wahlberg learned his sniping moves. There's also an extra about Independence Hall, which basically gives you a tour right from your couch. The only downside to the extras was the deleted scenes, which were, thankfully, deleted for a reason.\nAll in all, I would definitely recommend this movie -- just with the remote in your hand so you can fast forward though the useless filler scenes.
(06/19/07 4:00am)
LOS ANGELES – The same food safety net that couldn’t catch poisoned pet-food ingredients from China has a much bigger hole.\nBillions of dollars’ worth of foreign ingredients that Americans eat in everything from salad dressing to ice cream get a pass from overwhelmed inspectors, despite a rising tide of imports from countries with spotty records, according to an Associated Press analysis of federal trade and food data.\nWell before contaminated shipments from China killed 16 cats and dogs and sickened thousands more, government food safety task forces worried about the potential human threat – ingredients are hard to quarantine and can go virtually everywhere in a range of brand products.\nWhen U.S. Food and Drug Administration inspectors at ports and border checkpoints look, they find shipments that are filthy or otherwise contaminated. They rarely bother, however, in part because ingredients aren’t a priority.\nBecause these oils, spices, flours, gums and the like haven’t been blamed for killing humans, safety checks before they reach the supermarket shelf are effectively the responsibility of U.S. buyers. As the pet deaths showed, however, that system is far from secure.\nMeanwhile, the ingredient trade is booming – particularly since 2001, when the Sept. 11 attacks focused attention on the security of the nation’s food supply.\nOver the past five years, the AP found, U.S. food makers prospecting for bargains more than doubled their business with low-cost countries such as Mexico, China and India. Those nations also have the most shipments fail the limited number of checks the FDA makes.\n“You don’t have to be a Ph.D. to figure out that ... if someone were to put some type of a toxic chemical into a product that’s trusted, that could do a lot of damage before it’s detected,” said Michael Doyle, a microbiologist who directs the University of Georgia’s Center for Food Safety.\nDoyle sat on several federal task forces studying threats to U.S. food security; while they discussed ingredients, he said, their findings are classified.\nRead down most any food package’s label and there they are: strange-sounding substances that keep soft drinks fizzy, crackers crispy and sauces from going up. Gum arabic, extracted from acacia trees, helps give light whipped cream its texture; maltodextrin is derived from starchy foods, then can be dusted on chips so spices stick; caseins, a protein from milk, help the consistency of cheese substitutes.\nWhile Americans are consuming more imported food and drink from preserved fruit to coffee, demand among U.S. food makers for overseas ingredients is increasing even faster.\nIn 2001, the United States imported about $4.4 billion worth of ingredients processed from plants or animals, AP’s analysis shows. By last year that total leaped to $7.6 billion – a 73 percent increase. Other food and drink imports rose from $38.3 billion to $63 billion – up 65 percent.\nNo single reason explains the increase. Profits are one factor; changing consumer tastes play a role, too. There’s a growing expectation that seasonal products will be available year round, while immigrants may hanker for familiar flavors and others want variety.\nSo U.S. food makers head overseas, where labor-intensive ingredients can be cheaper to produce in low-wage countries. They’re not expensive to ship, either, because they’re relatively compact and don’t spoil easily, said David Closs, an expert in global food supply at Michigan State University.\nBy its own latest accounting, the FDA only had enough inspectors to check about 1 percent of the 8.9 million imported food shipments in fiscal year 2006. Topping the list were products with past problems, such as seafood and produce.\n“I don’t ever remember working on ingredients,” said Carl R. Nielsen, a former FDA official whose job until he left in 2005 was to make sure field inspectors were checking the right imports. “That was the lowest priority, a low priority.”\nThere are other reasons ingredients aren’t thoroughly examined. Unlike rotting fish or moldy vegetables, ingredient testing often requires a laboratory. Analyzing samples takes days and can irk importers who don’t like the choice of holding their product or risking a costly recall if they go ahead with distribution.\nTo cope with limited resources, the FDA requires that overseas companies announce that a shipment is coming, notification that lets inspectors target products once they arrive.\nThat leaves quality control, by and large, to American buyers and their suppliers. If they don’t do it, they run the risk of health problems that can devastate a brand and generate huge lawsuits.\nBut except in rare cases, companies don’t have to prove that a shipment of ingredients is safe – no tests must show that it’s pesticide-free, for example – and the FDA rarely checks whether overseas processing conditions are up to par. That contrasts with meat imports regulated by the Department of Agriculture, which must be processed under conditions equivalent to those here.\n• Inspectors refused more than 650 food or drink shipments from China; only about 20 were ingredients. Catfish, eel, shrimp and vegetable products were among the most rejected.\nNone of the barred shipments was either of the two tainted ingredients – wheat gluten and rice protein concentrate – that led to nationwide pet food recalls. It took the deaths of cats and dogs this spring to trigger tests that revealed an industrial chemical somehow entered the food chain.\n• While inspectors refused the most shipments from India, they didn’t turn back any of the top ingredient import from there, a sticky plant extract that helps give frozen desserts their texture. Although there were no reports of problems with those thickening agents from locust beans or guar seeds, it’s unclear how many shipments were inspected and let pass. The $118 million imported in 2006 made the category the third-largest food from India, behind shrimp/prawns and cashew nuts, and well ahead of rice.\nThe FDA issued two brief statements in response to interview requests, saying imported food ingredients are treated “basically the same as with any food commodity” entering the United States.\n“We use a risk-management approach and any regulated product, including food ingredients, IS a priority to FDA if it poses a public health risk,” one statement said. “If a food ingredient were to be identified as risk to public health, we are able to quickly shift resources to handle.”\nExporting countries are supposed to help. But governments such as China, where tainted food scandals are common, can have a stunning lack of oversight, said William Hubbard, a top FDA official for 14 years who now advocates for stiffer food safety regulations.\nHe recounted how one supplier drove a truck over tea leaves to dry them with exhaust, which leached lead into the leaves. That was an unintended consequence of a supplier taking a shortcut. Imagine, Hubbard said, what could be done by someone intent on hurting people.\nBy late last week, federal officials said they were investigating whether the recalled pet foods may have been intentionally spiked with the industrial chemical melamine to boost their apparent protein content.\nIngredients aren’t often blamed for outbreaks of human illness.\nOne reason is that they may be processed enough that microbes are killed, though as the pet food case shows, chemicals can remain. Another reason is that connections can be elusive: People sickened by casein, for example, might have consumed anything from cheese to a bodybuilding shake.\nEven when an ingredient is the suspected culprit, it can be hard to pinpoint.\nMore than 1,200 children in at least seven states were sickened in 1998 after eating school lunch burritos. Although flour tortillas were identified as the common link, public health officials never determined what was wrong with them.\n“Ingredients are more likely to go under the radar screen,” said Helen Jensen, an Iowa State University economics professor who studies food safety and international trade.\nWhen they are bad, she said, they present particular problems: They’re widely distributed and often used in products with a long shelf life.\nWhen Canadian pet food maker Menu Foods recalled its products last month, they were pulled from shelves nationwide. Three weeks later, the FDA warned that contaminated food may still be circulating.\nLast year’s list of leading ingredient suppliers reflected the globalized food chain.\nWhile U.S. neighbors Canada and Mexico were first and third, Malaysia was second. Forests in that Asian nation have been replaced by plantations of trees tapped for palm oil, $250 million of which was sent here. China and India were fifth and sixth, just after New Zealand, according to the AP analysis.\nThe top ingredient category was the catchall “food preparations,” followed by industrial-sized blocks of chocolate, cocoa butter, casein and refined palm oil. Some of the imports can be used in non-edible products; wheat gluten, for example, also is used to make biodegradable “sporks,” the combination spoon-fork.\nFDA officials have said none of the contaminated wheat gluten from China entered the human food chain. That’s little comfort to Jeff Kerner.\nKerner read food labels, paid for all-natural ingredients and figured that would keep his Yorkshire terrier healthy. Instead, Pebbles died last month after eating tainted food.\n“All of us, I think, fall into that false sense of security that ‘Well, if they put it in there, it must be OK,’” he said. “I understand that it’s the bottom line, but at what expense?”\nirk importers who don’t like the choice of holding their product or risking a costly recall if they go ahead with distribution.\nTo cope with limited resources, the FDA requires that overseas companies announce that a shipment is coming, notification that lets inspectors target products once they arrive.\nThat leaves quality control, by and large, to American buyers and their suppliers. If they don’t do it, they run the risk of health problems that can devastate a brand and generate huge lawsuits.\nBut except in rare cases, companies don’t have to prove that a shipment of ingredients is safe – no tests must show that it’s pesticide-free, for example
(04/17/07 4:00am)
Don’t underestimate the power of self-esteem. Having low self-esteem is one of the primary reasons that many people enter therapy. Throughout the course of therapy, they learn to like who they are and appreciate their uniqueness. Stress becomes much easier to overcome.\nHigh self-esteem enhances the quality of life and makes us happy people. Self-esteem is appreciating who you are and what you have instead of being miserable about what you do not have. It is the power of positive thinking and comes from liking who you are, including your flaws. When you believe in yourself, you have the strength to make things better.\nIt is very important to be self-accepting and treat yourself with kindness, care and appreciation. When you are your own best friend, you can be a good friend to others, too. It helps to reward yourself for a job well done and, when you make a mistake, to learn from it and move on.\nIt is important to learn to listen to your internal voice when it comes to feelings. Be honest with yourself and others. This will provide you with respect as long as you use tact when providing feedback.\nSeek out the opinions of others and involve them in helping you solve problems. People need and like feeling valued, and this makes people feel closer to you.\nKeep promises to yourself and others. This helps conduct yourself with integrity and to facilitate trust. It is another method of enriching self-esteem.\nRemember to set out goals for yourself and give yourself credit when you achieve those goals. Setting realistic goals and accomplishing those increases self-esteem. Never try to compare yourself to others, because the greatest source of misery comes from doing so. Compare yourself to your own goals, since you are all unique individuals able to offer the world something special. Recognize what you, and only you, bring to this world.\nPursue activities that you feel successful doing. Everyone feels good when they do well in life.\nSpend time with people you like, and appreciate the gifts they bring to your life. Life is very short and must not be wasted on negative people or those who you don’t like or respect.\nEncourage the people around you to be who they are too, and tell them how much they enrich your life. When you are around people who love you, it feels safe and secure and boosts self-esteem.\nBe sure to balance personal interest with the interests of others. It is important to be able to pursue your interests with respect for both yourself and others. Live, love and grow for a happier, healthier tomorrow. And always stay in the present and remember to laugh.
(04/03/07 4:00am)
For many people, the greatest source of stress is money – or, rather, a lack of enough money to pay all the bills owed. \nIn my private counseling office I see many people with financial problems: individuals, couples and families who tend to spend more than they make. I see serious arguments between couples on spending habits, which are often a result of family values. I see severe stress caused by an inability to pay off debt, often as a result of high-interest credit-card rates.\nThis is usually a result of not understanding the difference between wants and needs. Many of us want a great deal of goods but actually require much less to be happy. We all need to pay basic expenses including food, utilities, house payments, insurance, car expenses, clothing, taxes, etc. Beyond the essentials, many people spend on extras such as fancy cars, boats, home improvements and expensive vacations.\nIt is difficult to be in control of life when money worries are causing stress. It is very important to reduce financial worries by taking measures to be in control of your money. Start out by listing all your various bills on a monthly basis and balance those against your monthly income. This will give you a clear idea of what you have and what you need. Keeping a realistic budget can solve many financial problems.\nWhen your various bills are out of balance with your monthly income, seek help. The best help is often through consumer credit counseling agencies. These are nonprofit agencies that give free or low-cost advice on how to manage your money. The best place to find which agencies provide these services is by looking through your local telephone book.\nOften your bank, credit union or employee assistance program can provide financial counseling. Other agencies can refer you for financial counseling that is either free or has a low cost. The community services in the phone book list such agencies. A good local Indiana source of help is the Momentive Consumer Credit Counseling Service. The Bloomington office can be reached at 333-6083.\nWhen you take action toward resolving money problems, the action itself provides relief. Stress reduction techniques that were discussed in previous weeks such as deep breathing, regular exercise, eating a healthy diet or reaching out to family and friends can help reduce financial stress.\nRemember: A body in good physical and mental condition can handle a financial problem better as well.
(03/20/07 4:00am)
When a person is under stress, muscles\ntense up and breathing becomes shallow and rapid. Studies have found that one of the best methods to deal with this stress and its accompanying problems is to breathe deeply and slowly. Most adults do not breathe as deeply as they should. But there are deep-breathing methods\nthat will lead to relaxation and a reduction in stress.\nFrom an evolutionary point of view, stress caused human muscles to tense and forced breathing to become rapid and shallow as prehistoric man fought, froze or fled. In tough situations, this high level of tension helped prepare the body for the performance it required. In the modern world, however, we are no longer running or fighting regularly. Modernity has thus hindered stress release (outside of sports or physical\nactivities) and caused the build-up of much higher levels of tension.\nToday, most adults breathe from the chest – called shallow\nbreathing – which brings in less air. Doing this takes in less oxygen with each breath and often forces blood to move through the system rapidly so that enough oxygen gets to our brain and organs. The result is high blood pressure.\nDeep breathing can reverse this and can counteract stress. Learning deep slow breathing techniques is a way to directly fight the natural breathing under\nstress.\nDeep breathing works by enabling us to push air in and out so that the areas under the chest go in and out. It is important\nto practice deep breathing daily, not only when facing stress, but also regularly when relaxed. Start by breathing through the nose counting to five silently saying “in.” Let the lower abdomen fill with air. Later count to five silently saying\n“out.” Allow air to escape through pursed lips. This deep breathing should be done for two minutes each time. You can do this sitting, standing or lying\ndown, so wear loose clothing\nthat is comfortable in any position.\nPracticing regularly – counting\nup to 10 or higher – and imagining scenes from nature or visions that you enjoy also improves relaxation techniques during breathing.\nThe effects of deep breathing will help you let go of tension, relieve headaches, backaches, stomachaches and sleeplessness.\nDeep breathing releases the body’s painkillers (endorphins) into the system, allowing blood pressure to return to normal and the heart to circulate blood more easily. It helps bottled-up emotions rise to the surface, improves emotional well-being,\nand is a super technique for stress relief.
(02/27/07 5:00am)
Do you experience more sadness, irritability and apathy, or less energy and motivation, in these dreary winter months? Stress during winter is a very real phenomenon for many people for many reasons. Shorter days, much longer dark periods, the desire to eat more and exercise less or to “hibernate” more, the threat of inclement weather inhibiting normal activities, and uncomfortably cold temperatures are some of the reasons.\nDuring the winter months we want to sleep more, stay in bed longer and eat more comfort foods high in calories and fats. This can leave you with a sense of lethargy, which can enhance winter depression. One thing we can do to offset this is exercise regularly. An exercise routine creates more energy to fight the desire to lounge in bed longer and increases motivation. It can be a good way to meet and mix with other people, too, which helps to prevent mid-winter isolation. It will also offset those extra calories. \nAnother method to prevent the stress of weather-related isolation is making a special effort, or even forcing yourself, to seek social activities with peers. This is a good time to dust off your old indoor hobbies or look for new hobbies as a fun way to meet and interact with others who share similar interests.\nAnother great way to spend quality time is to seek volunteer opportunities for projects that are especially meaningful to you. A good way to start your search for volunteer activities is consulting the Web sites of IU or the city of Bloomington. \nThis is a great time to explore new reading material. This is by nature a solitary activity, but one way to increase socialization through reading is to start a book club with a few friends. Ask them to invite other friends to join the group, choose a recommended book for all to read and set a meeting about a month in the future to get together and discuss it. \nThe longer nights are the perfect time to spend studying more. Take advantage of this time to improve your grade-point average. Get together with classmates for more study and collaboration. Try to get ahead now, while other distractions are fewer, because as soon as the first warmer, lighter evenings of spring hit Bloomington, outdoor distractions will surely multiply.\nAnother method of combating stress is taking care of a pet such as a dog, cat, bird or fish. When we take care of another living creature, it helps us focus our energy elsewhere and gives us a sense of meaning and purpose. Pets also provide needed companionship, which decreases loneliness.\nOf course, there are many hearty souls who love winter for its unique sports, beauty and challenges. Turning winter doldrums into new opportunities is a proven way to deal with weather-related stresses and moods.
(02/13/07 3:32am)
The need to form social connections is deeply rooted in the human psyche. It is secondary only to physical and safety needs. We all need to feel a sense of belonging; it is part of what it means to be human. Young adults especially need to feel connected to a group to belong to the human family.\nFeeling alone or out of place causes a great deal of stress. Student's personal fulfillment often depends on relationships that give their lives purpose and meaning. Healthy relationships help students with personal growth and produce a sense of purpose in their lives.\nIU is a very big school. Its size alone creates challenges to fit in, and one must work to prevent a feeling of loneliness and isolation. Students arriving at IU can be easily overwhelmed by a variety of factors. Large class sizes, lack of a set social structure, the geography of the campus, being far from family, and not knowing what services are available or who to turn to for help can all contribute to high stress levels.\nMethods of overcoming these stresses vary. In large classes it is important to find another student or groups of students to study with or get assistance from. It is also important to talk with the professors during office hours or ask teaching assistants for help. Finding students who live in your dorm or housing area helps, as making friends in your geographic or housing location can provide much-needed support.\nJoining groups that share your interests is another great way to meet and make friends. You can join the greek system or a service group that contributes to society. You can choose to connect with a political party or student organization that shares your values or ideology. Joining a house of worship is another way to meet people who think and feel similarly. Finding your "niche" is very important.\nAnother place to meet people is through athletic activities such as group or intramural sports. Athletics are a great common denominator to make friends who share a common interest. Buying season tickets to sporting events with your friends is another good way to socialize. \nSpending time with peers by attending musical events, movies, opera, theater, museums and restaurants are all good ways to enhance relationships and overcome stress. Something that works well is initiating an event with someone you think you might enjoy spending more time with and getting to know better.\nStudents who come from another country might feel like strangers in a strange land. They can join international groups on campus with students who share their country of origin and language.\nAttending a university is all about growing and this means finding a balance between friends and family. But students are on campus with only their peers. This means they will find themselves disengaging from family. Maintaining ties with family is important, and regular phone calls, e-mails, text messages and letters are comforting ways to keep in touch.
(01/30/07 4:19am)
One of the most common stressors for college students is, by nature, academic. School is a full-time job. Personal responsibilities that are required from students include attending class, reading assignments, preparing and taking tests, completing research papers and anything else professors might require.\nThe average student carries 15 hours of class and needs at least as many hours of preparation time.\nAcademic stress occurs for a variety of reasons, most of which come from a lack of preparation. Not attending class, not keeping up with reading, not studying for tests, not starting work with enough time to complete it, and not fulfilling class requirements all contribute to the problem. Other reasons include struggling with class materials, poor time-management skills, inadequate sleep and poor eating habits. \nMethods to reduce stress-induced anxiety are simple, but they're easier said than done. Attend all classes and keep up with all required readings on a daily and weekly basis. Start studying for tests and exams in advance, and don't cram during the last week. Work on research papers over time, having enough time to gather data and write more than one draft. Listen carefully to each instructor and ask questions to clarify assignments. When encountering difficulty with materials, request extra assistance from the teacher or through tutoring outside of class.\nTime management is extremely helpful. Breaking up your day into blocks of time meant for school work, socializing with friends, physical exercise and eating is key. When studying, take short breaks -- it helps. For every 40 minutes of studying, take a 10-minute break to relax and stretch your muscles, or just concentrate on breathing. You can surf the Web, watch TV or talk with a roommate.\nSleeping well the night before an exam is very important and helps your concentration level. The more rested and relaxed, the better you can function. Not getting enough sleep increases stress and contributes to poor performance.\nEating regular meals helps you think and focus more clearly. Breakfast (and I know that everyone has heard this, ad infinitum) is the most important meal of the day but is often the most neglected by students. It is also important to eat small quantities of food throughout the day, without binging or eating infrequently. \nThe most important method for reducing academic stress is to believe in your own abilities to accomplish the tasks at hand. You must keep an open mind and realize that proper planning, hard work and a "can-do" attitude will help keep you up to the challenge of collegiate academia. \nNothing reduces stress and anxiety more than confidence in your abilities. Positive thinking that comes from within is invaluable, and using the suggestions above won't hurt either.
(01/16/07 3:39am)
Stress can be defined as the conflict between a desired situation and the reality of what actually is. For example, we experience stress when the desired situation is earning an 'A' on a research paper due tomorrow but the reality is that you have just started to read the necessary materials.\nStressors are built into the fabric of our culture. We live it, breathe it, create it and are surrounded by it all the time. As college students, stress is often a major component of our daily life. Between classes and assignments, friends and roommates, loved ones and lovers, family and colleagues, activities and eating, students experience ongoing angst of varying levels. Without proper attention these tensions can become overwhelming and produce myriad debilitating affects.\nThe question of how to approach stress, how to surmount it and how to address your life during times of tension (seemingly endless) is central to the college student's existence -- and it is of particular note to your mental and physical well-being. What outlets exist to handle pressures? Where do you go to discuss these issues, and do you really have time to discuss them? What do you do when it all seems to be too much?\nAcknowledging and understanding stress is key to finding the way to deal with the pressures and tensions of everyday life. Knowing that you are facing a challenge that is surmountable through action, activity or a necessary lack thereof (taking a real break) is something that everyone needs to know. You have to work with the stress rather than fight it. \nHere are a number of easy methods to release existing tension and be ready for the next wave:\n--Talk with a trusted friend or family member with good listening skills. \n--Talk with a professionally trained therapist who can help you learn more effective ways of managing stress and conflict.\n--Do physical exercise. This can free the mind up or change your viewpoint on the issues that are making life difficult. You can walk aimlessly or jog an appointed route. \n--Take a shower or bath. The warmth will loosen tension from the mind and relax the skin and muscles.\n--Try deep-breathing exercises. Stand up and take two steps behind a desk. Breathe deeply while raising your arms above your head. Breathe out and release your arms downward. Continue this until you feel the air filling your lungs and bringing added power.\nIn the coming weeks, this column will address some of the common stressors experienced by college students in daily life and how to deal with them. I will deal with issues such as academics, romantic relationships, family relationships, finances, roommates and health issues.