Tv Recap: “The Hills,” ‘Finale’

One major thing riding on this episode of The Hills: Justin and Kristin’s relationship.

Now that they’re back in reality, away from Vegas, will the chemistry between the two burn or fizzle out?

Hold up, rewind:  I learned AFTER watching the episode, that it was actually the finale for the show.  Are you kidding me?  On normal television programs, the finale episode of the show is usually longer, and somehow… sparks seem to fly.  Now that I think about it, I guess I can say there was more closure than usual.  You’re in for a real treat, folks.

The lovers get together, and they go to the beach to talk.  Justin wants more than a friendship, and claims he won’t “flake out” anymore.  Kristin blips her usual jabber, she doesn’t want a boyfriend, blah blah. We know, Kristin.

Back at Speidi’s mansion, Enzo is over to play, as usual.  Heidi walks in, donning new long, blonde extensions,  to accompany her natural-looking bosom and lips.  What a lovely addition.  Her, Spencer and Enzo exchange words of wisdom.

Brody and Jayde, now back together, attend an engagement party.  Over the reception dinner, Jayde begins a conversation with Brody about how she thinks they need to take the next step in their relationship together- she wants to move in with Brody. (really Jayde?!)  Brody doesn’t agree and tells Jayde they should be celebrating the couple’s engagement instead. Jayde- jealous much? Check. Whiny much? Check. Annoying and has my blessing to go away? Check Check.

Kristin and Stacie chill, and begin talking about Kristin’s fear of commitment.  Kristin attributes her fear to knowing so many people who are divorced. She says she doesn’t want to get hurt.  Nobody wants to get hurt, Kristin.  But if you’re open to love, you’re going to have to take that risk… maybe without Justin Bobby.

Audrina is fierce.  She’s a woman with a plan, for the first time in her history with Justin Bobby.  The girl is decked out in a hot red dress and a sexy leather jacket, and she meets to tell Justin off on a boardwalk overlooking the beach. Romantic? I think not.

Audrina tells Justin how she really feels.  She says he used her, and he’s selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centered. She even cuts him off more than once. She wishes Justin the best, then hightails it out of there.  I aplaude her.  I knew it was in you, girl. YAY AUDRINA!!!!!!!!!!! Finally!!!!!

And, lastly, the masterpiece:

“I hope you do fall in love someday because maybe you’ll feel something.”

Best thing Audrina has ever said. Hands down. I’m shocked and straight up  proud! I have a feeling she means every word she said.  And I’ve always been skeptical with her.  As have you.

I’m not nearly over my high from Audrina’s bitch-mode, but the drama continues. Spencer finds a pregnancy test in the trash. He confronts Heidi, and they talk. Not surprisingly, Heidi isn’t pregnant. Suprisingly, the two have an amiable conversation- Spencer no longer believes having children will be impossible, and Heidi appreciates his thoughts.

My guess? It’ll be a while till we see little Speidi monsters running around.  Or, we may never see them at all.

THIS JUST IN:  Brody has seen the light. He’s done with Jayde.  His dear friend Frankie congratulates him by giving him a good ‘ole high five.  Yess.  You are a free man.  And apparently a playa. (he’s had his share of girlfriends….)

The most unrealistic piece of closure in the finale:  Justin and Kristin decide to make things work.  Justin arrives at Kristin’s house, they enjoy a nice sunset on the deck.  He claims he is now open to love. Riiiight.  Kristin gives him the green light, and the two share a handful of painfully fake kisses.  You know which ones I’m talking about: the short, quick pecks that come with an endearing smooching noise. Ick.

Regardless of drama that has come to a close, I’m still left with questions. But because The Hills is over for now, I’ll make predictions:

1)Kristin & Justin: Never together, never will be… in reality.

2)Heidi & Spencer: We’ll be seeing plenty of them in the headlines with their ridiculous antics.  I’ll keep you updated if I see any new plastic body parts on Heidi.

3)Turns out Enzo is actually my cousin.  He’s really a grown man stuck in the body of a kid… which explains all of his genius comments throughout the season. But shh, it’s a secret.

4) Stacie: This girl will continue to work it at the bar, mixing your nightly mojito or cosmo.  Will we see more of her in the next season of the Hills? Beats me.

5) Lo: Maybe she’ll go to grad school. Or not. she’s a woman of mystery to most of us.

6)Audrina: Done with Justin, ready to live her life.  I predict it won’t take her too much longer to grab a new beau…

7)Stephanie Pratt: I think rehab is next for this one. She’s got oodles of issue that need to be dealt with.

And of course, we’d all love a guest appearance from girl-next-door Lauren.  We love you and miss you.

As for now, I’m done with the drama.  But I’ll keep you guys updated ’till next season.

We’ll see how juicy The Hills can really get.

xoxo,

Rachel

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