Although the final “Harry Potter” novel was published nearly a decade ago, the fictional world is constantly expanding through Pottermore, an interactive website featuring games, in-depth character profiles and new content by Potter author J.K. Rowling.
Last week, the site released the latest in a series of quizzes designed to help users envision what their lives might have been like in the wizarding world. The new quiz focuses on identifying the user’s patronus charm.
In the novels, a patronus charm is a notoriously difficult spell that produces a protective animal spirit. Because the spell draws its power from a witch or wizard’s memories, everyone’s patronus appears in a different animal form — hence the need for a quiz.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good personality quiz. I think it stems from the fact that I’m both incredibly indecisive and borderline narcissistic, so the idea of answering benign questions about myself and having a computer make sense of it all is incredibly attractive.
I select what color my hair is and the computer tells me whether or not Jon Snow would’ve wanted to make out with me? I’m in.
So naturally, as a lover of both Harry Potter and quizzing, I was ecstatic at the prospect of a patronus quiz. All the other Pottermore quizzes have been incredible — in-depth questions, large varieties of answer options, and complex profiles of varying results were all main features.
But, curiously, the patronus quiz had none of that.
The quiz requires users to choose their instinctive preferences to arbitrary queries like “Blood or bone?” or “Shine, Glitter or Glow?”
After five to seven of these questions, users are presented with the animal form of their personal patronus charm.
For me, this took the form of a white swan. Now, I’m not going to complain too loudly about my results when there are much worse options out there. For instance, actress Evanna Lynch, who played Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films, was told by the quiz that her patronus — the truest expression of her innermost self — is a salmon.
If nothing else, at least I dodged that fishy bullet.
Still, my result of white swan seemed generic. And with the site providing users no information on what implications different animals carry, I was left to speculate on my own.
To me, a white swan implies beauty, vanity, a meanness of spirit and someone whose go-to move in a fight would be biting.
I’m not saying any of these characterizations are inaccurate to my personality, but I am saying that the result seems arbitrary and impersonal. This is particularly disappointing considering the patronus charm is meant to be a delicate expression of individual life force.
It seems to me that the quiz was always doomed to fail. After all, no online quiz filled with small preference distinctions — “who or why?” “warm or cold?” — could possibly begin to get at the very nature of my own personal experience.
As much as I hate to admit it, the Pottermore patronus quiz is impersonal, inaccurate and a major disappointment.
rjdague@indiana.edu
