Since childhood, I’ve had an issue with penis size, as embarrassing as it may be.
I’ve only had one regular relationship, and that ended. I was told that it wasn’t because of my size, but it couldn’t be anything else. Prior to that, I only had sex two other times.
My penis when not erect is ... well, have you heard the term “need tweezers to hold your dick”?
That’s me, unfortunately.
Erect, I am only an inch or two. I need to know if there is any hope for someone like me, just so I can at least have one awesome sexual experience — to have a female give me oral and return the favor and not be embarrassed or miss out altogether.
Help! What do you recommend?
Having a penis on the smaller end of the size spectrum doesn’t get in the way of good sex or a lovely relationship or the possibility of awesome — as you put it — sex.
You know what does, though? Shame, embarrassment and fear of being rejected.
Look, I’m not going to lie — some potential partners will be surprised or even put off by a one or two-inch erect penis, perhaps especially if they are women who depend on or prefer deep vaginal penetration for sexual pleasure or orgasm.
Then again, people are always put off by something, so don’t let that stop you. Some people are put off by large penises, others are put off by small penises.
Some avoid dating people who are tall and others avoid dating those who are average or short. Others have preferences for partners based on their type of humor, the music they like or their accent.
The good thing about the enormous diversity among us humans is that there truly is, as far as I can tell, someone for pretty much everyone.
And I have heard from some women who prefer partners with a smaller penises either because their vagina also happens to be smaller, and thus sex with average or larger penises hurts them, or because they have vaginal pain, and, again, smaller size can feel better to them.
Bottom line: I absolutely have hope for you and your sex life. If you’re ready to try dating and/or sex again, you might check out a book like “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner or “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld.
Although “She Comes First” is not about penis size, it is written from the perspective of a man who struggled with premature ejaculation and wondered how to best please a partner in light of the fact that intercourse was so brief. He decided to become great at performing oral sex and wrote an entire book about it.
If shame, embarrassment or a lack of confidence are keeping you back, consider meeting with a sex therapist (find one through aasect.org or sstarnet.org.) Some sex therapists even work with partner surrogates, who are individuals trained to engage with clients sexually and/or intimately under the guidance of a therapist (the therapist is not in the room during any sexual activity, but does communicate with you and the surrogate about the goals of therapy).
It’s true there can be some challenges when one has a smaller-sized erect penis, but I absolutely know of men who have highly pleasurable and satisfying sex lives with their partners — they just focus on communication and creativity together (as is true for so many other people).
Intercourse may work just fine, but if it doesn’t (or if you want to widen your sexual menu, as so many do) there’s also oral sex, sex toy play and role playing, and really, the sky’s the limit.
I hope this helps, and I’m confident you’ll be able to create a rich, meaningful sexual and romantic relationship should you choose to keep at it.
Kinsey Confidential is a collaboration of the IU School of Public Health and the Kinsey Institute. Dr. Debby Herbenick is an associate professor at IU and author of six books about sex including “The Coregasm Workout” and “Sex Made Easy.” Visit us at kinseyconfidential.org and follow us on Twitter at @DebbyHerbenick and @KinseyCon.
