TV Recap: ‘FlashForward,’ “Playing Cards with Coyote”

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And that, my friends, is how you ruin a pretty solid episode that raises interesting questions for your series. I’m not sure if this was the worst episode of FlashForward so far, but it certainly felt like the most boring, especially after last week’s pretty successful effort.

Just a note to FF writers: Trying to build tension between the two guys who might have caused the blackout is a great idea. Doing it through a GAME OF TEXAS HOLD’EM is laughable. A.) Those sequences rarely work and B.) it’s not 2005. Also, as much as I loved the ideas that Al’s death last week could bring the story, it was sorely mishandled here. First, why in the hell are we supposed to believe that this middle-level FBI agent’s death is national news? Really, he’s the first person on the entire planet to think, “hmm, fuck this fate stuff, I’m killing myself! That will show ‘em!”? That’s ridiculous. And does this mean that the FBI went out of their way to get the word out about their agent’s death to give everyone hope? AND the woman he wrote the letter to is now a minor celeb as well? Good lord.

Secondly, who the hell starts a teaser with a montage backed by horrible music? I know this is ABC’s bread-and-butter these days, and I can accept that before the half-hour break or at the end — BUT AT THE BEGINNING? I hate you, FlashForward.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly in relation to my sanity, Al’s death not only gave us terrible montages but also more scenes with Mark and Olivia debating whether or not they were going to see their flash forwards come true. First they don’t believe it, then they kind of do again, and then maybe not, or but wait, nope don’t believe it. PUKE. I hate both of these characters, I hate this around-and-around conversation they’ve been having for 8 episodes and I hate the way Joesph Fiennes walks. Fuck you, casting director.

And back to what I said before the jump — poker? POKER?!?!? I’m not even sure Heroes would try that garbage.* So far, Dom Monaghan’s character of Simon has been absolutely worthless — just like every other character on this show — and even if Lloyd’s idea of coming forward to admit their guilt through a press release isn’t the worst idea, determining whether Simon would go through with it because of a hand of cards is stupid. Simon just helped kill 20 million people, but he just has to go with the rules of this pathetic agreement. Please. At least it showed that Lloyd has some balls.

*Actually, Heroes writers wouldn’t try that stuff because they’re too busy re-writing season one for the third time in a row.

Meanwhile, Mark and Dem went on some misdirected goose chase to find the d-bags with the star tats on their forearms, which led them to a situation in Barstow that was so memorable I can barely remember it now. Mark ends up killing one of them, thinking he’s stopped everything bad from coming true* but it’s revealed that there are actually a number of guys with this $45 inkjob. One of the witnesses helping them in the search says she heard the word “Q.E.D.,” which is something Simon also mentions — in the very next scene of course — which probably means it’s important.

*You know, because there was only one guy coming after him in his flash forward. What a dumb, awkward-walking waste of taxpayer money.

In the end, see that the guy in the baseball stadium who was awake during the blackout was wearing some kind of ring* and the star tat guys just happen to have a box of them. Of course, some creepy fat dude gets them in some sort of backroom deal, and then shoots one of the star tat minions. What does this mean? I DON’T KNOW BUT IT’S A CRAZY CLIFFHANGER. WOOOOOOOOOOO.

*You know it’s a bad episode when the big reveal features two characters squinting at a guy’s finger from 600 feet away.

Why the hell am I even watching this show anymore?

• The only plot that didn’t make me wish I was watching real poker on Fox Sports Net instead was the stuff with Aaron and his [not shockingly] alive daughter Tracy. The lines were clunky as usual, but Brian F. O’Bryne does the best he can and Tracy’s notion that she saw something she shouldn’t have — and the government might have tried to axe her because of this — was somewhat interesting.