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Too lazy not to vote


By Charley Gifford



It seems that during the fifth week of every semester, we’re suddenly and inhumanely hit with a barrage of exams and schoolwork that we’ve had five weeks to prepare for. But screw all that stuff.

Wednesday, I proudly procrastinated by registering to vote.

Normally I would find a fast, electronic way of doing so, but that would mark me as a novice procrastinator.

The Postal Service is the way to go. Sending my registration in physically instead of electronically allows me to graduate into a higher level of time-wasting called “Inception Procrastination.” It’s when you waste time while you’re wasting time.

Procrastination within procrastination.
 
Yet unlike Christopher Nolan’s fantasy world, it can go way more than three levels deep.

First order of business: Fill out the form. I could print it out and write in the information, but that’s so not 2012.

Let’s stick the PDF form in Photoshop and enter in all the info via textboxes. Wouldn’t want whoever reads it to run into any unpleasant eyestrain problems.

As it was my first time registering, I was required to prove my identity. Normally I’d wish this process was as simple as writing, “I am Charley” on an old gum wrapper, but that doesn’t take long enough.

The form says you can send in a utility bill, but I don’t think a receipt from McDonald’s would count, even if the nice cashier lady wrote “Charley” on it.

So, I guess I’ll send in my driver’s license. Usually people would stick it on a scanner, hit “copy” and be on their merry way. Not an overachiever like me.

I must scan both sides of the license because God knows if they need that fancy barcode thingy on the back.

For added classiness, I’ll stitch the scans side-by-side in Photoshop. It’s looking pretty good, but those rounded corners on the license need to be cleaned up a little.
Hell, I’m surprised Apple hasn’t sued the State of Indiana for infringing on such a crucial iPhone patent.

After diving in to 400 percent magnification and erasing extra space around the corners, the scan looks nothing other than “simply awesome/stunning/amazing/wonderful/incredible/the best scan I’ve made yet.”

After the addition of a gray background, the whiteness of the license is effectively separated.

And of course, the pièce de résistance: a drop shadow effect to give the license some much-needed depth. Print!

After an hour or so of labor, I had created one of the most beautiful voter registration forms the State of Indiana will ever see.

I even wrote a column about it. All the while, not a single drop of schoolwork was completed.

Oh well, maybe some good will come out of this and that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney will lose in November.

­— chagiff@indiana.edu

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